New version at: [attempt 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1md1qe4/qcrit_adult_literary_deficient_in_love_65k/) Hi all! Thank you for the super useful comments on my first attempt. Though the pitch is entirely new following significant revisions to the MS itself, I've kept all the comments in mind and (hopefully!) not made the same mistakes. I would love to know what you think :) Dear (Agent), THE WOUND IS WHERE THE LIGHT GETS IN is a 65,000-word contemporary literary fiction love-story. It has the aching intensity of Caleb Azumah Nelson’s *Open Water*, the honesty of Ia Genberg’s *The Details*, and draws from the relational intricacies of Esther Perel’s podcast *Where should we begin?* Roya is nearing academic burnout. She is too intensely self-observing, too envious of her best friend Vanessa, and too out of touch with her body to let go. But when she meets Casper, she finds in him an emotional depth that becomes a breath of fresh air away from this self-suffocation. And Roya only ever falls in love the way her beloved Persian poets do – with all of herself. But Casper is explicit that he doesn’t want a committed relationship. With one foot in Swedish individuality and another in scientific rationality, he is unwilling to sacrifice his freedom, for anyone. And yet, drawn to her vibrancy and intelligence, his life starts to slip out of his hands and into hers, hands that are a bit too good at holding on. Moving on from their physics PhD days in the stoned halls of Cambridge to entrepreneurial careers in Stockholm, his emotional withholding and her sexual numbness reach a deafening pitch. Through miscarriage and divorce, THE WOUND IS WHERE THE LIGHT GETS IN is a decade-spanning love story, one between a family who fled a revolution, between two best friends, and between two lovers. I am a Persian-Swedish graduate of the University of Cambridge, now studying in London for my PhD in (stem degree) – fiction is perhaps not quite what my professors meant when they said I should publish! Thank you so much for your time, (name) **One quick point to flag:** I've really tried to pare the pitch to the core hook, but it means my style in the query is not indicative of the style of the MS. I've found this to be the case for the blurbs of comps - but they often list themes/state the style outright (e.g. "in lyrical prose") to account for this, which I cannot do in a query. The same logic applies for the strong psychological focus (both of which are very evident from my opening pages). Any advice or thoughts on this are welcome.

I'm back like a bad penny. Here's my [first attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lzyaky/qcrit_burning_in_both_ya_fantasy_98k_1st_attempt/). I sincerely appreciate all feedback and critiques. \* \* \* Sixteen-year-old Wren was born with a magical affliction no one understands and with no known cure. She inherited two incompatible powers: *Affectum*, a volatile combat magic fueled by raw emotion, and *Harmontia*, the subtle art of resonance and truth. The two weren’t meant to coexist. Her magic churns against itself, burning too hot and reacting without warning, every spell unraveling into dangerous instability. When her Affectum lashes out and injures her younger brother, Wren agrees to attend Carroway Academy, an elite boarding school where the best instructors will teach her control. At Carroway, Wren is roomed with two other girls: Mira, an emotionally intuitive caster with explosive power, and Rivka, a tactician known for cold focus and near-flawless execution. Determined to master her Affectum before it hurts anyone else, Wren throws herself into training.  But during a field exercise, Cassian—a fellow student, who’s far too easy to look at and impossible to reach—is caught off guard by a violent specter. To protect him, Wren steps in and summons her ancestral sword, a sacred and challenging rite of passage few her age accomplish. But instead of a triumph, the blade appears fractured and speaks in riddles. Her magic grows even more unstable, and for the first time, Wren seriously considers abandoning training and severing her dangerous Affectum altogether. As her magic continues to unravel, Wren begins seeing a ghostly woman in mirrors and dreams—an ancestor who once suffered from the same dual-affinity affliction. Determined to regain control, Wren chooses to follow her ancestor’s guidance and begins researching a forbidden ritual that promises to silence her Affectum for good. With steady but conflicted support from her roommates and Cassian, she works to decipher the ritual’s steps, chasing the hope of normalcy before her magic unravels completely. But the deeper she follows the thread, the louder her sword’s warnings become and the less she trusts what she’s becoming. If she completes the ritual, she might gain control. Or she might lose everything: her magic, her identity, and the people she wants to protect the most. *BURNING IN BOTH* is a 102,000-word YA fantasy novel featuring an intuitive magic system, sentient swords, and strong romantic elements, all woven together with a gothic undertone. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the magical inheritance and emotional stakes of Tracy Deonn’s *Legendborn*, the darkness of Lyndall Clipstone’s *Lakesedge*, and the internal dualities found in Rachel Gillig’s *One Dark Window*.

Thanks for the tips and guidance on the earlier drafts. Dear Agent, Logan Flynn swore he’d never go back. But after his sister’s death, he leaves his quiet life as a high school teacher in New York and returns to Mountain Creek, South Carolina—his childhood home, now deep inside the Christian Republic, a near-future techno-theocracy born from the South’s secession fourteen years earlier. Years ago, his sister enrolled her son, Will—now seventeen—in the Child Development Fund, a government program that offered financial support with one condition: families must remain in the Republic until their children graduate high school. Leave early, and the government seizes their property. Now Logan is back to watch over Will, with no intention of staying a day longer than required. But to pay for Will’s college—and give him a fresh start in the U.S., something Logan can’t afford on a teacher’s salary—he must remain long enough to legally sell the family farm. Upon Logan’s return, he begins to grow close to Will—shy, sharp-minded, and uneasy in a country that’s spent almost his entire life trying to indoctrinate him. Like his uncle, Will has never quite belonged. Logan reconnects with James Ellwood—his neighbor and childhood friend, a charismatic giant of a man hailed as a war hero but quietly haunted by the role he played in the Republic’s violent rise. For a while, things go according to plan. As James helps Logan begin repairs on the family farm, Will begins to grow close to Nina Richards, a kind-hearted classmate. But the pressure starts to build with the arrival of the annual Patriot Audit—an AI-run loyalty test that forces citizens to publicly display their devotion or face shame and suspicion. Then, the regime crosses a new line. Mountain Creek is chosen as the pilot site for a reeducation facility—a sweeping escalation meant to root out dissent. When Nina is taken as part of the project, Logan’s quiet plan to wait out their time begins to unravel. He faces a harrowing choice: flee to the United States with Will while they still can—or risk everything in a daring rescue attempt. The Patriot Audit is an 88,000-word dystopian thriller with series potential. It will appeal to fans of Veronica Roth’s Poster Girl, C.J. Tudor’s The Drift, and Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter. Like those novels, it blends near-future realism with escalating tension, exploring the erosion of personal freedom and the moral choices people face under authoritarian rule. The Patriot Audit is a cinematic and timely story about what it means to protect the people you love in a system built to control them. BIO here. The first x pages are pasted below. I’d be honored to share the full manuscript and look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Name **First 300 Words:** **CHAPTER 1**   On an unusually mild December morning, two days before Christmas, Logan Flynn approached the Virginia-North Carolina border crossing, his hands steady on the wheel as his mind drifted to thoughts of home. Not the cramped apartment in the city where he’d lived for the past twelve years, but the farm where he’d grown up—a place he’d visited only a handful of times since leaving, always briefly, and usually to mourn the dead. A soft chime broke the silence, then the voice came, synthetic and smooth, neither warm nor cold. “Logan, your digital passport is now in queue. Prepare for vehicle scan in three minutes.” A pause. Then the voice returned, gentler now: “You seem on edge. Like last time. Would you like me to play the track that helped calm your nerves?” He drew a deep breath, exhaled, and gave a small nod—thinking back to two years ago. The last time. The day he made the promise to his sister. The promise that brought him back to the border today. As the opening notes of *Gymnopédie No.1* drifted in—delicate, deliberate, familiar, Logan thought back to that afternoon at the farm, sitting with Paige on the porch, both still dressed in black, having just laid their mother to rest. “Logan,” she said, her voice steady but quiet. “I need to ask for a favor, and you’re not gonna like it. Not a bit.” Logan leaned back and studied her. “Try me, big sister,” he said. “You might be surprised.” Paige looked down, hesitated. “Now that Momma’s gone…” she said softly, then looked back up. “I’ve been thinking. If something happened to me… Will would be alone.” She stopped rocking. “Logan, I need you to promise—if I wasn’t here to take care of him—you’d come home. Just until he finishes high school. Just until he can leave.”

Thank you so much to anyone taking the time to look at this, and thanks to the whole sub for being such a great resource for making this in the first place! Dear \[Agent\], Adrean is a shy, lonely 18-year-old who really just wants to make friends. That’s an uphill battle, considering his father tried to wipe out mankind. With all the anger at his long-dead father having unfairly been passed onto him, Adrean has just one chance to prove himself: compete in the Augustine Games, a combat tournament for young superheroes that earns the victor glory and fame. It sounds straightforward, but being a shapeshifter with social anxiety can lead to unexpected situations. Adrean soon finds himself leading a double life after accidentally befriending a few of his rivals—using a different face. He must now balance a secretive social life with fighting in the arena and surviving the machinations of the Games’ corrupt officials. If he wins, he might just be able to turn the tide of public opinion and tell his friends the truth of who he really is. If he fails, Adrean will have lost his best chance at a better life. Even worse, his father’s old villain allies are planning a terrible attack, and they’re determined to get Adrean’s help—by any means necessary.  Complete at 99,900 words, *The Supervillain's Son* is a standalone YA/NA crossover novel with series potential. It reads like a combo of *The Hunger Games* and *X-Men* and can appeal to young fans of superhero, speculative fiction and SFF works.  To write this story, I drew upon my own issues with anxiety and loneliness growing up, so that I can not just entertain but provide something relatable and even comforting. Thank you I know it's on the longer side for YA, but the original draft was 175k so it's taken a while to get here haha. I also know that Hunger Games and X-Men aren't good comps, but those were my biggest inspirations and I haven't seen a lot of YA superhero novels come out lately or things super similar, am I thinking too narrowly with comps? The best comparison I've thought of is Renegades but that's from 2017

Took this back to the drawing board with some of your feedback! Thanks in advance :) \~\~\~\~\~ STAY BEHIND ME is a 77,000-word mystery with psychological thriller elements for fans of Riley Sager’s Middle of the Night, Kate Alice Marshall’s What Lies in the Woods, and the HBO series Search Party Fifteen years ago, Lucy Chen became a teen star when she exposed her classmate for poisoning his best friend with a spiked Vanilla Coke—splashed across the front page of her high school paper. Now, she’s broke, unemployed, and back in her suburban hometown with nothing to show for her once-promising journalism career. When another local teen, Joseph Quang, is found poisoned, Lucy’s past comes roaring back. The police, fearful of the cult-like fandom that’s grown around the original Vanilla Coke teen killer, are quick to declare Joseph’s death a suicide. But his family isn’t buying it—and neither is Lucy.  Desperate to salvage her sorry life with a big scoop, Lucy starts digging. She teams up with Sam Chau, a former classmate and pot-smoking party boy turned local cop. Stuck in a long-term situationship with his former high school teacher, Sam increasingly regrets never having left hometown. Drawn to Lucy’s ambition, he joins her as they traverse the sinister underbelly of their suburb, including a crazed teen fangirl, a mysterious alt-right streamer, and a teacher recruiting his students into an exclusive club.  With each new turn, Lucy must confront if her teen reporting inspired a copycat killing, or if she helped convict the wrong person fifteen years ago, leaving an at-large killer on the loose. Along the way, she attempts to outrun the career-wrecking scandal that traces all the way back to the original murder. This twisty thriller explores themes of wasted potential, ambition, and the divide between those who leave and those who stay. The novel is told through multiple POVs with fictional excerpts from forum chats, streamer transcripts, fanfiction, and more.

Hello again PubTips! I'm pasting below round 3 of my query letter + the first 300 words. I have adjusted both based on feedback received through this sub. I greatly appreciate any further thoughts. Here are the past versions: [Query version 1 ](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lzmwld/qcrit_its_1999_all_over_again_time_travel_ya_89k/) [Query version 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m5x2g7/qcrit_speculative_ya_its_1999_all_over_again_89k/) TIA! Dear (AGENT): Nerdish seventeen-year-old Mikee is racing against time to program a fix for Y2K—a fix that’ll prove her genius to her snobby boarding school classmates. She’s stuck in the “friend zone” with her crush, Robin, and can’t wait to put high school behind her. Then, Robin invites her to a NYE party on the eve of the year 2000. But the timing couldn’t be worse. Unbeknownst to Mikee, she’s about to slip back a year in time. Popular Robin is having a pretty epic year, until he’s not. His dad’s been recently diagnosed with ALS and can't do much besides lie on the couch. Terrified about the future, Mikee is the bright spot as Robin's year draws to a close. Then, she’s suddenly gone. Mikee finds herself a year back in time when her program unintentionally opens a time portal. It’s not all bad. She uses the extra time to prevent Y2K and soon learns to harness time travel. But when her curiosity takes her to the year 2029, she discovers that the future is run by a nasty generative AI company—a company that wouldn’t exist if she hadn’t prevented Y2K. Determined to stop her past self from programming the Y2K fix, Mikee returns to 1999 seeking help from the one person who's alway believed in her: Robin. Robin’s love for Mikee is strong. But the pull of his past is stronger. He uses time travel to abandon Mikee for the good ol’ days before his father’s sickness. With her powers of time travel dwindling, Mikee can leave Robin in the past forever and fight to take back the future from the grips of the evil company alone. Or, she can risk everything in the name of love and travel back to help Robin learn to let go of his past. IT’S 1999 ALL OVER AGAIN is an 88,500-word, dual-POV time travel YA for fans of stories about whether two people in love can ever get the timing right, such as SEE YOU YESTERDAY, YOU’VE REACHED SAM, and OPPOSITE OF ALWAYS. It’s got the ‘90s nostalgia vibes of THROWBACK and the genius teen invents time loops to change the past of TIME TRAVEL FOR LOVE AND PROFIT. An excerpt from it won honorable mention in [conference name]. [About Me] ×××××××××××××× First 300 words ×××××××××××××× ​ The first big discovery I made about time travel is why we all want to do it in the first place. When I interviewed my class for an assignment freshman year, everyone believed things were perfect somewhere in time—just not right here and now. My first attempt at leaving the right here and now, sophomore year, didn’t go so well. By not so well I mean it was a total failure. Going somewhere else in time is a lot harder than it looks in the movies. These days, I’m learning to be content with bringing somewhere else in time to me. That’s how I fell in love with Jack Kerouac. It was a perfectly normal conversation, the first chat I had with Jack in my head. I pictured him walking to class beside me on the first day of school this year. I told him about my masterpiece, the one I’ve been working on since my time travel project failed. It’s a software program that’ll prevent a major bug in how calendar systems were designed in computers. That bug is called Y2K, or the Year 2000 problem, and if it isn’t fixed before New Year’s Day 2000, the results will be catastrophic. From the start, Jack has been this special person who’s capable of appreciating my masterpiece. He’s handsome. Athletic. French-Canadian. And, well, dead. Yeah, not ideal. The whole massive hemorrhage in 1969—30 years ago—kind of threw a wrench into things. An important detail. One that would end most romances, no doubt. Plus, he was 47 when he died. Clearly too old for a high schooler. I prefer to think of him as the younger Kerouac, anyway.

Sherman is a 70k-word upmarket fantasy about man-eating giants. It is meant for an adult audience. Dear \[Agent\], One evening, Papa brings home a rare treat for supper: it's a fresh, still-alive human, ready to be boiled for the stew. A lone traveler who wandered into the wrong northern fjord-valley, got too close to giant territory, and got caught. Mama isn't happy about the surprise. She isn't happy about much of anything these days, and honestly, she finds man-flesh a little gristly. But to her horror, their little daughter, who everybody just calls the Wee One, takes a *liking* to the verminous little human. She doesn't want to *eat* the human, she wants to *befriend* it, make it a *pet*. She even names it! She calls it Sherman. Humans and giants share no language, but Sherman is clever enough to understand that his only chance at survival lies in making a little girl (who happens to be nine feet tall) think he's fun to play with. All he wants to do is find a way to escape a house where all the door-latches are too high to reach, but as time goes by, he forms a bond with the Wee One—to the point that when he does get a chance to escape, he sacrifices it to save the Wee One from a carnivorous predator. In saving the Wee One, he wins Mama over...but then some of the other giants realize just how useful humans can be. Papa's brother, the town mayor, comes up with a plan: Why not go to the nearest human settlement and kidnap a human for his own family? And this time, why not make it a female? They could have a breeding pair, and with that, they might be able to start a human-nanny *business.* It's not as if the other humans—the female human's loved ones—have any way to make trouble for the giants, right? Not when they're that small. ——— My name is \[My Name\], and I'm a 40-something ex-Marine with a Ph.D. I'm also the father of a five-year-old, and if she were giant-sized I would be in a lot of trouble. This book touches on some dark themes, including slavery, human husbandry, and the tastiness and texture of human flesh, but ultimately, this is a surprisingly wholesome book, almost cozy, with a competent protagonist reminiscent of Bandit Heeler or Mark Watson. This book is what you would get if you mashed up the story of Scheherazade with the story of Mary Poppins, except it features an unkempt hermit who has a gift for languages and an understanding of animal behavior, but doesn't really *like* anybody. Hope you enjoy! ——— Mama was sweeping the main room, and the Wee One was playing with Little Tilly, when the door opened up and Papa poked his head inside, a wide grin on his face. "I'm home, my darlings," he said. He scraped his boots on the mud-rail, because it was mid-spring and the mountains that rimmed the valley were shedding ice water. As Papa entered, he brought forth a big basket that was shaking slightly. "And I brought us a treat!" "Papa!" the Wee One cried. She pitter-pattered over to hug his leg. Mama came over to give him a hug and a kiss too, but she was suspicious. "What's this treat, then?" she asked. "It's a human!" Papa said excitedly. "How long has it been since we've had human for dinner? Fresh, too. Bert caught him right next to the water tower. Can you believe it? That close? Bert said I could take him. I tell you, Myrtle, sometimes I think I don't get enough respect from my brother, but then he goes and does something like this." Mama's real name was Myrtle, and she was horrified when the Wee One said, "Wow, a human? I've never seen one before." "Let's take a look," said Papa as he flipped the catch on the basket's lid. "Whoop! Look at the little guy trying to get away!" He pushed the little human, who was scrambling to get out of the basket, back down in and closed the lid. "Best keep that closed for the moment." Papa looked over at Mama with a look, half trepidation, half happiness. "Isn't that nice, Myrtle?" he asked, "That Bert did that for us?"

Hey everyone! This is my first attempt at querying an MS that I've been working on for about 2 years now. To be honest, I've shelved and come back to this piece multiple times, especially because I feel that the concept is not extremely novel, and it may fail to grab much attention due to that. Still, of the numerous manuscripts that I have shelved right now, it's the one that I care most about, and would really like to try and give it a fair shot if I can. This query is pretty rough, and I'm posting here to address a few major concerns: 1.) Length. The body of the query alone is around 350, which I know is *really* pushing it. I would like to tighten it up, but being so close to the plot, I'm having a hard time figuring out what can be cut. I would love some outside eyes, since I know you guys will be better able to tell me what doesn't make sense, or what doesn't fit. 2.) Comps. I don't have any! There's a few that I'm playing around with, like *These Fleeting Shadows* by Kate Alice Marshall, but I'm otherwise at a loss atm. 3.) Concept. Though every aspect of the plot is kind of my darling, I feel like it's not high concept enough/kind of overplayed in general. Thoughts? With all that out of the way, here's the main body of the query (no housekeeping lol): Small town Idaho makes Mary-Jane feel powerless, and she hates it. As her high school graduation nears, she’s increasingly eager to escape into the new life that she’s been meticulously planning for the last four years. But when her mother tells her that they don’t have the money to send her to the city, her perfect plan shatters. Attempting to distract her, her friend Alfred asks her to join him in thrill-seeking around abandoned basements, something they did as young kids. When she declines, he instead goes alone and returns claiming to have found a goddess, made from the bodies of fallen stars.  Doubtful, Mary-Jane ignores his story—until he starts disappearing and returning disheveled, covered in splatters of something putrid and yellow, and preaching about starting a new religion. Concerned, she follows him to the basement, where she comes face-to-face with Alfred’s goddess: a disgusting, pultaceous mass of body parts and half-sloughed skin. It reaches out and touches Mary-Jane, stealing a piece of her flesh and leaving images of an infinite, starry universe burned into her memory. After the encounter, Mary-Jane can’t sleep. She feels sicker the longer she’s away from the basement, and worse, she swears she can see centuries worth of its memories—and victims. When bodies start turning up with wide, black eyes riddled with specks that resemble the stars she saw when the monster touched her, Mary-Jane tries to warn the town. No matter who she talks to, though, she’s met with blank stares and apathy—even from Alfred, who claims to have no memory of the monster at all.  As she tries to access the monster’s memories for answers, the lines between her mind and its begin to blur. And, as the body count rises, they both start to feel something new: power. As the monster’s strength grows, so too does their connection, and Mary-Jane finds that this new part of her finally makes her life feel less small. More isolated by the day, she struggles to decide whether stopping the deaths is worth it, if it comes at the cost of a freedom that she might never have otherwise.

Thank you for all of your wonderful feedback! I really appreciate it. I tried my hand at cutting down the summary of the book by around 100 words, and adjusting some of the opening pages as well! \~\~\~\~\~ Dear Agent, Mollie Ross is a stay at home mom struggling with an obsessive-compulsive disorder that causes her to believe that her every minor mistake is proof that she's failing the people she loves most. Driving home from a holiday party, Mollie makes the worst mistake of her life when she accidentally hits and kills woman standing in the middle of her street. With the help of her husband, Christian, Mollie helps covers up the accident, but her OCD makes keeping secrets impossible as every compulsive ritual she performs to manage her guilt threatens to expose her. When Mollie learns that her son's former English teacher, Mrs. Jacobs, went missing the night of the accident, she inserts herself into the school's search effort, fearing the teacher was her victim. The more Mollie discovers about Mrs. Jacobs however, the more she realizes their lives have been entangled long before the crash.  After Mrs. Jacob’s husband confronts Mollie with allegations his wife had been having an affair with Christian, Mollie is forced to investigate her husband, and what she uncovers is far more disturbing: Mrs. Jacobs wasn't having an affair with Christian—she was involved in an illicit relationship with Mollie's sixteen-year-old son. And Christian knew all along. Now Mollie must confront the hidden truths among the people she loves most as she tries to figure out exactly what happened that night and who was responsible, all while fighting against her own self-sabotaging thoughts. Combining the complex and flawed characters of The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and Jann Han Korelitz’ The Plot and The Sequel, with the addictive pacing of Look in the Mirror by Catherine Steadman and None of this is True by Lisa Jewell, AN ACCIDENT is a 95,000 word psychological thriller that explores the intersection of maternal guilt, mental illness, and the lengths we'll go to protect our families.  \~\~\~\~\~ FIRST 300: I roll down my window as I drive down Mulholland, winding my SUV through the moonlit canyon connecting the beachside beauty and movie-star wealth of Malibu with the slightly less suburban excesses of Calabasas. It’s seventy degrees in December, one of those warm winter nights that make you appreciate living in Southern California, and I want to enjoy the spoils that my overpriced zip code affords me. I’m also a little drunk. That’s not true. I’m tipsy, at best. I’m not drunkenly hurling my Range Rover in and out of oncoming traffic, but the sobering effect of the warm breeze on my face is still a welcome message to myself that I am not too drunk to drive. My husband, Christian, is passed out in the passenger seat. His head is pressed hard against the window, his limp body reflected with the glow of each streetlight we pass under. He’s far more intoxicated than I am, the slight sound of a snore from the back of his throat the only thing reassuring me that his still body is in fact alive. It’s a rare event for me to be driving a drunken Christian home. He rarely drinks to excess. He rarely does anything to excess. Though I’ve heard stories about his wilder days before we met, in the nearly twenty years that we’ve been together, I can count on a single hand the number of times that I’ve seen him with his head over a toilet after a wild night of drinking. The last time I saw him truly good and sloshed was shortly after we married, when he joined a group of my college friends on a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate my twenty-first birthday. In the years since, I’ve seen Christian drink plenty of times, usually at home in front of the TV during a baseball game, but never to the point of losing control.

Dear \[Agent\], I’m seeking representation for VITALITY, an 80,000-word adult suspense novel inspired by *The Dream* podcast and influenced by *Luckiest Girl Alive* by Jessica Knoll and *The Other Black Girl* by Zakiya Dalila Harris. When a disgraced pre-med student joins a glittering wellness MLM to fund her father’s surgery, she uncovers the trail of a vanished mentor—and the unsettling tactics the company uses to control its own. Sophie Lee’s father is losing his sight—and without insurance, emergency surgery is out of reach. Desperate, Sophie swallows her doubts and signs on with Vitality, a booming MLM peddling overpriced supplements she knows are pseudoscience. She already lost her chance at med school after fabricating a tragic story in her application—and being exposed by her best friend. This time, she just needs fast money—and a clean exit. Her early sales skyrocket when she discovers the notes of Miranda, a top-selling Vitality consultant who vanished under suspicious circumstances. Taken under the wing of a high-ranking executive, Sophie begins winning awards, staying in luxury hotels, and drawing increasingly dangerous attention from the company’s inner circle. They want to make her the new face of Vitality—and pressure her to say she left med school by choice, convinced Vitality’s mission outshines traditional medicine. As a devastating exposé looms and the truth behind Miranda’s disappearance begins to surface, Sophie must decide: protect the system funding her father’s care—or expose the truth and risk everything she holds dear. Inspired by my fascination with health pseudoscience and MLM culture, VITALITY explores how ambition warps morality—and how far we’ll go for the people we love. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, \[redacted\]

Long time lurker finally ready to throw up my query for critique. I'm aware that pitching a debut as the first in a duology will be a flag against it, and that fae as a subgenre/trope is incredibly oversaturated right now, particularly in romantasy spaces, so I'll have my work cut out for me finding an agent with this book, but I quite like it and figured the only way to know if it'll bear fruit is to try planting it while also working on other projects. Anyways, I would love extra eyes on this bad boy. Any and all criticism is welcome! Without further ado If Jim Henson’s *Labyrinth* was directed by Guillermo del Toro, THE RABBIT BRIDE is an 108,000 word adult gothic romantic fantasy that combines fairytale and folklore conventions in a world of dangerous fae through the lens of an autistic human woman. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the gothic appetite of Alexis Henderson’s *House of Hunger* and the explorations of feminine repression and dangerous, inhuman fae of *The Rose Bargain* by Sasha Peyton Smith. It is intended to be the first in a duology. After being prodded with hot iron as a child in an attempt to prove her a changeling, the human girl learned to wear masks. First, she was her birth name, Anne Bauer—a quiet farmer’s daughter in search of a husband. When soldiers boarded in her family’s farm and ate through their winter stores, she bargained away her value as a bride to a fae known only as the King of Eld in exchange for getting rid of them. Disowned by her family as a result, she became the malleable brothel worker, Gwynevere. Now, seven years later, Gwynevere is a seasoned prostitute content to live the rest of her days reaping what she’d sown. But she abruptly stumbles into providence when she unknowingly saves a prince’s life, and he vows to return the favor by marrying her. It’s a fairytale ending. She should be happy. She shouldn’t feel resigned to a fate she’s powerless to decline. She shouldn’t be angry. Then the King of Eld returns without warning. He steals her away to his palace and proposes a game: if she can escape within three seasons’ time, she’ll be free to go. If not, she’ll die however he sees fit. Trapped in a labyrinthian palace of ever-changing rooms and a mercurial fae king, Gwynevere dives headfirst into plotting her escape. But her time there proves confusing. Dangerous as he is, the King sees beyond the masks she wears. He sees the unknown, rageful, and hurting woman that she truly is, and he is fascinated. Maybe, just maybe, Gwynevere’s true liberation lies not within a Happily Ever After, but the eerie greed of a bored monster’s game. As a disabled autistic woman, I love all things gothic, monstrous, and villainous. When I’m not gushing about Dracula and the historical intersection of fairy folklore and neurodivergence, I can be found reading fanfiction and perfecting my cooking skills. \-- The imperial soldiers came like a swarm of locusts. Flooding through the village, they plundered the livestock, women, and the autumn harvest. They were not the enemy, not after the old coward king let them in with open arms. No, they were friends, owed room and board wherever their fancies led them. “Put up with it,” Mama said when Anne told her that they'd slaughtered their family’s last pig. She scrubbed the dishes from the day faster and harsher, forearm flexing with the weight of her strength. “They’ll be gone by the fortnight. We’d best not cause any trouble for the men while they’re here.” Anne fisted her yellow shawl tighter. Her jaw clenched, and she buried her growing anger deep under her skin, where it would simmer and rot with all her other angers. Mama did not listen to Anne when she showed such emotions. Granted, Mama seldom listened when Anne spoke at all, but Anne *needed* her to right now. “We won’t have enough food to last the winter.” Mama’s lips thinned. She dropped the dish into the sink basin. It clattered against the metal, loud and sudden. Anne's heartbeat rose. Anxiety slithered within her veins.  Sweat, exhaustion, and stress lines painted Mama’s stern face. Wisps of her coal black hair escaped her messy bun and fell into her eyes. “Do you think I don’t know that?” She glanced at Anne, dark gaze bright with something hard and unyielding. “Better we starve than face the wrath of an empire.” Anne bit her lip, worrying the flesh between the sharpness of her incisors. The spike of pain was grounding enough to center her mind and fight the small child in her that wished to never draw her mother’s ire.

*It’s been awhile, but after the last rounds of comments and some substantial edits to my manuscript (dropping another 6k words), I’m back with a brand-spankin’ new take on querying this thing. As always, greatly appreciate all the prior comments and thank you very much in advance for further critique. This 4th query attempt represents a complete 180 on how I was approaching the pitch, since my prior versions all read like lukewarm, YA slop. This time, I’m trying to justify the pitch to adult fiction and also focus on the true ensemble nature of the narrative.* The small, southeast Texas town of Beaumont is in crisis. Its children, guided by the light of a candle only they can see, are disappearing. Its other residents are losing their grip on reality. And in the fragile, early-morning hours of March 27th, 1986, the boundaries between real and make-believe begin to unravel. GREY NEIGHBORS is a 109,500-word dark fantasy novel blending Irish and Welsh folklore with 1980s suburban Americana. Its multi-POV narrative will appeal to fans of Victor LaValle’s *The Changeling* or GennaRose Nethercott’s *Thistlefoot*. When Lina Dean made a deal with a demon to give the fairy king Oberon a child, she never imagined the consequences. Now the price has come due, and everyone in her orbit will suffer for it. Matthew, her teenage son, accidentally opens a doorway to another world, unleashing the mythical Dullahan—a headless horseman seeking children for sacrifice to an ancient evil. Detective Jacob Fusilier's investigation into the abductions makes his own daughter a target. And when Kit Canstick—the will o'the wisp legend made flesh—takes both Matthew's former best friend Stacey Whitley and Jacob's daughter, the cascading costs become devastatingly personal. To survive, each character must confront demons both literal and metaphorical. Lina discovers that love, not abandonment, drove Oberon to seal the gates between worlds, but her imprisonment by Queen Titania leaves Matthew to navigate his dangerous heritage alone. Stacey must reconcile years of cruelty with the sacrifices he is willing to make to survive, and Jacob will abandon his rational worldview in order to track Kit Canstick and rescue his daughter. Their paths converge in a climactic confrontation at ShowBiz Pizza Place, where the fate of the town’s children will be determined but victory will come at irreversible cost. GREY NEIGHBORS leverages its ensemble cast to explore the question of how a “hero’s journey” affects the lives of those around them, focusing on family legacy and the loss of innocence against a backdrop of mythic horror. With a tone equal parts folkloric dread and suburban nightmare—think Pan’s Labyrinth meets early Stephen King—it is the first book of a duology with series potential. It aligns well with your interests in [personalized]. I am a filmmaker-turned-attorney with a lifelong passion for folklore and storytelling, and GREY NEIGHBORS is my debut novel. Thank you very much for your consideration.

This for UK context, where agencies generally ask to be alerted to any full requests. I started querying today, and after sending the first five I got a lovely email and full requests from the second agent - who had read my first three chapters and wanted the full. Good news, but should I follow up immediately with the others I’ve queried? I’m worried it will look a bit strange (or worst case false)? Update: I went back and double checked the agency guidance for my other submissions. All explicitly said they want updates on full requests so I did email a line to update. I got once quick response saying ‘Congratulations - that was quick’ haha and they said they would read my query asap and to let them know immediately if I have any other interest. But then again, I know all agents are different

I put up the query letter for my first completed manuscript here last week, and I got a ton of excellent and useful advice! I have another completed manuscript that I'm on a similar stage with, and would love to hear thoughts on this one. My scifi horror definitely needs a LOT of time in the shop; this one definitely does too, but I've distinctly gotten the vibe it's the more viable/marketable of the two. That being said, once again, don't hold back - I really appreciated every bit of feedback I got last week. **Query Letter** Dear \[Agent\], The witch Mordran despises monarchy and all it represents. She stays far from it in the hinterlands, ministering cures to superstitious fellow peasants. When she is called to the capital on urgent business by the Queen, she expects to be arrested. But Queen Kalina needs a healer for her five-year-old son. Mordran does as she is asked, if only for the sake of a young boy; but despite her hatred of the institution, she finds that the Queen herself is a kind and virtuous woman, leading the country as best she can in place of a sickly and insane King. Mordran becomes at first a friend and, soon, a lover to the Queen as she tries to reform from within. But Mordran must reckon with the evil that imperialistic monarchy has wrought - particularly its military. In the ailing kingdom, a coup is fomenting. With the King’s mind deteriorating, Queen Kalina is the only thing standing between vicious generals and absolute power. As the assassination attempts on the Queen intensify, Mordran realizes her job is more complex than saving one child. With the Queen short on allies, Mordran decides to play detective, find proof of the coup and protect the monarchy she detests against something she knows will be much worse. Even as the political strife mounts, the deadliest enemy of all may be in Modran’s mind. Her Mother, physically dead for years, haunts her as a spectral devil that lives forever in her bloodline, yearning only for fiery destruction. All throughout her conflicts in the capital, Mordran's Mother is in her head, pushing for Mordran to take the violent way out and embrace the demonic She-Devil that the people fear she will become. Ecstasy and Fire is a finished 58,000-word dark fantasy romance novel that broadly adapts the story of Grigori Rasputin in a fantasy setting. A book for those who loved *Song of Achilles* for the combination of historical adaptation and queer romance, *The Goblin Emperor* for politics in a down-to-earth fantasy setting, or *Our Share of Night* for demonic family drama. **Specific things I'm worried about** * I know that this story is fairly low on the word count - my last story I had here was 45k, which was *definitely* too short; I'd like to know if 58k is more reasonable in the fantasy market. * Genre - it's definitely dark fantasy, it's definitely romance, and it's definitely got some horror elements. I'm not sure if I'd purely call it "romantasy", but I also know that's very big right now - and I can definitely make that a more primary part of the narrative if that seems like it's for the best. * The historical angle - history nerds are definitely a thing, and I have broadly adapted the story of Rasputin as the structure for this story. Is that something that I should lean into, or something that could distract from the whole? **First \~300 words** “Open the door, She-Devil.” I’ve been debating whether or not I need a weapon, but when I hear the village drunkard’s rasping slur I know such persuasion will be necessary. “I have a gun, Tomas.” Digging into the cutlery drawer for the revolver I keep stowed there, checking for the glinting bullets in the low light. “Give us the girl, She-Devil, and no one needs to get hurt.” “Well if I *give* you the girl she’s going to *die*, you idiot.” I look down at Alia, the baker’s daughter. Her breathing is shallow but steadied. The salves have taken some effect, but they will require my direct intervention. Direct intervention that will be impossible for me to pull off with angry drunkards kicking down my door.  There’s a drumming sound outside that I know must be the butts of various farming tools taken up for a witch-hunt, drunken hollers and taunts from what sounds like a larger crowd than I’d realized. “What are you doin’ to her in there?” My heart sinks to hear the girl’s mother, the one who’d brought her to me in the first place. Her voice, too, clearly slick with drink.  “I am *healing* her, Cinta. As we *agreed*.” Remembering this baker’s tear-streaked face of this morning, just six hours ago; now I clearly imagine her running to the village tavern after leaving her in my care, sinking into her fears over the strange woman she’d entrusted her daughter to, venting these uncertainties to her fellow boozers until they’d whipped themselves up into a frenzy.  “You b’witched me!” Cinta shouts, echoed with cries of “Witch! Witch!” from this rabble she’s roused. This isn’t anything I haven’t dealt with before. This is the sixth village in one less year—no matter how much you boost their crops, they always turn on you eventually.

Hi all, looking for some feedback on this query letter. This is my first book and I have zero idea what I’m doing, but this subreddit has already been super helpful. Please be gentle! [AGENT NAME], When a grieving mother seeks private investigator Art Wilson’s help, he could never imagine it might take him into the supernatural. Wilson, an autistic divorcee, is recruited to the case of a man who seemingly aged 50 years in a few hours and died of old age in his 30s. When Wilson travels to Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley to investigate, he runs into Lynn Showalter, who mentions a similar case that happened to a family friend, sending him down a rabbit hole and putting his own life at risk. Meanwhile, Showalter is alarmed by what she learned from Wilson and convenes her elderly group of friends, who vanquished a monster a half-century earlier, to figure out if the evil they thought long gone has returned. The group ends up on a collision course with Wilson, who will be vital in stopping further bloodshed. Already struggling with changes to schedules, making emotional connections and holding his boundaries with alcohol, Wilson’s tenuous understanding of the world is soon turned upside down. Forced to team up with a group of strangers, Wilson has to operate outside the law because the truth is stranger than fiction. He’ll have to hope his ragtag group of comrades can save more than just themselves. STAINS OF OUR FATHERS is an 88,000-word, completed manuscript that falls into the genres of mystery, thriller and detective novel. Inspired by the supernatural investigations of Stephen King in The Outsider and the quirky Holly Gibney, it appeals to those who just don’t feel like they have a place in the world. Comparable titles are the dual narrative of Loreth Ann White’s The Unquiet Bones and the supernatural turn of Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. About me: I am a journalist with nearly a decade of experience covering every topic under the sun. I’ve won more than a dozen awards for my work in a career that has taken me from the Shenandoah Valley to the White House. Throughout it all, I’ve maintained a dream of publishing a novel and a love of crime, mysteries, thrillers and horror. STAINS OF OUR FATHERS is my debut novel. I’m looking for agencies like yours to help bring my vision to life. I truly believe in my ability to tell this compelling story with vital representation for a marginalized community. As an autistic person myself, I can translate my experiences into Art Wilson. He’s a man who struggles to connect with others, faces battles with addiction and is trying hard to navigate a world that was never designed for people like him. I look forward to the opportunity to work with you. Respectfully, Nolan Stout

Hi again! Thank you to everyone who has given me feedback on my first two attempts, it was super helpful! I cannot for the life of me get this under 300 words, but I added more of the actual plot now and took out some background and character stuff. I hope this has more of a thriller feel. I also revealed one of the twists, because I don't know how else I can highlight how important the character of Bex is, but it's not the major twist of the book. I'm really curious to hear your feedback! :) [1st Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1luuqo9/qcrit_psychological_thriller_the_blood_in_me_94k/) [2nd Attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m5jk5d/qcrit_psychological_thriller_the_blood_in_me_94k/) Dear agent, I’m seeking representation for my psychological thriller THE BLOOD IN ME, complete at 94,000 words. This story will appeal to readers of Lisa Jewell’s *The Family Upstairs* and *The Clinic* by Cate Quinn, blending a haunting search for identity with the unraveling mind of an amateur sleuth struggling with addiction, while adding a sapphic love story. Vanessa is as addicted to cocaine as her late mother was to alcohol. But a deathbed confession from her estranged father shatters everything: she's adopted. A desperate hope sparks inside Vanessa – if her bloodline isn't cursed, she might have a shot at getting clean. But first, she must uncover the truth about her birth parents, despite her father's warning not to. Letters from her birth mother lead Vanessa to a remote Massachusetts town, revealing the chilling truth that she was found as a baby beside her parents' bodies in a remote cabin, a case ruled a murder-suicide twenty-seven years ago. Yet, her mother’s letters hint at a far darker story, mentioning threats and a conspiracy that the town is desperate to keep secret. Vanessa is stonewalled by the town’s police chief, who once worked the case, and warned off by Rum, the local drunk with a broken past and secrets to hide. Only Bex, a quick-witted inn clerk with a painful history in the foster system, is willing to help. As Vanessa and Bex grow closer, so do the shadows around them. Someone is watching, following, leaving ominous warnings. When Rum turns up dead, Vanessa knows that someone is willing to kill to keep the truth buried. Vanessa's investigation takes a turn when more of her mother's letters surface, revealing a new name: Mara. A woman no one wants to talk about. A woman who was at the cabin with her parents, and who had her own baby at the time. But where is Mara now, and what happened to her daughter? As Vanessa descends deeper into obsession and her addiction, she begins to suspect the truth is closer than she ever imagined. Maybe even sleeping in the same bed. Could Bex be the daughter of the woman who murdered her parents?

Newly-minted wizard Aurelian needs a direction in life, and has crossed the Seven Kingdoms to buy one. He’s a magical prodigy and the first in his working-class family to attend university, and the bright future ahead of him bores him to death. Chasing outlandish rumors about a junk shop proprietor who can sell you your heart’s desire, he heads for the isolated forest town of Hartwood. The legendary shopkeeper declares he has just what Aurelian needs and promptly drops dead, leaving Aurelian with a choice: go home to the good job he has waiting for him, or impersonate the dead shopkeeper’s assistant and search the shop himself. When a charming aristocrat is left stranded by a robbery, Aurelian generously offers to put him up for a few nights. Now Evander shows no sign of leaving, chipping in for groceries, or picking up after himself. Aurelian was only humoring him when he offered to let Evander have any thaumic amplifier he came across in the shop. Everyone knows they’re a scam. They’re also Evander’s last hope. He barely has enough magic to do his own laundry, but if he doesn’t graduate as a wizard next spring, he’ll be disowned. The gifted upstart and the magically stunted scion have little in common, except they’re obsessed with the same series of children’s books, they’re squatting in a dead man’s apartment, and they refuse to go home empty-handed. With the rightful heir to the store on his way, they only have the summer to search the maze-like shop for their hearts’ desires, while suffering constant interference from forest outlaws, escaped circus animals, and disgruntled customers. HOW TO AVOID BECOMING A WIZARD is a 90,000-word adult cozy fantasy with an unwanted-houseguest-to-lovers romance that will appeal to fans of *Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries,* set in a whimsical small business in an idyllic town like readers enjoyed in *The Spellshop* and *Legends and Lattes*. I have a BA in Creative Writing from Redacted College, and work as a pet and wildlife artist under the name Pseudonym Redacted. As a nonbinary and neurodivergent writer, I am passionate about imagining queerness and disability in joyful and radically optimistic ways. (First 300 Words) A brass bell chimed brightly, and Aurelian’s beard fell clean off his face. He froze on the junk shop’s threshold, patting foolishly at his smooth chin, as if the auburn fluff drifting to the floor in front of him might have come from anywhere else. Then, in horror, he reached up to check the rest of his hair. It was still there, thank the stars. He gave his braid a firm tug to be sure. The shopkeeper—whose attention had been drawn by the bell and who had, unfortunately, witnessed these proceedings in their entirety—sniggered. Aurelian craned his neck to examine the bell above his head. “Is that some kind of prank device?” He squinted, but could not make out even the slightest shimmer of a sigil. “How does it work?” “Recent graduate, I take it?” Aurelian bristled at the assumption, all the more irritating for being entirely correct. “Why do you say that? I came first in my class in sigillography, and anyone would be hard-pressed to read the enchantments on that thing; it’s a remarkably subtle piece of work.” He tilted his head side to side, trying to catch a glimmer. “Absurdly fine for a joke working, really.” “I say that because that bell isn’t a joke working, or any kind of working. There’s an anti-thaumic field in this shop, and your beard fell off because you haven’t been a wizard long enough to grow one the old-fashioned way.” The shopkeeper tugged his own snowy white beard, which was neatly braided, threaded with silver chain, and securely attached to his face. Aurelian flushed. “Why on earth is there an anti-thaumic field running in a shop? I’ve only heard of them in advanced alchemical laboratories and the like.”

Hi guys, I wanted to share my querying stats, my query letter, and a few things I’ve learned from the querying process—especially for those who are feeling new, overwhelmed, or unsure where to start (like me!). I have no formal creative writing background, no professional critique partners, and I didn’t use any professional manuscript editing services (a 1000 dollars is not something I could afford as a uni student). I had 5 beta readers who offered to help me on Reddit, and they were absolutely wonderful. This is the first novel I’ve ever queried, and I know how impossible it can feel at times—like you're up against a wall of people who know what they’re doing and you don’t. So if you’re in that boat too, I hope this helps you <3 Starting with my stats: Agents queried: 45 Full requests: 11 Partial requests: 3 CNR: 10 (rookie mistake—I queried 7 agents who repped mystery/dark academia but *not* YA lol). Time taken until first offer: 4 months. (I received it yesterday and have updated the other agents on my list, so not signed yet). I sent queries in small batches over four months, revising between rounds based on feedback. NOW, for everything I have learnt about the querying/writing process: 1.Your manuscript itself: Write in a genre you *love* and know well. You should be able to name at least 10–12 books in that space. I write YA Mystery, and before drafting, I read around 75 books in the genre (one a day while at uni—yes, I had a lot of free time and not many friends). Reading widely helps you understand what tropes work, what’s overdone, and what readers crave. It also lets you offer something that feels both fresh *and* familiar. Highly recommend reading *Save the Cat! Writes a Novel* and *The Emotional Craft of Fiction* if you're new to writing—both helped me structure and deepen the story and character arcs. 2.The query package: This was the part I struggled with the most. Everyone had a different opinion on my query—PubTips was split (some said it was unique, others thought it was generic), agents had mixed reactions, and even my friends disagreed. Eventually, I shut out the noise and wrote a version *I* found intriguing, then ran it past two beta readers who knew the story. Here’s what I learned: your query doesn’t have to be *perfect*, just compelling enough to get the agent to read your pages. Trust your gut. Some quick tips: Use comp titles you’ve actually read and genuinely love. Avoid anything over 5 years old, if you can. Your opening pages matter *a lot*—make sure they’re polished and introduce your world and the core characters clearly (happy to help with this if you want to reach out). 3.Finding a tailored list of agents: I basically lived on Twitter and MSWL for four months. Every time an agent posted, I’d look for themes or keywords that matched my book. Don’t rely only on their personal MSWL pages—they can be outdated. Instead, check the #MSWLhashtag on Twitter/X, where agents post what they’re *currently* looking for. I personalized every query because I only submitted to agents who were actively seeking books like mine. That was my approach—but casting a wider net works too, if that’s your style. If you can, get QueryTracker Premium, it’s affordable and so worth it. Look for agents who tend to respond quickly and query them early. Their feedback (or silence) can help you tweak your query. My second rejection was personalized and pointed out that one of my comp titles didn’t match the vibe of my pitch, which helped me adjust before sending out my next batch. 4.Staying hopeful and believing in yourself: This, more than anything else, is what got me through. I feel like we live in a society where everything is a competition, or a rat race, and the odds are always impossible. Someone is always, always doing more than you. Before I started querying, I was prepared for the worst after talking to people. I’d convinced myself that getting an agent was nearly impossible, that your first novel is just for practice querying, that I used too many adverbs, and that I probably needed an MFA to be taken seriously. You might feel, like I did, like I was a David surrounded by Goliaths in the trenches. You might feel hopeless, rejected, and ashamed you even thought you had a chance. You might want to give up after that 15th rejection on your query and 4th rejection on a full. But here’s the thing—and I know it sounds cheesy—please believe in yourself. If you’ve put in the work and you love your novel, it’s worth taking the shot. Because if you don't try at all, then your chances are zero anyway. I’m not saying it’ll definitely happen. But sometimes, it helps to tune out the stats and the imposter syndrome—and just hype yourself up. That kind of quiet belief in your work will show in your query. In your pages. In your voice. And agents can feel it. I've also attached my final query below, just in case anybody's interested. Reach out to me if you need any help with the querying process, need a beta reader (I love all things YA and Romantasy), or just need to vent. I met some amazing people on Reddit who supported me through this journey, and were invaluable in helping me stay positive throughout. QUERY LETTER: Arianna Venkat never applied to The Gold List. But someone put her name on it anyway. At Ravindra Academy, an elite boarding school in South India, the Gold List isn’t just a competition—it’s a ticket to an Ivy League future. Each year, a secret committee selects ten seniors to compete in challenges that test intelligence, influence, and survival instincts. For Arianna, a fiercely competitive scholarship athlete, the Gold List has always been rigged for the rich. But when her best friend Tarini—a wealthy overachiever who hides her anxiety behind perfect grades and designer heels—vanishes without a trace, Arianna realizes the competition isn’t just unfair. It’s dangerous.   Determined to uncover the truth, Arianna starts playing to win. Her only allies? Kian, a brilliant med student and her athletic nemesis, who she might be falling for. Veer, a golden-boy singer hiding fractures beneath the spotlight. And Jai, an introverted artist whose sketchbook holds clues to Tarini’s disappearance.  As they dig deeper, Arianna discovers that the Gold List isn’t just a competition—it’s a decades-old conspiracy designed to protect India's elite at any cost. If she wants to expose the truth, she’ll have to outplay a system built against her— and decide just how much of herself she’s willing to lose to take it down. Blending the systemic injustice of ACE OF SPADES with the eat-the-rich energy of NINTH HOUSE, THE GOLD LIST is an 80,000 word, dual-POV YA dark academia novel. I have pasted the first five pages of the manuscript below and look forward to hearing from you. (I've edited it out the bio). I am rooting for you! xxx

Hi! I've been querying for 5 months. On social media, my book is attracting positive attention with the tidbits I share! But querying is feeling (a little) daunting as of now. I LOVE my book and really believe it's worth being picked up. It's an upmarket women's fiction novel, 80,000 words with romantic elements. (Slow-Burn, Hard-Earned healing love) [[For reference, two agents sent me personalised rejections. One who read with great interest 50 pages and had a hard time rejecting me but ultimately did so because they didn't know how to fit my book with their list. The other one reached out via socials ahead of being open to unsolicited queries after an agents guide/pitch sparked their interest]] My stats as of now are 40 queries sent 28 rejections 0 positive replies 12 outstanding queries. You can also find my query letter below. I want this book to succeed! Thank you immensely in advance. Dear [Agent], I am seeking representation for UNDER MY OWN MAKING, my 80,000-word upmarket women’s fiction novel about an heiress with deep emotional scars, a healing, hard-earned romance tied to a shared past, and a toxic, powerful family. Imagine the small-town atmosphere of Dawson’s Creek and the slow-burn romance of Christina Lauren’s Love and Other Words, set against the family dynamics of Kristin Hannah’s The Great Alone. Beta readers have noted that the father/daughter dynamic in my novel parallels that of Kendall and Logan Roy in HBO’s Succession. My novel explores topics such as parental abuse, dissociation by trauma and an emotional detachment disorder. When Sloan Pierce is named CEO of her family’s world-renowned hotel empire, she can practically taste the love and validation from her relentlessly cruel father, Richard. Finally, they can move past years of Richard’s abuse. But then Sloan’s estranged older brother, Ryle, dies in a freak accident—putting father and daughter again at odds. Though Ryle hadn’t spoken to Sloan since he left their abusive family thirteen years ago to be a musician, Sloan still heads to the tight-knit community of Bayshore Haven for his funeral, where she learns a charity concert Ryle had been organizing needs a leader. Reluctantly, Sloan decides to honor Ryle by staying for a month to coordinate the event. Working remotely while organizing a concert proves challenging—especially as Sloan tries to resist falling irrevocably in love with Ryle’s former best friend, Aiden Knight, who sealed her inability to trust by abandoning her just a year after Ryle did. But when Aiden shares the real reason why he left, Sloan struggles to fully comprehend a whirlwind of spilled confessions. Especially when her father ambushes her at the concert, furious about her secret initiative to use company funds to match each dollar raised to benefit abused children. A violent altercation ensues, and the full potential of Richard’s evil exposes itself. Sloan faces an impossible choice: will the legacy for which she’s sacrificed everything ever be enough to earn her father’s love? Or might she create her own happiness with Aiden and her new community? [Bio] Thank you for your consideration, [Sign off]

Had pretty decent results from my first volley (3 fulls from 20 queries), then after soliciting professional advice...my second volley went nowhere. So I think rather than softening Judith's thorny personality (as was recommended) I might try going in the opposite direction and dial up the villainy, as that follows my initial instincts for the character, and increases the comedic potential. Seeking some thoughts on the query before I start making big changes to the manuscript. Big thanks for the feedback I've gotten so far, and any feedback on this newest version! (Random worry of mine---I use emdashes frequently in my writing, but apparently that's something that can indicate the use of AI...is there a risk that agents could be binning my query thinking it was written using AI? Should I stop using emdashes?) Dear \[Agent\], I think my novel, JUDITH BLANCHE, HIGH SCHOOL NECROMANCER, may be a good fit for your list. It's a YA contemporary fantasy novel of 90K words with the sympathy-for-the-devil appeal of Gregory Macguire’s *Wicked*, combined with similar themes of coming of age and powers of resurrection as Aiden Thomas’s *Cemetery Boys*. Judith may eventually be known as the Lord of the Undead Horde, Archqueen of Blasphemy, and Conqueror of Nations…but right now, she just needs to graduate high school. When her beloved dog died, learning felony necromancy was the only way she could set things right. That devotion unlocked a powerful affinity for the dark arts, but they’ve also pushed her towards secrecy and seclusion from her classmates. But she’s confident that one day everyone will see the benefits of necromancy, rather than just its sinister history—and she’s prepared to conquer the world to prove it, if necessary. Ethan figured Judith would be flattered at his prom invitation—after all, he was on the soccer team (albeit a bench warmer). But when he walked in on her doing a necromantic ritual, instead she murdered him and raised him as a zombie to keep him quiet. Now he’s got a hunger for human flesh, his skin is sallow, and his breath smells like week-old roadkill…and he has to keep a low profile, because if any of his classmates realize he’s undead, the cops will incinerate him for being an abomination. If he can’t have any fun, what’s the point of living anyway? Keeping his undeath a secret seems doomed to fail, but as they dodge near disasters that could doom them both, they develop a begrudging respect for each other, and maybe even start to catch a few feelings. But the longer Ethan remains a zombie, the more of his humanity is lost, and the depths of necromancy necessary to return him to true life may be beyond Judith’s skills—in fact, no one has done it since the days of the lichlords. Can she plumb the dark depths necessary to restore both their futures, or will her selfish impulses ruin a lot more than just prom?  Thank you for your consideration, \[Me\]

I appreciate all the feedback I've been given and am hoping to get some more. I've updated my query letter to make it more punchy (hopefully) and include more of the relationship descriptions, as there are elements of romance in it. A few questions: * As of now, including my salutations and bio, the letter is 403 words and takes up an entire page. Do you think that's too long? The body of the query is 265 words. * Most stories about emigration/immigration deal with characters assimilating in their new country. My story details the journey prior to arrival and soon after arrival. Does the line, " focusing on the journey rather than arrival," help the story stand out more? Thanks! In 1897 Prussian-partitioned Poland, twenty-one-year-old Zofia Kaczmarek has always lived under colonization and forced assimilation. Quiet acts of resistance, with her brother and friends, keep her rooted to her culture. This is her home, no one can take her from it. Except for one person. Jan, Zofia’s husband, is no longer content living under the German Empire. After years of seasonal factory work and conscription, he’s seen the possibilities beyond their small town. Friends since childhood, they’ve spent only six months of their three-year marriage together. Zofia is growing impatient with Jan’s long absences. Something in her is changing, and she can no longer deny it. She needs him beside her. When Zofia shares the news of their growing family, Jan questions his worth and fears for their child’s future under German rule. He wants to provide more than he had growing up, more money, freedom, and prospects. Letters from his cousins in New York speak of opportunity, and Jan believes he can find success there too. But only if Zofia will join him. If they stay, Jan will continue leaving every winter. If they go, they can build a stable life together. Zofia refuses to be separated from Jan again. Abandoning all she has ever known, she will do whatever it takes to keep her family together. Relying on her German fluency and his travel experience, Zofia leaves her home for the first time, navigating the unfamiliar journey and her reunited marriage. Along the way, she faces discrimination and eye-opening revelations. Her courage, resilience, and limited worldview are challenged in ways she never thought possible. BEYOND THE WARTA is my debut historical fiction novel, with romance elements, complete at 97,800 words. It offers a detailed portrayal of daily life in late nineteenth-century Prussian Poland and explores the emotional and physical toll of leaving home, focusing on the journey rather than arrival. It will appeal to readers of Heather Webb’s *The Next Ship Home*, Hope C. Tarr’s *Irish Eyes*, and Frances Quinn’s *The Lost Passenger*.

Hello fellow writers! My eyes are burning reading and rewriting this query letter so many times, so would love love fresh eyes! Particularly if anything is confusing or feels repetitive - or any good areas to cut, since this is a little long. Dear \[Agent\], I’m writing to introduce VILLAINY (91k words), a New Adult fantasy with series potential where the story-hopping of INKHEART by Cornelia Funke meets the ethics of TV series WESTWORLD. This will appeal to fans of Rebecca Ross, Neal Shusterman, and V.E. Schwab. Beyond Ireland’s misty coast, an archipelago lies hidden in the Atlantic Ocean. With quaint pubs, emerald pastures, its thousands of residents have one job: playing villains in stories.  It’s a powerfully meaningful career that twenty-year-old Victoria adores. The darker Vic’s performances go—the brighter the fictional hero shines—the more impactful the story becomes to inspire real world readers with principled ethics. It’s why Vic is an impassioned workaholic. She works under the porters, who send villains into storyworlds that feel strikingly real, but are undeniably, discernably fake. Vic idolizes the porters. They’re mysterious, charismatic. They’ve run the archipelago since ancient Rome. And, critically, they’re the pinnacle of Vic’s career ladder. Job-wise, Vic’s been killing it. She’s progressed from playing pie-poisoning suburbanite Becky and traitorous astronaut Ava, to more consequential roles—like political radicals. War criminals. So when Vic’s finally accepted into porter training, she’s ecstatic. Though she must complete one last villain assignment. It’s a luscious fantasy of sweeping deserts, moonstone palaces. Business as usual. Until the oh-so-handsome hero Ishtar follows her into the real world. It should be impossible, heroes are *fake*. Ishtar is equally stunned. Vic slaughtered his king, and now, she’s tending to her sheep by her coastal cottage? But Ishtar must convince Vic he’s real, lest she return to terrorize his loved ones. And while Vic is confident Ishtar’s a fluke—what fake character wouldn’t insist they’re real?—she needs certainty. So they reluctantly partner to investigate the porters. Along the perils-aplenty journey though, they start…caring. About each other. It’s baffling for feelings-phobic Vic and it complicates everything. Because when the evidence they unearth isn’t clearcut, Vic must decide what to believe. If Ishtar is real? Then her revered porters are heinous liars and the stories she’s entered were real. Including everything she’s wrought. Everyone she’s killed. And if Vic’s not convinced—then she must finish her job as his villain. And this job ends bloodier than it began. \[Bio\] Thank you for your time and consideration. \[Contact info\]

Hi, I would appreciate any feedback on either query and/or first 300. Thanks so much! \----------- Dear PubTips: When a daydreaming farm girl wakes as a spirit after dying of a broken heart, she must murder the prince whose betrayal killed her or else join a troupe of ghostly women who haunt the forest every night slaughtering men. The folkloric atmosphere of *Where the Dark Stands Still* by A.B. Poranek meets the twisty royal romance of *The Rose Bargain* by Sasha Peyton Smith in AND HER EYES WERE WILD. This 75,000-word young adult standalone retells the classic ballet *Giselle* to weave a fairy tale of female rage.   Seventeen-year-old Giselle yearns to escape mundane village life, which is why she falls for a mysterious traveler who spins stories of magic in the wider world. Her best friend Zorion and her mother warn her against him, but Giselle gleefully accepts his marriage proposal at the harvest festival. Yet the stranger is none other than Prince Albrecht, who is already betrothed to someone else, and the truth shatters Giselle’s weak heart, killing her. She transforms into a wili, one of a group of phantom women who, in vengeance for their own broken hearts, spend nights in the forest dancing men to death.  But she rejects the wilis’ dark ways. Their queen promises to give Giselle her normal human life again if only she can kill Prince Albrecht, proving the justice of the wilis’ work. Giselle, furious at Albrecht, eagerly agrees and teams up with Zorion, using her new magic to infiltrate the palace and pose as a noble. She must plan the perfect murder if she wants to return to her heartbroken mother and, maybe, have a future with Zorion, to whom she’s growing closer with each passing day. Yet girls start being found slain at the king's court, and Giselle suspects that someone powerful is hunting women. If she can’t kill Albrecht by spring, Giselle is doomed to a life of evil each night, but traps and spies are all over the palace. One wrong move could land her in the dungeons—or in the hands of the assassin who seeks to kill her, this time for good. \[bio and closing\] **First 300** It was the last day of Giselle’s life. When she woke that morning, twisted her hair into a crown braid, and struggled into her too-small dress, Giselle did not know she would die. When she shrugged on her dead father’s coat, she did not know how close to him she would be soon enough. When she shuffled out to the barn, rubbing her half-open eyes, moving roughly over grass and clover, she did not know that the still-frozen morning earth was watching her, waiting. “Where is Zorion when you need him?” Giselle hissed as she pried open the heavy barn door. The hinges were rusty, and the wood was rotting, but Giselle knew her best friend would be able to do something about it. Zorion always knew what to do. Yet by the time she returned from milking the cow and gathering eggs from the coop, she was ready to skip to the square without eating a bite of breakfast, her thoughts only of Callan. But Zorion and Mama were waiting for her in the kitchen. “Happy Harvest, Gigi,” Zorion said with a laugh. He dropped a giant bouquet of fresh wildflowers into a spare vase, sliding it in front of her spot at the table. The sight of his light brown eyes—they were really almost gray—stopped her singing. They were too probing and wide. Too full of wonder at her appearance. “Where have you been this morning? Useless boy,” she said loudly.  Zorion leaned against the table and counted off on his fingers. “Doing my family’s chores, Elder Liana’s chores, your chores. What was it I missed?” “Guess.” Giselle plopped in her seat and began sawing the crusty bread into pieces. Still, someone must have toasted it, for it was warm.

Hi everyone! Long time lurker but I'm really pumped to finally (8 years in the making) present a query letter for feedback. I'm open to all criticism, just trying to get this in best possible shape before sending it out anywhere. Dear \[agent’s name or publishing company\], *The City of Murals* is a 90,000-word magical realism boxing story that takes place in the underdog city of Philadelphia. In gritty, mural-cluttered streets of Fishtown, Philly, think *Rocky* with a strong dose of *Everything Everywhere All At Once.* This is a raw and uplifting story for anyone who’s fought unseen battles with their mind and kept swinging, even when victory seemed out of reach. Terrance Medici is a bipolar, paranoid schizophrenic with a lightning-quick jab but little else. His father? Dead. Mom? Disappeared into addiction. Now in his thirties, he’s overmedicated, constantly on the hunt for a therapist that can help him, aimless with an unsteady gait to boot, and living under the scornful eye of his younger sister in her Fishtown townhome. Haunted by hallucinations, the murals of Philly speak to him (literally), sometimes offering wisdom, other times sending him running scared. When one of the murals indirectly leads him to Aura “The Wiz” Wisda, a former local legend in women’s boxing, she reluctantly agrees to train him, knowing that Terrance might be a few steps over eccentric. Even as Terrance commits to the grueling grind of boxing, Aura has reservations that he could be even achieve mild success in the sport. But what begins as a frenzied attempt at his self-worth becomes an all-out underdog journey toward the ring. Along the way, Terrance finds allies in real murals scattered around the Philly including Frank Zappa, John Coltrane, and Emmanuel “The Drunken Master” Augustus. In fact, when he’s not training with Aura, he believes he’s training with Augustus, adopting his erratic, drunken style, as unpredictable as Terrance’s mind. While the city around him comes alive, Terrance must confront not only his final opponent in the ring, but his own grief and fractured identity. I’d also like to add—this story was written as a love letter to Philadelphia, one of the most surreal places on Earth. Anyone loves this weird city as much as myself *will* connect with this book. With surreal humor, kinetic fight scenes, and emotional grit, *The City of Murals* explores what it means to be repeatedly knocked down in life and still stand up to continue swinging. It will resonate with fans of Haruki Murakami’s entrancing yet offbeat *Kafka on the Shore*, the gritty realism of Norman Mailer’s *The Fight*, and the redemptive pull of Matt Haig’s *The Midnight Library*. I’m a high school literature teacher who has lived in Philadelphia and worked in Camden, NJ for the past twelve years. This novel is personal, not just for me, but also for the students I serve. I want to prove to them that, with passion and persistence, even the hardest fights can be won. Thank you for consideration. Amid the summer blockbuster rush, I humbly ask you to consider a story with heart, grit, and hit potential—*The City of Murals*. I’d be thrilled to share my manuscript with you upon request. Warmly, \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, MA.Ed in Secondary English Education

I am seeking representation for STAKE IN THE GAME, a 95,000-word contemporary romance that combines the strategic gameplay of The Traitors with the second-chance showbiz romance of Ava Wilder's Will They or Won't They. Colette Kennedy-DeSilva built her career as reality TV's sweetheart, but after fifteen years of performing happiness, she's broke and desperate. When Bloodlines—a vampire-themed competition show—offers her enough money to save her failing Cape Cod bookstore, she accepts, even knowing her casting comes with a catch: Brody Sullivan will be there, too. Brody is a charming bartender from Boston who has broken Colette's heart twice: first by kissing her best friend on camera, then by eliminating her from another show when she needed the prize money most. Now they're trapped together in a Transylvanian castle, playing a deadly game of deception where villagers must identify hidden vampires before being voted out themselves. But Brody has a secret: he's been assigned the role of vampire. When the game forces them into close quarters, fifteen years of unresolved feelings come rushing back. But can Colette trust her heart after being burned twice before? And can Brody find a way to protect the woman he loves while playing a role designed to destroy her? Set against the backdrop of reality TV's manufactured drama, STAKE IN THE GAME explores the cost of performing authenticity while searching for something real, where the difference between playing a role and being yourself could mean the difference between love and heartbreak.

All right. It's time for my anxious self to confront some really hard things. **First**: My query letter is **crap.** This sudden realization is what finally prompted me to post here. **Second**: A lot harder to admit, but. I have no goddamn clue what age group my book should be targeted towards. I have just been submitting as general "Fantasy." This reason being... my book is incredibly niche. In the most **tl;dr**... it's a Redwall-style fantasy. I got squirrels who live in castles and go on adventures and there's an evil wizard ferret. Also, I genuinely never considered a specific age range when writing. I never thought "Oh, yeah, kids aged 9-13 will enjoy this," or "Some cottagecore nerds 15-21 will certainly love this," y'all, I barely thought of an audience at all, I just WROTE IT! 😭 I was nonetheless convinced to seek representation because: * One of my absolute favorite series in this niche was fully reprinted very recently after having been out of print for like 10+ years. I'll namedrop the hell out of it: it's the Mistmantle Chronicles by M.I. McAllister, a cozy af reads. * Magic: The Gathering released Bloomburrow, a massive set that is entirely fantasy forest critters, so, clearly, the genre is attractive to modern audiences! I mean idk how popular the set *actually* is with the MTG crowd, but enough this was made and exists! * Netflix is developing a Redwall series, and one whose development was \*not\* dropped when they diminished their animation studio. * My pitches were exceptionally well-received by people with pub experience at a local writers convention. Not a single person had a negative critique against the concept. That was a good day. (Annnd I'm sure the crucible of the anonymous internet will LOVE to change that right now lol) So. I wrote my query letter. I scoured for examples of successful ones to study from, did a few drafts, but because I'm not the most sociable person with the highest self-esteem ready to face the gauntlet of public criticism, I didn't find **anyone** to review this damn thing and I've since blindly submitted it 20 times with my first batch of queries. I've only received 1 rejection so far (from a submission I made a month ago; I JUST went on this huge query spree this weekend) and it was like 99% a standard FR with one changed line that said my book didn't "fit with their current list." Which I decided to take as a positive since *every* single other FR I saw from this agent in the last year+ instead said they either "didn't connect with the writing" or "think it was marketable." They had the opportunity to tell me they didn't think it was marketable or the writing subpar, and didn't! Yay! Question mark? But after browsing this sub for a bit after seeing it named on QT, I realized the colossal mistake I have made. Everything about this feels insanely wrong (and a smidge very too damn long). Please help lol. God that was a lot of backstory I hope it was okay to include just so everyone knows where I'm coming from I guess? So, *anyways*, here's my query letter: Dear \[AGENT\], I am \[NAME\], a writer and aspiring author from \[LOCATION\]. While I won a few awards in my teens and have been published sporadically in fan zines, writing has otherwise been a personal hobby up until this point. As my first full-length writing endeavor, I am seeking representation for my fantasy novel, **KINGDOM LEGACIES**, which is complete at 90,000 words. It functions perfectly as a stand-alone story, but with ample options for a developed series. Inspired by the books that comforted me, it has the spirit of ***Redwall*** *by Brian Jacques* with the adventure of ***His Dark Materials*** *by Philip Pullman*, but with a unique story entirely its own. After reviewing the range of genres you represent, and with themes of self-discovery, moral reflection, and friendship, I believe **KINGDOM LEGACIES** is something you would enjoy and is worthy of your representation. In a world divided into kingdoms inhabited by squirrels, rabbits, badgers, ferrets, and other creatures, the squirrel kingdom of Mossengale is sent reeling after the presumed kidnapping of their only heir to the throne, Prince Briar. Amid international rumors about whom could be responsible, a squirrel mercenary named Thorn from the suspect kingdom of Lichenvell is drawn to seek answers. And to claim that high bounty for the prince’s safe return that will not only set him up for life as a renown hero, but put his tumultuous past behind him. But while Thorn is able to track down Prince Briar with surprising ease, he learns the kidnapping is a farce. Briar ran away of his own volition, as Mossengale’s royal family are guided by an ancient magical scroll that foretells the lives of all heirs. Their reigns are prophesied by the scroll, but never in all their lineage has there been a prophecy like that of Briar’s: on the first full moon after Prince Briar is crowned king, he will be assassinated, and the kingdom will be “reborn anew.” Made stubborn by tradition and that the scroll has never been wrong, the kingdom’s governing parliament of eight animals known as the Royal Court are unmoved by the prince’s harrowing fate. Not even the sickly King Cambium, Briar’s own father, has a solution. Prince Briar will be sacrificed for the vague promise that everything will be fine. Equally stubborn in his own right, and helped by his half-sister and illegitimate royal heir, Iris, Briar seeks to change his fate by following clues to the existence of a powerful deity that can break curses and change prophecies: the Ruby Owl. What is more troubling still is that Briar did not hide that he had run away, and by reporting a kidnapping thus causing international turmoil, it means the Royal Court is lying to the world. It means that someone within the Court wants Briar’s prophecy to succeed, no matter the cost. Thorn is swayed by the mounting intrigue and agrees to help him, even as his mysterious past unknowingly follows close behind. Split between the perspectives of Briar’s and Thorn’s journey to the Ruby Owl, and Iris’s investigation into the secret corruption of the Royal Court, I hope **KINGDOM LEGACIES** might inspire you to represent it the way I was inspired to write it, but I nevertheless thank you for taking your time to read this query. \- \[NAME\]

Hi everyone! This is my first post here as far as I recall. I've been working on my novel for about 1.5 years so now I'm preparing to query. I am a bit skeptical about including anything from Stephen King in my comp books, but it really is similar in tone and genre from what I know. Thank you so much in advance for your time and help! Dear Mr. Agent, Aldwin Hale was left to die in the desert. Scarred, disfigured, and orphaned, he was taken by the nomadic Sarath’ul tribe, whose chieftain believes him to be the Sha’uun—a guide destined to take them to the mythical Oasis. But as Aldwin grows, he realizes he is no savior. Then the dreams begin. A voice whispers doubts he already fears: *They know you’re a fraud… Let go of the lie, Aldwin.* Terrified of what he might become, Aldwin abandons the tribe. With neither food, nor water, the desert swallows him in a sand storm. Something else is there. It calls itself the Miracle. Trapped for centuries in a prison known as The Dream, the Miracle promises Aldwin relief, power, and purpose. It guides him to the city of Nur’adûn. There it performs wonders through him: darkening the sun, summoning rain, and even raising the dead. The city begins to welcome him as a messiah. But each miracle feels wrong. And what returns from the grave is not what it was. By the time Aldwin realizes the truth, the Miracle has grown too strong. His body is no longer his own. His mind is banished into The Dream. As the surface descends into darkness, Aldwin must battle the Miracle from within—or lose himself and, and the world, to the false salvation he helped unleash. The Dark Kingdom is a complete 85,000 word adult fantasy novel with horror elements, set in the deserts of Aldûn. It blends psychological struggle with grounded worldbuilding and will appeal to fans of *Stephen King’s The Dark Tower* and *Alec Hutson’s The Crimson Queen*. While it stands alone, the book has series potential as a small band of heroes sets out to hunt the Miracle after it finds a new host. I have a background in computer science at *blank* and have previously self-published a historical fiction novel. The Dark Kingdom results from years of worldbuilding and storytelling, beginning all the way back in my childhood sketchbooks. I’m querying you because of your interest in... (1-2 sentences about specific agent) Thank you for your consideration.

Okay, "Here we are; we're back again". Honestly, I had to do some soul searching, but I am SO thankful to the responses I received on my first attempt. It pointed me in a better direction. Here is my second attempt (what a euphemism). Dear \[Agent\]: I am thrilled to submit my 100,000-word novel, Disseverer, for your consideration. It's an Adult dark dystopian fantasy where magic is linked to suppressed trauma, coping mechanisms that sour under pressure, and the descent into the monster within. It will appeal to fans of Rachel Gillig's One Dark Window and Hannah Whitten's The Foxglove King, blending dark romantic tension, grief-forged magic, and a gothic atmosphere where power comes at a terrible cost. \[Personalization\] Donovan, a nineteen-year-old blacksmith, would rather risk her neck arming the Resistance than face the power the virus bestowed—and the grief it’s yoked to. But when a mysterious soldier abducts her from her forge, the cage she finds herself in isn’t fortified by steel or stone; it’s built of conspiracies and lies.  Lawton is cold, ruthless, and carrying impossible secrets. A truth that shouldn’t exist for someone born under the King’s protection and housed within the safety of the mountain’s walls. Lawton’s orders are clear: apprehend the blacksmith and bring her in alive. But when Lawton disobeys, a complex huntsman who spares his prey, the captor becomes the captive.  Donovan and Lawton, through a reluctant alliance, attempt to outrun the regime now hunting them both, and uncover truths that unravel their world and identities. The Resistance is dead, what was left of Donovan’s home eradicated, and the scourge the king is hellbent on annihilating is magic selecting its wielders.  But all truth comes at a cost—Donovan’s magic manifests: to see what no one should, Death. Or, at least the spaces between veils where *it* breathes, waiting. *Some gift.* To fight for a new world, a future, she’ll have to not only become the greatest threat to the King, but also to herself. To win, she must make a choice, a severance, that could condemn them all. That is, if her grief doesn’t bury her first. \[Bio\] Warmly, Name

Hey everyone, long-term-lurker, first time poster here. I've been writing novels (speculative, horror, light sci-fi, dark fantasy) for a long time now, and have a lot of finished, unpublished works under my belt. I've gone through the rigamarole of re-writing most of them several times, and have worked with editors and beta readers online over the years to get as much feedback as possible, but no amount of querying has ever resulted in any real interest from an agent on ANY of my projects. I suspect I've always been terrible at selling my own material in a succinct and intriguing manner. Over the winter, I picked my 'best' novel and gave it a full rework -- honing in on the key horror elements and focusing on the voice more than anything. I came out with a book that I really love and am proud of, and received good feedback thereafter. But I've been in the querying trenches for this novel for a few months now, and have gotten 0 partial or full manuscript requests. A lot of my dream agents actually shot it down even quicker than previous queries I've sent them in years past, which was really crushing. I know this could be for a thousand reasons outside of my control, but of course I'm stuck in my head now, convinced I've only become a worse writer over the last ten to fifteen years. I did receive a few personalized rejections, which helped to some extent. All of them loved the concept, and the ones who asked for a synopsis said they really liked where the story ultimately goes. Some were intrigued by the writing, others said they didn't quite connect with the voice. But overall, they all agreed that there's *something* about it that made them feel like they weren't the best agent to champion the work. Which I very much understand and appreciate -- it could be something in the market, or maybe I'm just not presenting the work with enough panache -- but it's making me wonder *what* exactly is turning agents off, even when they send a personalized rejection. I would love any feedback that could help me get my head on straight and address the issues in the query or sample work. The harsher, the better, I say! I've been an avid reader of this community and have always appreciated its feedback to other writers, agents, and editors for a long while now. Thank you all for keeping the creative spirit of writing alive! Any and all discussion on my work would be so incredibly appreciated. Cheers! --- To [agent] at [agency], *Alone in a Sea of Rapture* is a high-concept, psychological horror novel with elements of a speculative thriller, complete at 100,000 words. It's a Cronenbergian fusion of *The City & The City* and *Tender is the Flesh*, told from the unreliable, first-person perspective of a queer private detective plagued by the distorted memories of their late mother. With nothing to their name but a grief-stricken soul, they're left to wander the streets of a surreptitious, sovereign city, hoping to solve one last case for the sake of absolution -- even at the cost of their own sanity. It appeals to readers of atmospheric horror with dashes of social commentary like B.R. Yeager's *Negative Space*, as well as book club speculative fiction that explores the intersection between grief and identity, like *Our Wives Under the Sea* by Julia Armfield or* This Thing Between Us* by Gus Moreno. [Personalization here.] Non-binary private detective Boges (they/them) teeters between madness and salvation. Within the walls of Habbous -- a secluded and corporate-owned metropolis -- they're desperate for a sense of self-worth. They're facing eviction, a missing persons case with no leads, and worst of all, their judgmental mother, who haunts them from beyond the grave. Boges is addicted to a hallucinogen that activates a glimpse of their fluctuating afterlife, stored within a cranial gland. The more Boges takes, the more time they spend in perdition, always arguing with the mutated memory of their disappointed mother until she shapeshifts into a bloodthirsty beast. Pressure in Boges' mind mounts as more citizens (fellow addicts) choose the 'rapture', leaving Boges isolated and fearful that they'll soon be condemned to an afterlife full of guilt and self-loathing. Boges' only path towards a better afterlife and self-acceptance is to crack open a new case and solve it independently, proving themselves worthy to their own subconscious -- and by extension, the mother they remember. But doing so will incur the wrath of all the aristocrats that operate in the shadows, as well as the police syndicate, who solely serve the whims of the elite. Will the providential discovery of a dead body downtown turn out to be Boges' key to freedom, or will it unearth dark revelations about Habbous that threaten to obliterate their body, mind, and soul completely? I'm a queer and non-binary author residing in Chicago, Illinois. *Alone in a Sea of Rapture* is just one of a dozen genre-bending novels (think A24 'elevated' horror films) that I’ve completed over the last decade. [List of short story competitions and where I graduated from college here.] Thank you for your consideration. Please let me know if I could send you the full manuscript! --- **First 300:** The dead mother that sits before me now is not the same dead mother as last time. Years ago, she would appear to me as a harpy – eviscerating my insides, pulling me apart with her sharp talons, and even sharper tongue. Eventually, she evolved into a minotaur and would incessantly gore me upon her horns of disdain. The more we spoke, the more she changed. A chimera, then a golem, then a spurious witch… Nowadays, with just a glint of mercy, she comes to me as I remember her. Human, if only just. Despondent, but waiting to strike from the depths like a patient kraken. Progress, in any case. For months now, we’ve been sitting in the same coffee shop at the same time of day, sipping on the same cup of tea. Her voice agitates me, antagonizing and irritating. Above, I may still be alive, but I am impatient. Endlessly unsettled by her very presence here, and her insistence on being my forever-torturer. "Eat something, won't you?" Her famous calling card rings out in its usual cadence. Even now, deep beneath the surface, that icy chill in her voice follows me. It echoes like a siren’s song, reverberating between my ears until it consumes my every thought. “Eat something.” Her waxed legs are crossed in her favorite pink dress. That crinkled, surgically enhanced nose bifurcates her porcelain face with those perfectly symmetrical, laser-corrected green eyes. Her patently false white teeth are so pristine that they appear ceramic in the directionless sunlight. Her goldenrod-dyed hair is only a shade lighter than the cream-colored shutters of the coffee shop, mimicking the French architecture of places I've never been. Horror in the perfection of it all. The liminal vastness of eternity leaves me feeling hollow. My mother, on the other hand, remains unbothered.

Hello, again! I've revised my initial query letter and would like input as to whether or not I'm heading in the right direction (maybe even a final draft lol). Thanks to those that provided advice! It's so helpful to see what I've written from the perspective of those that don't yet know the story so I can streamline my letter better. I'd also like to include that, as per input from my initial post, my comps are currently acting as placeholders (sigh) until I find books that are more recent and show my manuscript's marketability. I still may use one or the other in my final version, but something tells me both are too widely known to be used alongside one another (plus Aveyard's decade old publication of course). If the premise sounds familiar, book recommendations are LARGELY encouraged so I can expand my scope and choose other titles (would be really helpful now since I basically have to scrap them). Again, all advice is welcome! \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ Dear AGENT,  I’m seeking representation for UNEARTHED, a YA novel (complete at 115,000 words) with series potential. It blends the forged family aspect of Sabaa Tahir’s *Heir* with the high-stakes environment and complex moral character of Victoria Aveyard’s *Red Queen* series. Eighteen-year-old Sorila Wall has spent the last five years doing two things: thieving and keeping thoughts of her involvement in her parents’ deaths at bay. But when her colleague is captured on a joint job and sentenced to the Stroll, a bimonthly parade of criminals ending in their executions, the guilt that already plagues her threatens to add another ghost to the mix. When an encounter with a descendant of once thought to be mythical warriors reveals the stirring of her own heroic ancestry, she wagers to seek the death of a reemerging tyrant alongside them in exchange for aid in rescuing her friend. As she races against the clock to fulfill the weighty tasks she’s taken on, Sorila must place her faith in the gifted Chosen and the blood that demands her compliance. Eras Hunte is heir to the throne and has known longer than most that a ruinous agent approaches. The successor of the anarchist that waged war on his people a century ago has come to utilize the Hunte line’s aid once more in ensuring the joint path to conquest their ancestors laid. But a developing truth threatens the dawning order—the world's saviors have risen again. Forced to choose between the treacherous path his predecessors have laid or the untraversed territory of rebellion, Eras will have to decide whether or not the bonds of family are strong enough to wrestle the guilt that his loyalty may cost the world as he knows it its survival. Their decisions will command their courses, but knowing their choices can save or damn and betrayal revolving in their midsts may break them long before the true battle has begun.   I’m a native \[insert place\] currently in school for my bachelor’s in \[insert major\] at \[insert university\], but when I’m not in class, I love to dive into a book, write or bake something new! Thank you for your time and consideration! I hope to be in touch soon. Best, \[insert name\]

I have incorporated all the feedback from my post last week and feel much better about the way the pitch is presented now. I do worry it might be a little on the long side, but not sure how big of a deal that is, or if it even is too long. Thank you again for all of your actionable and honest feedback! Dear , Kelek is a wistful idealist that always fantasized about going on the kind of grand adventures he would read about at home. After he awakens to his latent magical power by healing a snake bite, he decides it's time to chase his dream and join the famous Brandt Adventurer's Guild. Though only possessing a meager talent for healing, his ability to use magic is proof that he is a Harnesser, one of the rare talents capable of using the Ether that exists all throughout the world of Panpatriam to weave reality bending magic. The world beyond Kelek’s village is far from his idealized fantasies. Murderous bandits and grotesque monsters are now tangible threats, and he must reconcile the weight of ending life to save others. All the while, Bayin, venerated Harnesser and leader of the local Guild Branch, wishes to exploit the work of its members to revive an ancient race of magic-wielding demigods, the Ymir. The Ymir used to rule the land with impossibly potent magic. They are thought to be responsible for the Ether that pervades every inch of Panpatriam, but mysteriously vanished countless years ago. Panpatriam is now on the brink of industrial revolution, led by a king who eschews magic in favor of uniting the common man, but Bayin and his cabal of powerful Harnessers aim to resurrect the godlike Ymir and overthrow the rule of law in favor of a world run by those blessed to be Harnessers. After an encounter with a heavily magic infused Etherbeast, Kelek discovers his unique ability to absorb Ether from other beings, the very ability Bayin theorizes led to the reign of the Ymir and the primary source of their unfathomable power. Now Kelek and his new companions find themselves unwittingly embroiled in Bayin’s plot. With every source of Ether Kelek drains he grows stronger, an intoxicating thrill that he longed for all his life. But now the world stands at a crossroads, embracing the innovation of technology and the common man, or clinging to the rare few powerful enough to bend the very laws of reality with esoteric magic. Kelek may be the only one capable of stopping the Ymir from reclaiming their dynasty, but his own desire for power may prove far more dangerous. At 110,000 words, Reclamation is an Adult Fantasy comparable to titles such as A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen and Ascendant by Michael R. Miller. Further entries in the series are already underway chronicling Kelek and his companions struggle against the Ymir as they return to power. As requested, (requested samples) are attached. Thank you for your consideration.

Hi everyone, hoping for a bit of guidance on something that feels a little outside the norm. My best friend’s wife’s sister is a top agent at a major agency. One of the big ones (I won’t name which for privacy reasons). I actually met her once, many years ago, but she almost certainly wouldn’t remember me. Now that I’m wrapping up my first novel and preparing to query, I felt it would be foolish not to at least explore whether this connection could help in any way. As we all know, querying can feel like a 1-in-100 shot. I recently asked my friend if he’d feel comfortable saying something to her directly or putting in a word. He said he didn’t want to reach out personally, but told me I should go ahead and query her and mention both his name and his wife’s name in the subject line of the email. That struck me as… a little cringe? He is not a writer or in the industry at all so maybe that’s why he suggested it . I’ve never heard of including names in the subject line unless specifically instructed by the agent. But I also don’t want to ignore the only real “in” I might have. So I’m wondering: – Is it wise to mention those names in the subject line at all? – Should I include a short sentence in the query body instead? – Or should I skip it entirely and treat this as a regular cold query? Appreciate any insights from folks who’ve navigated something similar or have thoughts on best practices. Thanks in advance!

Hey! I'm on third draft edits for my novel, so I'm hoping to start improving my query letter beyond what I can do myself. Appreciate any and all feedback! GHOST HOST is an adult mystery complete at 52,000 words. It will appeal to readers who loved the twists of *How To Solve Your Own Murder* by Kristen Perrin mixed with the small town energy of *Arsenic and Adobo* by Mia P. Manansala. \*personalization\* When Raquel agreed to be an au pair to three kids in Spain, she expected to ask “whodunit” about broken toys, not the disappearance of the kids’ father. Financially stuck and deeply sympathetic due to her own mother’s sudden death, Raquel decides to start investigating with the help of Adrian, the children’s cousin.  Everything only gets worse when Raquel discovers cremated ashes in the family’s driveway. It is now a million times more difficult to figure out when and where Francisco was murdered, let alone who did it. As Raquel continues to investigate, she starts to suspect that everyone in this town is hiding something from her…and one of them will do anything to stop her from finding out their secrets. Ever since I discovered that there are books in prison, I have been fantasizing about murder a little too much, resulting in the novel you see before you. I’m inspired by my adventures as a solo traveler, particularly the months I spent as an au pair. When I’m not getting lost in a foreign country, \[retracted personal info\]. This would be my debut novel.

Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at a query letter but I've done a lot of research because I'm trying to get this right. I really appreciate your time! Amy Wood feels very alone with her problems. As a single mom and owner of a financially strapped business, she’s barely hanging on. Now, her beautiful Victorian inn is in trouble. After years of deferred maintenance, it has a major roof leak. In the urgency of the moment, Amy hires Jack, whom she meets in a bakery, to patch the roof for a low price.   Jack - construction worker, outdoorsman, science-lover, wanderer – is living in his truck while looking for the next gig. He needs money to send his best friend, Ramona, who struggles to pay bills since her daughter was born with a serious medical condition. Jack’s bid is so low that Amy gives him a room at the inn to compensate. The building needs a lot of work, but he can do it all. Soon, Jack is painting, rewiring, and even manning the front desk.   When the inn fills up, Jack checks out for a paying guest, so Amy provides him with a room in her cottage. Now she’s living with a man she finds increasingly attractive, and he’s becoming a friend. As someone who has learned to distrust her instincts about men, Amy is uncomfortable with her feelings for Jack.  Jack’s feelings for Amy come more easily. It starts as a crush and quickly grows. He loves her resilience, determination, perseverance... also, her little family, the town, and life around the inn. Amy and Jack start a relationship and agree to keep it quiet until he can move permanently to the area. Once together, life is better for both. Amy has intimacy and companionship, while sweet, nomadic Jack feels like he’s finally come home. Everything is falling into place until a traumatic part of Jack’s history and his complicated relationship with Ramona get in the way.   For readers of cozy romances, HERE TO STAY (99,000 words) is a dual POV book with small town charm. It will appeal to fans of Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan and Pumpkin Spice Café by Laurie Gilmore. This debut work was written by two authors: \[name\] (she/her/hers) and \[name\] (she/her/hers). We live in \[state\] and spend our time caring for our awesome kids. We’re also married to each other.  Thanks for your consideration! You can reach us at \[contact\]

Thanks for helpful comments on my first. 43-year-old Jonathan Spurling never intended to become a Colonel Sanders impersonator and serviceable balloon sculptor to bratty children; nor did he ever think he’d be blackballed from his favorite birding sanctuary. Even worse–Jonathan can’t seem to get over this–the bird manuscript he spent fifteen years of his life writing was purloined by his once childhood friend Patrick McKinley and published to great acclaim. But when he learns about a $50,000 award offered for verifiable proof of the existence of an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker–captured on drone footage in a bayou in Arkansas–Jonathan finally has his chance to secure birding glory and some much needed moolah. To pay for his trip, Jonathan maxes out his credit cards, alienates his girlfriend who agrees to watch his guinea pigs, and recruits his Hibernophile and homeless cousin Kieran to help. But the competition to find the bird is steep. Jonathan must deal with McKinley, who, with a well-funded team of ornithologists, always seems ten steps ahead of him. The bayou is a hostile environment teeming with sweltering humidity and venomous snakes. A near-crippling flare-up of gout, and his increasingly irascible and unstable cousin will not stop Jonathan from his resolve. When he finds out the woodpecker has been kidnapped, he believes he knows the culprit, and he sets out to rescue the rarest bird in the United States. PISH, PISH (55,000 words) is an upmarket novel told from Jonathan’s point of view. It will appeal to readers of Kristen Arnett’s STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE and Elizabeth McKenzie’s THE DOG OF THE NORTH. (Short bio)

Very grateful for the support this community provides! Posting my third attempt (second [attempt ](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m4fq69/qcrit_adult_fantasy_the_edge_of_memory/)here) to see if any of the excellent advice has made its way into my query. Thank you! Dear \[Agent\], *She was born to heal the plague, but staying alive might mean unleashing it.* I am seeking representation for my 105,000-word adult fantasy novel, THE EDGE OF MEMORY. Set in a plague-ravaged world where memory holds a terrible cost, it will resonate with fans of N.K. Jemisin’s *Broken Earth Trilogy* and Mark Lawrence’s *Library Trilogy*, blending epic scope with themes of memory, sacrifice, and transformation. Rova’s blood can cure the afflicted before they disintegrate into dust. Some see her as a miracle. Others seek to harvest her until nothing remains. Years ago, Rova lost her father to the plague, never knowing then that she carried the power to save him. Haunted by this loss, she is consumed by the need to heal, holding onto the hope that if she saves enough lives, the pestilence might one day end. Rova survives only because of her sister, Zori, who can kill from afar by unleashing the plague, even though every act erases another piece of her memory. When Zori reveals that Rova carries the same destructive potential, but that using it would cost her the ability to heal, Rova cannot accept it. The idea of losing her gift is unthinkable. After Zori dies saving her, Rova is left alone, struggling with grief and with the danger that lies dormant in her veins. Hunted by a king who seeks to harness her deadly potential for war, she flees with a disillusioned soldier toward a fabled sanctuary, hoping to reclaim her purpose and continue healing. However, the sanctuary holds a secret far worse than the plague. As fates converge, Rova must choose between preserving life and unleashing ruin, and decide how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice to save what remains of her world. Told from three points of view, THE EDGE OF MEMORY is a standalone epic fantasy with series potential. \[bio/sign-off\]

Back for another round. I want to thank everyone for helping me along the way. I wouldn't have so much insight without you guys. - Dear (Agent) THE BLOODY MAVEN is a Speculative Fiction / Urban Fantasy complete at 120,000 words, written for fans of CONSECRATED GROUND by Virginia Black and WHITE TRASH WARLOCK by David R. Slayton. Helen is a Bloodsmith who heals others, despite the wishes of her monster of a mother. The same mother who rules the Bloodsmiths, the same mother who would tear off her arms so she'd learn to regrow them, and then tear them off again when they didn't grow fast enough. Bloodsmiths are warriors now, leave that job to the other Smithing Houses, she would say. They keep the peace and hold the line against the monsters beyond the borders. Bloodsmiths no longer heal, except for a continually decreasing few, including Helen. In the city of Decus, there lies Helen's medical clinic, open to anyone. She lives a simple, unassuming life, forgotten in a little corner of the city. Helen thought she escaped her previous life, and her association with her mother, that is until a rogue Bloodsmith breaks into her clinic and nearly kills her. Her mother rejected his radical ideas long ago, and cast him out of the Bloodsmiths when he dared to protest. Now he wants justice, and it all starts with Helen's corpse. She's only alive due to the timely intervention of Roach, a freelance Maven with violent scars littering their body and the manners of a corpse. They're everything Helen hates. Bloodthirsty, blunt, and with no appreciation for polite society. Just like the rogue Bloodsmith, just like her mother. The only difference is that Roach seems to be on her side, at suspiciously no cost no less, and Helen can't afford to turn them away. To ensure her safety, the Roach follows her, lives with her, and fights with her. Their insistence for her to fight back, to use her abilities to hurt, cause friction between them. It's not until Roach's childhood home gets attacked by the rogue Bloodsmith's biological golems that Helen puts her feelings aside and helps defend their home, using her abilities to protect instead of just for needless violence. The rogue Bloodsmith and his allies are readying for something big, stealing biomass wherever they can. Abandoned animals, food factories, and farms. It all leads back to Helen. He needs her for his plan to work, or more specifically, he needs her DNA. With the proper authorities gone and occupied with events far more pressing, Helen and her allies are the only ones standing in the way of the rogue Bloodsmith. If she wants to survive, she can't just be a healer, she needs to be a warrior. Just like mother always wanted. (Bio) Thank you for the consideration. The requested material is below.

Hello! Thanks so much for all the patience and helpful advice! Hopefully this attempt is an improvement. \[Apologies for not getting the italics to work on comp titles this time. I tried to start from a different program and my screen-reader couldn’t handle it.\] Dear Agent, \[Personalization\] BRIGHTER is a 100,000-word, speculative, upmarket suspense novel based on my experiences as a blind person who’s entered medical trials. It combines the creeping unease of The Centre, by Ayesha Manazir Siddiqi, and Lakewood, by Megan Giddings with the near-future medical intrigue of Tell Me an Ending, by Jo Harkin. Light and color are Wre Tycho’s favorite anti-depressants, but her eyesight has been slowly dying since her childhood. She struggles through tasks like grocery shopping while her new-adult friends set off on solo treks and mountain-bike races. Her fear of a dark future threatens a relapse of the  eating disorders that claimed her teens. Then, the Vistech corporation’s cure for blindness hits markets. Unfortunately, the primary side effect, weight loss, could cause Wren to relapse as much as blindness could. When her Vistech invitation arrives for free in-patient trials, Wren can’t turn it down, but decides to mitigate the risks to her body by eating as much as possible ahead of time. As she crosses the world to Vistech’s headquarters, rumors fly about Vistech’s ulterior research motives, and strangers contact her with warnings. Steeped in the stress of navigating through a sighted world, she decides that any creepiness at Vistech is worth risking in return for the safety and freedom she can gain from sight. But at the clinic, her eating efforts have failed. She’s the only patient stuck trying to meet Vistech’s new weight requirement by the deadline for the trials, while the others are already gaining vision.  As her weight stagnates day after day, and more warnings issue from an ancient radio planted in her clinic bedroom, Wren’s anxiety rises. Her deteriorating visual cortex triggers hallucinations (Charles Bonnet Syndrome), and even the AI’s in the computers she uses to research the radio’s cryptic messages are hallucinating. With clues both real and imagined, she determines that her stagnated weight means Vistech’s enemies have hacked the digital scales to alter her results in an effort to protect her from Vistech. But the sabotage is not in the scales; it’s in Wren’s own cells. She must uncover and confront her true betrayer, or she’ll lose her sight as well as her tenuous grip on reality.

I have a book I want to try to get edited and published. I have never done anything like this before. So I have some (probably mostly dumb) questions about the process and was wondering if any of you fine folks may be able to help answer them? Even if you only have an answer for 1 of them, it would help me a lot 😅 1. Do I reach out to EDITORS first or PUBLISHERS first (if I want my book to undergo editing before publication)? 2. In terms of out of pocket cash from the author personally, what is the cost to the author to get published (assuming my book is even good enough for publication). And what portion of that cost must be spent BEFORE you learn if you're book is even publishable in the first place? 3. I don't intend to make a lot of money off this (though of course it would be nice), but it's is very important to me to "retain" film/movie rights over the story. Is that feasible or is it standard in traditional publishing for the author to wave those rights? 4. Are there typically any confidentiality protections for authors who submit books for review? I would hate to send in my materials, get rejected, and then have someone I sent it to 'steal' the story if there are no mechanisms to prevent that.

Hello all, this is my 6th and hopefully final attempt 🤞 once again thank you all for the comments and let me know what you think! Dear Agent, Detective Morgan Burke can make corpses talk, but his coworkers won't even look him in the eye. When a string of brutal leaves police baffled, Morgan is given his first solo case–not because of his skill, but because his sister pulled strings to get him there. It's his shot at legitimacy in a precinct that barely tolerates him. Meanwhile, Marie Vélez keeps her overwhelming magical abilities tightly controlled, haunted by the last time she lost restraint and someone died. But when the killer targets her best friend, Marie's done watching from the sidelines. Even if using her power means reliving the past she swore to forget. When the killer targets people close to both of them, Morgan and Marie discover these aren’t random murders—someone is systematically harvesting magical abilities for a shadowy figure named Lennox, a man determined to make himself unstoppable. As more bodies pile up, Morgan must risk the dark magic that threatens to consume his humanity with every use, while Marie faces unleashing the very power she’s spent years suppressing. But their growing partnership is becoming something deeper, and as Lennox builds his arsenal of stolen abilities to control the city, Morgan and Marie will have to trust each other completely—because the only thing more dangerous than their enemies might be the powers they’re afraid to embrace. URBAN WITCH is an 82,000-word urban fantasy standalone with series potential. It will appeal to readers who loved the dark magical investigations of Ben Aaronovitch’s Rivers of London series, the morally complex characters of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files, and the atmospheric noir-fantasy blend of Kat Richardson’s Greywalker novels. First 300 Even the magical wards the government had set up in the city couldn't block out the whispers of the dead. The detective leaned against the back alley brick wall. Voices, low and insistent, gnawed at the edges of his thoughts, pleading with him to bring them back to life. To set them free. “No! Stop!” A shriek sliced through his thoughts, pulling Detective Morgan Burke into focus. He rushed toward the sound just as a man rounded the corner and slammed into him, knocking him off balance. As he regained his footing a flash of blue zipped past him, close on the heels of the fleeing man. Morgan looked around the corner to see an older woman clutching her arm. “That man stole my purse!” she cried out. A small crowd had gathered around her, their murmurs a mix of sympathy and unease, trying to comfort her despite her tears. “My rent check is in there. Please, God, no!” Without a second thought, Morgan turned and bolted after the duo. He drew his wand, a slender silver rod, and aimed it at the ground ahead of him. “Track,” he commanded. The magic responded instantly, leaving glowing yellow footprints in its wake—one large set, clearly a man’s, and a smaller pair of blue, likely the woman. He followed them into a narrow alleyway. “Don’t make me hurt you. Just give me the bag,” a woman called out. Standing a few feet away was a woman with long blue hair. She stood in front of a scruffy, skinny man with her wand pointed at him. Her face was unbothered, as though this was just another thing to get over and done with. The man sneered at her with broken yellow teeth, a clearly negative response.

Hi folks, long-time lurker looking for some feedback since this is my first kick at querying anything I've written. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thanks! QUERY Dear [AGENT], I am seeking representation for my historical adventure novel, THE SPRING TIDE (complete at 110,000 words). Inspired by the enigmatic “Olave” found in Symeon of Durham’s 12th-century chronicle of the Norman Conquest, and by Queen Margaret of Scotland’s campaign against the slave trade, *The Spring Tide* blends the historical grit and hardscrabble quest for agency of Elodie Harper’s *The Wolf Den* with the morally complex intrigue of Richard Swan’s *The Justice of Kings*. Olaf, a foundling raised by monks, is taken in by his estranged family; once proud landowners, now reduced to petty crime under Norman rule. After a failed heist, Olaf falsely confesses to murder to protect his kin. In prison, a rebel messenger draws him into an uprising led by England’s exiled heir. The rebellion is crushed, and Olaf flees to Scotland, seeking purpose in King Malcolm’s war against William the Conqueror – only to realize this campaign is little more than a brutal slave raid. Olaf sabotages the attack, but his defiance costs his grandfather’s life. Guilt-ridden, he joins Queen Margaret – not yet a saint – in her crusade to free English slaves, including those held by her own husband. At Margaret’s command, he undertakes covert missions through treacherous courts and heathen wilds, forging unlikely bonds with an enslaved prince, a cunning-man healer, and the pagan priestess Ylva. When the Conqueror marches on Scotland, and Ylva reveals a final chance to rekindle the English rebellion, Olaf must decide what matters most: vengeance, forgiveness – or a home in a world reshaped by conquest. [BIO: profession in unrelated field but have worked as a museum guide & re-enactor in the past] Please find [X pages below/attached, per submission guidelines] Thank you for your time and consideration. Kind regards, [REDACTED] FIRST 300 WORDS Eoforwic April 20 1069 Karl Hardfari had torn me from the monks at Dunholm, but their lessons remained, and one above all: a worker deserves his wages. Tonight I crossed the Roman bridge to earn my wage – and repay a debt. ‘You look chilled, Ole.’ Baldwine’s teeth caught the light of the Pleiades. ‘Best wrap your face up. The Kievans won’t quake at that snot-nose.’  My mouth was too dry to spit and my wits too slow to sting him back. I curled my lip, plucked at my hood, and did as he said. Besides, he was right. My nose was streaming from the cold. Breathing through the cloak wasn’t worth the warmth; it was damp, and the weave prickled. It made me wish that I had a beard. The old Roman bridge was half-collapsed into the river. We picked our way across its cold bones. I was in front, but Halfdan led us. Gyldas followed. Baldwine bumped into his back.  ‘Watch it,’ said Baldwine, as if it wasn’t his own fault. ‘Watch yourself.’ Gyldas’ chestnut curls, tight as wood shavings, shook as he scuffed his boot. ‘We’d be there already if we’d just taken the southern bridge.’ My sigh warmed the wool over my face. Water beaded on my cheeks. ‘The Normans can see that bridge from both their forts. If they catch us out after dark, they’ll thrash us until we hand over any loot. Since we haven’t got any loot, they’ll thrash us again and send us right back over the river.’  They’d do worse than that. I shoved down memories: of blood, of rope, of what they’d done to the cooper’s family. At Vigil each night, I prayed for the Aetheling to return and deliver us from the Normans – but they were beyond our reach. The Kievans weren’t.

Been querying for a couple of months and wondering how other people learn from the rejections. Mostly responses are 'not the right fit', 'decided to pass', 'this is subjective' and the like. Occasionally I've asked for some guidance but not got any pointers. I know agents arent there to comment on a MS, but they have formed some view and I'm left wondering have I written for a over saturated market, dwindling market, MS not up to standard etc etc. Love to hear how other navigate this territory.

I'm finding it hard to even find many agents to query and thinking even if I did find one, the chances must be very slim to get a book deal (and the chances are already very slim). I have looked at the latest releases etc, but asking to see what people in the trenches and field think. My book is a blend of superpowers, techno thriller, dystopia and has a romance sub plot. Querying is of course really hard mentally and I'm wondering if I'm better off self publishing. Thanks for any feedback!

Hi everyone! Thank you for your time for any critique you can provide! Dear [Agent’s Name], Mitai Girls is a 240-page middle grade graphic novel that reimagines the magical girl genre through the vibrant lens of South Asian culture. Combining the themes of love and friendship from Sailor Moon with the social commentary from Tokyo Mew Mew, it's a sweet and subversive adventure perfect for fans of Cursed Princess Club and UnOrdinary. In a world where magic is manufactured—and sold by mitai conglomerates—14-year-old Kali longs to be a magical girl. Mishti Corp’s enchanted sweets grant powers to those lucky enough to find the right one, but despite blowing her weekly allowance on as many mitais as possible, Kali is still a totally non powered 7th class nobody—until one day, after eating a suspiciously discarded the kaju katli (five-second rule), she wakes as a fully-transformed magical girl, complete with a dramatic upgrade and a mission to match. Suddenly, Kali is thrust into a surreal battle against Peda-man and his sugary minions who seek to twist the world into a sweet-obsessed dystopia. With the help of Jamun-P, a high-strung gulab jamun guide, and two fellow magical girls, Meena and Eisha, Kali must save her country… while still trying to beat Jeevan in math so her mom will finally stop comparing them. And then there’s that mysterious magical boy who always shows up just in time—if only she could ever catch him after their battles. As Kali faces growing threats—both personal and as a magical girl, Mitai Girls explores themes of friendship, identity, and trauma. My heritage of traditional artists and my lifelong love of manga directly inspires the aesthetic and world of Mitai Girls. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, Leka Mehra

Thank you to those who commented on my previous attempts. I still need to change some character names. Generally the names in the book are a mix of Hebrew, Irish, and completely made up, but I need to evaluate the suspension of disbelief. Dear \[agent name\], Seventeen-year-old Abigail left home to become a lord’s huntsman. Instead, she ended up in a backwater village. Acting as a third set of hands for a widower and his son, she struggles against mundanity until she meets Floid, a young man who practices witchcraft. Their deeply religious community has made him a pariah, but Abby, although religious herself, can relate to his outsider status. Her kindness allows him to confide in her about his mysterious powers over gravity and dreams. However, those powers have drawn the attention of dangerous forces. When a demon’s spirit erupts from the village well, it targets Floid and takes possession of him. It uses his abilities to destroy their church and flee the village. Abby seeks help from an exorcist in the nearby town, who has forged a “soul arrow” that can pierce the demon without harming the possessed. It seems like an easy solution. Plus, she needs an archer to use the arrow for her. Abby readily volunteers herself and claims the widower’s son, Sean, as her assistant. Meanwhile, the demon joins forces with the commander of a seafaring army, which has just made landfall. With winter approaching and the kingdom’s resources strained by an ongoing territory war, the invaders are poised for success. The possessed Floid is no longer within easy reach. Worse, his powers will draw more blood from the takeover and turn it toward the demon’s goal: to flood the Earth with demons from the underworld. The exorcist herself harbors secrets that threaten the church as an institution. This includes the secret of the soul arrow. Sean begs Abby to pass it to someone else, but she doubts they can find any other help, as the demon targets archers first on the battlefield. Abby doesn’t expect to be on the battlefield, and now that she knows the stakes, she is determined to see the hunt through to the end. She only has one shot. SOULFLETCHER (90,000 words) is a multiple-POV, standalone low fantasy story set in the dark ages of a fictional world. The small group of protagonists facing impossible odds will appeal to fans of Tricia Levenseller’s Blade of Secrets and Victoria Aveyard’s Realm Breaker. Thank you for your consideration.

*Hello everyone. Thank you in advance for any critique you can share!*  Dear Agent,  When a ship of some of Rookstone’s best defenders vanishes without a trace, eleven-year-old Gwen Carter knows her sleepy seaside town is in serious trouble. Gwen never asked to be tangled up in dark magic, vanishing ships, or ghost pirates cursed to wander the open sea. But when her best friend River's Sea Guard father disappears, Gwen and her friends are determined to uncover the truth—even if it leads them straight into danger. Their only clue? A haunting melody, one Gwen later discovers is from an old sailor’s song…the same song once sung by a long-dead pirate known as Golden Bones. As the mystery deepens, Gwen begins to suspect the impossible: that the ghost of Golden Bones has returned—and that he’s abducted River’s father and his crew.  While unraveling the mystery, Gwen must also complete her Wand Quest: summoning a mermaid to receive a mermaid crown, the final step to earning her first wand and becoming a real witch. But the mermaids have vanished, just like River’s dad. And the more Gwen investigates, the more the clues—from sirens, to shipwrecks, to the cursed ghost of Golden Bones—suggest that both mysteries are connected to something much older, and far more dangerous, than she imagined. If Gwen fails her Wand Quest, she won’t get her wand—and she may never become a witch at all. Worse, if she doesn’t break the curse of Golden Bones, River’s father will be lost forever, and the dark magic lurking beneath the waves could spill into Rookstone, threatening every magical creature that calls the town home. \[comps, personalization, bio\]

Good Evening (Agent), My self-published memoir about life as an American sex worker is currently generating approximately $1000/month in royalties; this number has been consistently growing up to this point since I published on Amazon in March 2025. This memoir has also consistently ranked in the top 100 for its categories on Amazon for over two months; around #50 for female memoirs and biographies, and between #5 and #10 for comedy. I am now seeking representation to explore traditional publishing opportunities, particularly broader distribution and PR/marketing opportunities. Title: Behind Closed Doors: Memoirs of an American Call Girl Author: E. S. Silversmith ISBN: 979-8-218-62764-5 Genre: non-fiction, memoir, humor Formats: trade paperback (ingramspark self published), ebook (amazon, self published) Length: 324 pages, approximately 120k words Comparable titles: 'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell' by Tucker Max, 'Memoirs of A Geisha' by Arthur Golden Brief Summary: Young, broke, in college. What’s a girl to do? Dive into this deliciously absurd and darkly humorous peek inside the world's oldest profession. Told through a series of encounters with real clients, this unhinged nonfiction recounts the misadventures of a socially awkward college student as she fumbles her way through the salacious world of escorting. While recalling unforgettable stories, Silversmith shares her unique insight into the business practices of call girl agencies and the everyday lives of American sex workers. Not written to titillate, the book instead provides a firsthand account and exploration of life inside the American sex industry. While keeping a casual narrative tone, this work tackles difficult topics like sex trafficking, pimps, rape, BDSM, fetishes, domestic violence, drug addiction, and the crippling lack of health and legal resources available to sex workers in America. Each chapter offers an in-depth introspective examination of the physical and psychological pressures experienced by the narrator. (I am choosing agents that specialize in narrative nonfiction from diverse voices and have an interest in social issues to explain the specificity of the part below) I have contacted you specifically as an agent because of your interest in narrative non-fiction, in writers from unrepresented backgrounds, twisted/unsettling stories, empathetic/hopeful narratives, and exploration of social issues. Thank you for your time and consideration. With Kind Regards, E. S. Silversmith

Hi PubTips, Would appreciate some feedback on this query. I've also bobbed some additional/ specific questions below for anyone who gets that far and is still interested. Grateful for any additional perspective you can spare. -------------------- Dear [Agent], I am writing to you because [personalisation]. I'd like to share [excerpt length] of my 80,000 word Folk Horror Mystery GHOST WRITER. Helen is not a ghost writer, not even a memoirist - she had some minor success with a novel about banshees that gained a small cult following. So, when her publisher calls her in crisis begging her to drive out to a reclusive musician's grand estate on the Yorkshire Moors to help complete a much anticipated music memior, Helen's initial reaction is confusion. Though she must admit she's a little flattered to hear that Iris Akeroyd read her novel and has requested her personally. The singer-songwriter's haunting lyrics about nature and myth had always resonated with her. So, sensing it will help her publisher look the other way about Helen's own long-overdue follow-up to Banshees of New Britain, she's willing to cooperate. Besides, she's more than a little curious about Iris Ackeroyd herself. Beyond the music, Helen only really knows two things about Iris: that she caused a stir when she bought the large estate just outside the village Helen's mum retired to. Plus, the thing that everyone knows: that she wasn't always a solo artist. She used to play synth in that band. Jill in the Green. Terrible shame what happened. They were popular when Helen was at school. And both Iris and Helen were there that day, when Jill in the Green were supposed to play the biggest festival in the country. They never showed. The word took hours to reach the furious crowd. The lead singer - Jill Prism - had gone missing. Vanished was the word they'd used. Never to be seen again. What starts as morbid curiousity and a somewhat cynical attempt to curry favor with her publisher quickly grows into a genuine creative collaboration. Both women share a fascination with poetry, folklore, and the Yorkshire landscape. The memoir is shaping into something profound and unnerving to both of them. But their shared publisher isn't interested in an exploration of girlhood, stone circles, and mysticism. They want the same thing they've wanted since the ink dried on Iris Ackeroyd's contract: a backstage pass into what really happened the day Jill Prism vanished from a field in Somerset crawling with the world's media and music fans. They want the first published account it since Iris stopped taking interviews almost twenty years ago. They want Helen to extract the real story without delay. GHOST WRITER blends elements of mystery with folk horror and music fiction. The folkloric themes would appeal to readers of HAGSTONE by Sinéad Gleeson, while readers of PROPHET by Helen Macdonald and Sin Blaché might enjoy the genre-bending combination of mystery with more speculative themes. [bio] -------- Questions: Genre! 'Folk Horror Mystery' is, as best I can tell, not really a thing. I'm also not sure the "folk horror" elements are coming through strongly enough in this query to justify putting it front-and-centre? Essentially, the festival where Jill disappears has a lot of pagan significance (standing stones, a "druid's temple" folly etc.) and Iris has always encouraged slightly "cultish" behaviour in her fans. All fueling theories that there was some sort of ritualistic or mystical component to the disappearance. Not sure if it would be worth revealing more of this in the query? Or if another genre might fit better? Comps! Is there someone other than Taylor Jenkins Reid to comp to if you're doing a sort of metafictional music-memoir/ celebrity ghost writer set-up? TJR feels very much "too big to comp" but also quite useful shorthand for "this is the type of book this is". Any thoughts?

On a throwaway account here lads, long-time lurker, finally drafting a query while I work out the manuscript's kinks. Dear Agent, Private First Class Gareth Merton is part of a military escort aboard The Lancelot, a ship sent by a dying humanity to collect galactic resources and return to save them. His time is spent patrolling the ship, keeping fit, and staying sane by talking with the ship's AI therapist. All is calm, until, on the day The Lancelot leaves communication range with the rest of humanity, the ship's captain, Selena, and the rest of the decision-makers aboard gather the soldiers to tell them they aren't going home. They've made the executive decision that the world they left behind isn't worth saving, but humanity as a whole is. When Gareth is the only soldier that speaks out about wanting a vote, he is tapped by his Sergeant, Alessia Hayworth, to join a small resistance against Selena's plan. But when someone close to Gareth within the group goes to Selena and has them arrested, only Gareth is left unscathed and remains in his position. Gareth is caught between scheming military personnel hoping to rule this new civilisation, his imprisoned friends, and yet undiscovered rebel activity aboard The Lancelot - all while being forced to find a new home for humanity. He must take a stance, do the people deserve a say, or does he find merit in Selena's actions? LET 'EM DROWN is a 77,000 word political science-fiction novel exploring an individual's purpose in a rapidly changing political climate. It will appeal to fans of the space exploration and crew dynamics of *To Be Taught, If Fortunate* by Becky Chambers, and the dialectic political discussions inherent within Hao Jingfang's *Vagabonds.* \[I see a lot of people do a bio - what is that meant to contain\] \[Where should I include any agent personalisation - why I chose them?\] Any feedback would be much appreciated, I'm a first time query-er (not a good start that I have to make up a word). I won't include my first 300 here because, like I say, I'm still editing - but would a first 300 be present in a query letter? Thank you all - this is honestly my favourite subreddit

THE COLLECTORS (80k words) is a work of literary fiction combining the exploration of artistic ambition, loneliness and mental health found in Utopia by Heidi Sopinka with the speculative setting of C. Pam Zheng’s Land of Milk and Honey.    In a near future, post scarcity society, automation has facilitated the existence of a leisure society. While residents in the city have all of their basic needs provided for, a growing number of young artists have chosen to venture into the abandoned countryside to retrofit dilapidated old houses for modern conveniences, find ways to provide for themselves and most importantly, document the process online for clout. Emory, a directionless twenty-three-year-old, spends her days at the local cafe or community centre, or locked in her bedroom designing and sewing elaborate garments she’s too timid to actually wear. Like most people her age, she religiously follows the activities of DREAMSTATE, the most successful of the countryside social houses.    When Magda May, one of the members of the prestigious house dies suddenly, Emory has the chance to join the collective. Upon arrival, she finds herself unable to connect and worse than that, she is suffering a creative block, incapable of designing her first collection under the banner of the house. Rather than settle into socializing with the other members, she becomes increasingly obsessed with the dead woman whose shoes she is expected to fill, and as her public debut approaches, she is plagued by the possibility she may not have it in her to succeed even in the place she always dreamed she would be happy and artistically fulfilled. If that is true, it would only confirm what she has always feared, that the problem is her, and there is no place in this world she is meant to be.   (bio)

Hello everyone! Long-time lurker here! I'm on my final stages of editing my novel, and am looking to begin querying in the next month or so. This query is in its \*very\* early stages, so I really appreciate any feedback on what works, what doesn't, etc! Dear \[Agent\], It is 2002, and the five Sandoval siblings have been estranged for years, and scattered across the globe. Joseph, a tech developer from San Francisco, has been laid off from his job during the dot-com bubble burst.  Buenaluz, a professor from Geneva, lives with her husband and twin boys—a fairytale life she has created from shedding her past identity.  Marjorie, who lives in the Mountain Province of the Philippines, has assimilated to the northern ways of life since running away from her twin, Buenaluz, and her family.  Isobel, the oldest who lives in Manila, is a stage mother pushing her daughter, Kitty, to a career in acting—something she considers to be a birthright.  Crisanto, the youngest, is an English teacher in Japan. A nomad with a fragmented sense of home, he has moved from one country to another, unable to lay down roots.  When a letter reaches all of them from an unfamiliar sender, a Reyna Madrigal, the past threatens to destroy the new identities they have created. Sixteen years prior, the five Sandoval siblings lived in a stately mansion in Manila, Philippines, with their mother, a retired movie star from the 60’s, and their father, a politician who worked high in the ranks for President Marcos during the Martial Law era. They were all separated when their live-in teenage nanny, Ligaya, was murdered under mysterious circumstances, altering the course of all their lives entirely. Reyna claims to know what happened to her, urging the siblings to meet up at their abandoned childhood home.  When Reyna fails to show up, the siblings hesitantly go through a quest to track her down, a journey spanning multiple cities and provinces throughout the Luzon Archipelago, slowly unraveling the threads of past while fueling the growing tension between them. With long-held secrets threatening to surface, the Sandoval Siblings must decide whether the pursuit of truth is stronger than the wounds of their collective history. Told from each sibling’s point of view in a dual timeline format, CHILD OF THE SUN RETURNING is completed at 96,000 words, and is a work of literary fiction. It blends the family drama against the political backdrop of Hala Alyan’s ARSONISTS’ CITY, the well-layered mystery of Liz Moore’s THE GOD OF THE WOODS*,* and the rippling effects of a singular traumatic event of Michelle Huneven’s BUG HOLLOW.  I am a Filipino-American writer with a minor in Creative Writing from XYZ. Much like some of my characters, I have been plucked from my motherland and my childhood home at a young age—cursed to grieve and write about it forever. CHILD OF THE SUN RETURNING is my first novel.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks in advance for any advice/feedback. Let me know if I can return the favor. Also, I've been waffling on the name of the manuscript, considering Modern Psychopath, The Psycho Path, A Psychopath Like Me, or A Doe to Slaughter. Feel free to weigh in! Dear AGENT, Thank you for reading my query. \[Personalization here\]. Psychology doctoral student Jacob Monroe is brilliant, privileged, and probably a murderer. He claims he didn’t do it, of course, but he doesn’t deny he may be a psychopath. Locked up in an Ohio jail and accused of killing two women he met online, Jacob is evaluated by psychologist Jim Sharp who’s taken on the biggest challenge of his young career: helping Jacob avoid the death penalty. Jim’s investigation, which leads him to interview others from Jacob’s past, uncovers some shocking twists, including disturbing parallels between his and Jacob’s personal lives. He now must overcome Jacob’s resistance, his own dating disasters, and an at-large killer to analyze Jacob and get to the bottom of these murders. But the more he learns about Jacob’s dark past, the more he wonders - is Jacob’s life even worth saving? MODERN PSYCHOPATH (100,000 words) is a psychological suspense thriller that is the first in a proposed series. It combines the criminal psychology intrigue of *The Silent Patient* (Alex Michaelides) with the dark yet gleeful tones of *Darkly Dreaming Dexter* (Jeff Lindsay) and the modern storytelling structure of *None of This is True* (Lisa Jewell)*.* This book is for fans of mysteries, thrillers, and suspense; psychology enthusiasts from novices to professionals; and those interested in the intersection of criminal psychology and modern culture. The author, ME, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in forensic assessment. He also has a B.A. in English with an emphasis in creative writing. He has written many psychological reports and research articles, but this is his first literary manuscript.

KOSUTH ON THE EAST RIVER is an 80,000-word literary/upmarket novel about a young artist who arrives in NYC in the mid-1990s, hoping to find connection, success, and most of all a clean slate. At 22, the unnamed narrator arrives in New York dreaming of art-world recognition and a rebirth. He appears wide-eyed and gauche, but this is nothing more than an internal reset meant to erase the person he had been in London. There he was a shape-shifter, abandoned by both parents and sexually confused, desperate to escape invisibility, and willing to do anything to belong.  After the suicide of his mother and rejection by his best friends, art becomes his way out, his chance to paint a new version of himself, untainted by the past. While at art school, a New York gallerist, intrigued by his process, invites him to live and work in NYC. He seizes the opportunity, putting London—and his old self—behind him.  Once in the city, he meets Tamago, an ambitious sculptor who takes him as a lover, and Alejandro, a charismatic ne’er-do-well who draws him into an intimate friendship, and stirs an unspoken desire. But Tamago wants an acolyte, not an equal. She’s still obsessed with an art-school crush, now a rising star. Alejandro is another escapee fleeing his own complicated history, using the narrator to infiltrate a scene he can hide in. What they both want is a reflection, not a rival, and the narrator plays along, downplaying his ability, happy to have finally found the intimacy and connection he'd sought. But when an influential curator offers him a spot in a prestigious group show, the balance of power shifts. A doorway to opportunity has opened, and he must decide: remain in Tamago’s shadow to keep her, stay Alejandro’s devoted sidekick, or take the spotlight for himself and risk the emotional redemption he has found. All his life, he’s longed for love and acclaim, but now that he’s on the verge of metamorphosis, he can choose only one. KOSUTH ON THE EAST RIVER will appeal to readers of *Yellowface* by R.F. Kuang and *Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow* by Gabrielle Zevin—novels that explore identity, performance, deception, and ambition. (367 words)

If a novel deals with multiple themes - sibling relationship, setting as a character, protagonist's conflict - which one do you pick to open the novel with? In my limited reading experience and what I learnt from Salman Rushdie's masterclass, opening line or the opening paragraph must tell what's the novel is about. I have noticed that novels with great setting usually use the opening paragraph to describe a place. Thrillers usually begin with the action or the secret. Novels with first person POV that deal with an individual protagonist usually give a glimpse of the protagonist's thoughts. And novels that have family as the main theme usually introduce two or more characters in the first page. But what if a novel has two or three themes that are central to the novel. How do you pick one of the many?

In an island empire where scholars learn from gods through telescopes, eighteen-year-old orphan Zimri has long been apprentice to the Master Skyseer, and he's learned nothing. When a warlord seeks a mask that holds the powers to push his home into the sea, Zimri is sent on a quest to avert disaster, but is almost murdered before he can set off. Rescued by a dashing swordsman, he begins a race against a circle of nature worshippers to cross a heathen land and uncover history long forgotten. As he discovers more about himself and where he truly belongs, Zimri also uncovers the secrets those closest to him have kept hidden—that he must claim what is rightfully his and return to a life he didn’t choose, or walk away and leave godlike power behind. THE FATES STARS SING is the first in an LGBTQ+ YA Fantasy duology at 90,000 words. Perfect for fans of the grounded fantasy world within *Heir* by Sabaa Tahir or readers who long for the queer love of Samantha Shannon's *Roots of Chaos*—but with a gender-expansive twist. My name is \[REDACTED\], writing under \[PEN NAME\], and I use they/them pronouns. An award-winning essayist who's been recognized on Fox News and published in the East Fork Journal of the Arts, I studied English Literature at the University of Cincinnati and work by day in sales. When I'm not crafting queer stories, I can be found watering my too-many houseplants or enjoying the sun with my neurotic dog. I thank you for your time and your consideration.

I have a list of about 45, and at least ten of those feel iffy (mainly do romance/fantasy, not a lot of sales, etc.) I’ve already queried 25, and have had some full requests, but it doesn’t feel like enough people are on my list to really have a good shot at this. Am I just not looking hard enough? Or are others in this genre finding there’s not a lot of agents to query?

Hi all! Thanks so much for the helpful feedback on my previous attempt [(here)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lxfob0/qcrit_adult_fantasy_poisoned_gods_115k_attempt_1/) . I’d appreciate any critique on my second try. Dear \[Agent\], I feel your interest in \[personalization\] is a great fit for my standalone debut, *Poisoned Gods.* This 115,000-word fantasy can appeal to readers who enjoyed the complicated friendships of *The Unspoken Name* by A.K. Larkwood, as well as the exploration of grief and queer love in *Even Though I Knew the End* by C.L. Polk. The gods want Mallow dead. Their weapon of choice is their devoted Seers, whose clairvoyant visions end lives just as easily as they save them. He avoids them through his mousy existence at the library, but still manages to find power in the little things: his rejection of devotion-based magic, the unused knife under his pillow, an impious word whispered in private. His overachieving friend, Reid, wants real power–the kind only a patron god can give. Worse, they aim to become a Seer. With their faith running deeper than ever before, Mallow worries the next attempt on his life might even come at their hand. Instead, it rushes him in the roaring flood that drags his boyfriend out to sea. Haunted by the memory of his love’s waterlogged body, Mallow struggles to summon his spirit. When he fails, a dubiously-intentioned ghost appears with an offer. If Mallow helps him achieve deification, not only will he revive his boyfriend–he’ll ensure the gods can never hurt him again. Reid's patron leads them to the summoning ritual, but they arrive too late. Its warped magic traps them in the Afterdeath, where they cling to the future they thought they’d have. Guided by their visions, they search for a way home, all the while becoming suspicious of the ghost’s growing promises. As these promises draw closer to manifestation, Mallow and Reid are torn between two opposing goals: to save a lover, or the gods. I’m a queer designer who enjoys creating stories with heartfelt representation. When I’m not writing, I spend my time drawing, going on hikes, and hanging out with my two cats. Thank you for your consideration!

Hi, everyone. Here's my latest query attempt. Over the past few weeks, y'all have been an enormous help. I think the query is better (hopefully). I'm moderately confident the comps are fine (unless anyone disagrees). I'm honestly having second thoughts about the title. Can't think of anything better, but feel something more hooky might be needed. Any and all feedback and suggestions is much appreciated! Attempt 1: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lr981k/qcrit\_orbens\_pact\_supernatural\_horror\_adult\_90k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lr981k/qcrit_orbens_pact_supernatural_horror_adult_90k/) Attempt 2: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lxq92b/qcrit\_orbens\_pact\_supernatural\_horror\_adult\_91k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lxq92b/qcrit_orbens_pact_supernatural_horror_adult_91k/) Attempt 3: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m3d817/qcrit\_orbens\_pact\_supernatural\_horror\_adult\_91k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m3d817/qcrit_orbens_pact_supernatural_horror_adult_91k/) Dear Agent, My novel, *Orben’s Pact*, is a work of supernatural horror complete at 92,000 words. It is similar in tone and content to works like Grady Hendrix's dark and twisty *We Sold Our Souls*, Rachel Harrison's female-friendship-centered *The Return*, and the *Smile* psychological horror movies by Parker Finn. Liz Angleton never believed in God. After all she’s endured, how could she? Her mother died when she was young, her father took his life soon after, and she later lost a baby. Now she works grueling hours at a rundown restaurant to support her jobless husband and protect her five-year-old stepson, Luke, her last ray of hope. She wants to believe she can be a good mother. But like with God—and anything supernatural—she has doubts. Liz didn’t foresee the shapeshifting, soul-devouring demoness Emrec barging into her life. Emrec has made a pact with Liz’s new coworker, Orben Falter, who wants to save his soul from Emrec by procuring her another. Satan, who seals the deal with a written contract, frees Emrec from hell to find a soul to replace Orben’s—one especially glazed with grief and despair, on which she thrives. Per the contract, Emrec can only succeed with Orben’s help, and she’s got her sights set on Liz, whose soul seems extra delicious. Orben helps Emrec infiltrate a remote woodland home where Liz is staying with friends Anna and Melody for a wedding. The house and venue reek of old deaths—ideal hunting grounds for a demon who can only kill where grief lingers. Emrec assumes grotesque forms, twisting Liz’s trauma with brutal torment, both physical and psychological. At the wedding, disguised as a human, she devours a caterer and nearly slaughters a child. But her true target is Luke, whose death would burn Liz’s soul to a perfect crisp. To stop her, Liz must abandon doubt and find faith—not in God, but in herself. \[Bio\] **First 300** They lived in a one-bedroom situated on the banks of the muddy Chattahoochee, straddling the Alabama-Georgia line. The mossy, brick apartment building was more suited for singles and couples than it was for families. But this was where Tyler Angleton had been when Liz, his most recent wife, had stumbled across him and his small son Luke, who were in the market for a new wife and mother. Ever since Liz formally joined the family, they’d wanted to relocate to a new and better home, but they simply lacked the funds to make that happen. Liz Angleton stared at the ceiling as she sank into the half-deflated air mattress on the living room floor. Tyler was lying uncomfortably close to her. His slack mouth, framed by a  scraggly black beard, was steadily leaking saliva, and every ten minutes or so, he’d begin a session of loud snoring. According to Liz’s phone, it was 5:50 A.M. The walk to work was roughly ten-fifteen minutes. Her shift began at 10:00 and ended at 8:00. Was it too soon to get up? Business had not been good at The Cannon, and Joe wouldn’t have anyone wasting his money by clocking in early. He resented that he was allowing Liz to work as long a shift as she was (even though she desperately needed the money while Tyler was out of work). But Liz was one of few reliable servers on staff, and though he didn’t care to admit it, Joe depended on her. He’d been desperately searching for new hires for months now, and Liz had heard that that search had finally paid off. The restaurant’s turnover rate was through the roof; oftentimes, in fact, it seemed like Liz and Joe were The Cannon’s only two employees, besides the cooks.

Hello and thank you to everyone who gave feedback the last time! Based on what was said, I ended up rewriting most of my query after the second attempt and would once again appreciate any feedback :) \----- When Genesis commits an unforgivable sin, the price is her life, violently cut short in an act of atonement. But death is only the beginning. After her murder, she is whisked away to the Land of the Spirits—a strange, whimsical realm of dragons, nixies, and fires that whisper back. A land where the sins of her past are washed away, along with the dark memories of what she did. Genesis meets Raphael: an arrogant, cruel-hearted, yet hauntingly beautiful prince. She has no intention of trusting him—until a vengeful spirit begins hunting her, seeking retribution for a crime she no longer remembers. Desperate for answers and safety, she forms an unlikely alliance with the prince. But as she begins to unravel the truth of her death, memories resurface, hinting her and Raphael’s fates have crossed before. There’s a reason her soul was led to him, as he may have played a part in her violent end. CRIMSON ATONEMENT is an adult romantic fantasy, complete at 76,000 words. Its themes of religious sacrifice and fate versus choice will appeal to fans of Axie Oh’s *The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea*, while its exploration of reincarnation and fated love gone wrong is reminiscent of Kaylie Smith’s *Phantasma*.

Hello everyone! I am back with a question that I did not find the exact answer to when I searched it up this afternoon. Would like to pick your brains! (I also want to say that I am so grateful for the help that I received on my initial query post a few months ago. I took everyone's advice, rewrote the query according to the feedback, and sent a test batch to 7 agents. I got some fulls!) For one of the full requests, the agent got back to me with a fairly long personalized rejection, about a page. They outlined what they enjoyed about the book, the positive things it was doing, and where exactly it fell short of an offer. They gave me actionable feedback specific to the characters, plot beats, and world. Honestly? Their advice changed the way I saw my book and I not only agreed with all of their suggestions, but felt that what I was trying to do with the story was finally clear to me. I have started edits and love them. At the end, they let me know that they would like to take a look at a "heavily edited version" of the manuscript if I chose to revise. However, they did close the query as a rejection, so I don't know if it is a "true" R&R. In their feedback, they stated that they loved the voice of the protagonist, the language of the inner world of the protagonist, and their journey. They said it was hard to reject because the novel did "a lot of things right." That in mind, my question is: **how heavy an edit do you believe an agent expects when re-submitting a manuscript after revision, while retaining what was initially enjoyed?** I currently think I will end up somewhere around 50-60% of the book being revised, with major changes to plot, motivations, and a *complete* change of the last quarter of the book/ending. I would hate to either submit a manuscript that is so wildly different than what was originally liked, OR a manuscript that the agent feels is not enough revision for them to consider it and thus have wasted their time. I am also comfortable if everyone says I am being neurotic and to just write, haha! Thank you so much everyone.

Hey everyone, so I made some changes since my last time. I removed the part about it being my first novel, for one. Secondly, I've taken out the comps and am currently reading through a few books that I hope to use for them in place of the old ones. I bought two adult fiction novels that came out within the past two years. I also picked up *All the Colors of the Dark* in hopes that the vibe of that book will potentially fit into what I'm looking to achieve with Love in Stasis, but we'll see. If anything, I'll have read a good book by the end of it, as it comes highly recommended! I also tried to make the characters pop out a little more by depicting a main conflict that each one will be dealing with during the story, and I clarified why Luz would be suspected for the murder right off the bat. Interested to hear what everyone thinks of this new query letter attempt. Thank you all in advance for the feedback! \------------------------------------------------- Dear ***\[AGENT NAME HERE\]***, I am searching representation for my novel, LOVE IN STASIS. A ninety-thousand-word romance-mystery multi-POV story with the sapphic, conflicted slow burn relationship of *\[Insert COMP 1 Here\]*, mixed with the gritty tone and realistic exploration into the psychology of victimhood displayed in *\[Insert COMP 2 here\].* ***\[Personalized reason to choose this agent\]*** Melody Briggs is a junior at Scribe University. She also happens to be in love with Luz Marcellus, her ex-girlfriend and current roommate, who broke up with her a year prior. But when she walks in on Luz in bed with another woman, she finally accepts the fact that she needs to put some space between herself and her well-intentioned ex. That becomes impossible to do when a missing person's case suddenly escalates into a murder on the campus green. Luz calls in the body after being the only witness to the crime. Between that, having a complicated history with the victim, and being a criminal justice major: the police look at her as the prime suspect. On top of everything else, Madeline Moore, Melody’s best friend who would move heaven and earth for her, is drugged at the club on that very same night. The key to Luz’s innocence, as well as the answer to who the real murderer is, might be locked away in Madeline’s head somewhere. But the longer they work together, the more Luz and Madeline start to steal glances from one another. Death is a clock with no hands. The only point in our life when we know with absolute certainty when it will chime is the moment it happens. This is a story about the people who are left behind when time runs out. ***\[Short one paragraph bio\]***

Hey there! I've been querying this letter for a few weeks and it's earned me a resounding silence, so I'd appreciate any insights about what might not be working! Thanks in advance for your thoughts! (previous attempts: [first](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1ix9xq7/qcrit_adult_speculative_ecofiction_eternal_sings/), [second](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1j2cqa9/qcrit_adult_speculative_fiction_eternal_sings_the/), [third](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1j89ecu/qcrit_adult_speculative_fiction_eternal_sings_the/), [fourth](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1jdawpb/qcrit_adult_speculative_fiction_eternal_sings_the/), and [fifth](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1kr8dsi/qcrit_adult_speculative_fiction_eternal_sings_the/)) _____ Dear \[agent name\], I am seeking representation for ETERNAL SINGS THE LIGHT, a speculative fiction at 75,000 words. Like *The Axeman’s Carnival* by Catherine Chidgey, it is a human character study explored through limited-perspective animal narrators, but with the rich natural setting and ecology of *North Woods* by Daniel Mason. I thought you might be interested in my novel for \[personalization\]. Solveig didn’t expect to die trying to protect the forest, but she’s not about to let that stop her.  As a ghost, she can travel freely between the Wilderness and the Refuge—the mirrored realms of the living and the dead.  When illegal snares appear in the Wilderness, Solveig makes it her mission to free every animal that gets trapped.  She saves Asher, a fox, who pledges himself to her service so she’ll keep protecting him. A few snares become the least of their problems when men with chainsaws arrive.  Every tree felled in the Wilderness vanishes from the Refuge too.  This is trouble for Blaze, a marten in the Refuge who is terrified of the ground.  Solveig promises his arboreal home will be safe as long as she can stop the humans from logging the Wilderness. To do that, though, she’ll need some of his life-energy. Drawing power from her friends, Solveig haunts the human invaders and discovers their scheme to demolish the Wilderness for a vacation resort. Stopping them will require all the life-energy Asher and Blaze can spare. Their sacrifices are necessary, Solveig insists. If they don’t drive the men out, both the Wilderness and the Refuge will be wastelands, and everything Solveig worked for in life and beyond could be lost forever. \[Author bio\] Thank you for your consideration.

Hi everyone! My first book’s query got some incredible critique here that helped me see issues in the manuscript itself. While I prepare that one for the trenches, I wanted to get a preliminary look at my second novel’s query before I start writing it, since I’ve seen this strategy work for others in previous posts. Thanks so much everyone! —— Orchestral-school senior Arya Singh can *see* music—she hears melodies in reds and blues, embers sparking from drumbeats, feathers swirling between her violin’s gut strings. Though terrified that her synesthesia makes her a defective musician, Arya hates hiding this part of herself. So at the start of her senior year, Arya finally finds the courage to tell her academic rival and best friend, Jayson Gong, about the colors of music. But something strange is going on with Jayson. After a summer of unanswered texts, Jayson refuses to explain his silence to Arya. He continues avoiding her at school. Jayson claims he’s busy “practicing,” even though the blue-haired, smug-faced bastard never practiced a day in his life, and his was music already the most beautiful Arya had seen. Now, though, the colors of Jayson’s music are…wrong. *Corrupted.* Each bow-stroke of his violin is black and rotten, and Arya swears she sees maggots crawling out of the instrument’s body. No other students see the maggots. Jayson’s too obsessed with becoming the “top-ranked” student, and earning a solo at the school’s winter concert. Arya, insecure in her own abilities as a musician, wants the solo part too. But when Jayson’s maggots crawl into more instruments, mahogany wood and ivory strings warp into huge, horrific monsters that only Arya can see, and only Jayson can hear. The maggot monsters devour passion. Each night, a student is stripped of passion, and drops out of school the next day. Terrified of being the next victims, Arya and Jayson team up to fight the monsters by night, and fight each other for the solo part by day. As the origin of Jayson’s obsession is unearthed, and the monsters grow hungrier, Arya must choose: earn the solo part and prove her worth as a musician, or help Jayson remember why *he* loves music so they can kill the obsession-born maggots for good. OUR ROTTED SYMPHONY is a YA horror novel with speculative elements complete at 79,000 words. It blends the dark lyricality and unsteady friendship of V.E. Schwab’s *This Savage Song* with the high stakes and themes of obsession in C.G. Drews’ *Don’t Let The Forest In.* [personalization] [author bio] Thank you for your time and consideration, [name] ——— First 300 I’d fallen in love with the colors of music. It happened long before I knew what “love” meant, before my lips could shape any words, let alone *the* word. I’d eventually cracked open a dictionary with my stubby, brown, crayon-streaked hands. But even when I’d found the definition of “love” tucked away between "loofah" and "loosen," I knew mine would only ever be for the colors of music. My mother, my Amma—Savitri Singh, the woman with crow’s feet and almond-shaped eyes, who smelled as warm and spiced as turmeric—was the one person I’d told about my true love. “Play a song for me, Amma?” I’d ask every night before bedtime. Amma would tsk, and say my name sternly. *Arya Singh. It is far too late for music.* She liked pretending to be tough. But when she’d go to grab her drums, her crinkling crow’s feet always betrayed her. Amma’s tabla played the most beautiful colors. She’d strike the leather drumhead with the base of her palm, and sparks would fly, red and golden embers bursting forth from her hands. I’d once asked Amma, “Can you play blues and greens too?” Amma’s thick brows had ruffled. The tabla went slack in her lap, and she pursed her lips like she’d bitten into a lemon. Then, as if I’d been cracking a joke, Amma’s face would crack open with a grin too. Her voice sounded like ground peppercorns when she said, *Oh, to have the imagination of a child.* I grew older. The colors never disappeared, but Amma’s smile did whenever I talked about them. She’d put me on these sketchy, homeopathic antipsychotics she bought from a guru’s back-alley drugstore. I hid them inside my pillowcase: if I took the pills, they just made me sleepy, and left the colors untouched. At least at St. Bellamy’s School of Music, Amma wasn’t around to make sure my blister pack was emptied of pills.

*Peep Show* meets *Crime and Punishment* in THE UNTENABLES, a piece of contemporary literary fiction complete at 70,000 words. Like most millennials, Ziggy Donovan isn’t vibing with the pandemic. He’s tired of pretending to like home-baked bread and he hates Zoom quizzes almost as much as he hates jokes about Zoom quizzes. Unlike most millennials, he’s about to kill his landlord. Struggling to adjust to the “unprecedented times” he faces, Ziggy spends his days punching himself in the face and wondering if lockdown life is actually any worse than his day-to-day existence as a millennial. He and his housemates, Clem, an aspiring writer and social activist, and Teddy, a middle-class kid trying to pose as a “roadman”, share little more than the tiny flat they rent together in South London. When Mr Hume, their elderly, foul-mouthed landlord, threatens to evict them over a misunderstanding, things rapidly escalate and Ziggy ends up killing him, perhaps by accident, perhaps not. Anxious and indecisive, the trio of housemates must now decide whether to tell the authorities, try to frame it as a Covid death, or simply carry on scrollling and hope no one notices. Following a path he never thought he’d find himself on, Ziggy soon realises that you can’t hide from the truth and has to confront his greatest fear: taking responsibility. With themes of lockdown frustration, millennial existentialism, and loneliness and self-loathing, THE UNTENABLES will appeal to fans of the books *Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead* by Olga Tokarczuk and *How to Kill Your Family* by Bella Mackie. I’m really excited to share this work with you given \[personalisation section\]. About me: I’m 32 and work as a civil servant and stand-up comedian in London. This work is based on my own experiences of surviving as a neurodiverse millennial through the pandemic, the housing crisis and the generalised omnishambles that is the 2020s. I look forward to hearing from you.

I've previously received some wonderful feedback here, so I thought I might as well share the final query that got me my agent. A little backstory, this is the second manuscript I wrote and the second I queried, after having shelved the first one last year. And English is my third language (not important but perhaps worth mentioning anyway). Anyway, technically, I started querying in February, and I received my first offer end of June. Though in hindsight, those early queries were definitely sent too soon. It wasn't until the beginning of April that I started sending it out widely, and when several full requests rolled in at the end of April, I sent it to basically everyone I had on my list. So, without further ado, here are the **stats**: 130 queries sent 30 fulls (including some partials turned full and 6 came post offer) 2 offers Here's the **query**: Dear AGENT, Elsie was never fond of regular paintings. She is, however, very fond of limnings—paintings that have come alive. As a custodian in a gallery for limnings, she watches over fantastical creatures and sentient portraits. One of them, especially, has captured Elsie’s interest and maybe her heart: Theodore Quill, an enigmatic aristocrat who hides within his paintings from all but Elsie. When robbers raid the gallery, Elsie can’t bear the thought of Theo’s portrait being stolen, so she does something with questionable legality. Something only a limner—a painter of magical paintings—can do. Elsie reaches into the painting and frees him. But Theo is no painting, and he never was. Over a century ago, he became trapped within a limning, rendering him a mere spectator of the real world. Now stranded in 1899, Theo has no home to return to, and Elsie welcomes him into the house she shares with her grandmother, hiding Theo’s true origin. Even from herself. For the truth would make her the one thing her grandmother despises: a limner. Lies about Theo’s background and Elsie’s newfound ability pile up until the truth ultimately spills out. Feeling shunned by her only family, Elsie joins Theo on his search for remnants of his past. But she discovers more than she bargained for. The corrupt gallery owner has taken an interest in Elsie's ability; Theo’s entrapment wasn't entirely accidental, and he’s keeping a fatal secret. Theo is dying. Elsie must race against the clock—evading the gallery owner's notice—to save the man she's fallen for or lose him forever. THE PORTRAIT OF THEODORE QUILL is an 83,000-word adult romantic fantasy standalone about a tragic love story set in the late Victorian era. It will appeal to fans of the melancholic and bittersweet ending of *The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue* by V.E. Schwab, the historical setting of *Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries* by Heather Fawcett, and the tragic whirlwind romance of *Titanic.* (Bio) **Last thoughts**: I didn't really personalise any queries, though I did have some other comps I used depending on what the MSWL mentioned. I saw a major increase in requests after I raised the stakes in the third paragraph and spoiled the mid-point plot twist, so yes, it actually does help not to be so vague (sigh...). And this also goes to show that sometimes covering only 30% of the plot isn't always sufficient in a query. And based on my agent's suggestions, I have since thrown out the tragic ending and written them a HEA.

Hi everyone! This is the query letter for my first novel. I would love your thoughts on it. I’m sending to agents as well as a few publishers. Thanks in advance! I am inquiring about the possibility of publishing my debut novel, *HIDE*, a supernatural thriller approximately 85,000 words in length. *HIDE* might appeal to readers who appreciate the redemptive, investigative thrillers like Ted Dekker’s *The Bride Collector* and the blend of slow-burn, supernatural suspense found in works like Jason Rekulah’s *Hidden Pictures*. Jack Londergan is reeling from the worst year of his life, a year dominated by divorce and a failed suicide attempt that has left him with significantly impaired vision. Ready to escape his past, he’s paying cash for a new island home. However, his plans are upended when young women begin disappearing in Reaper Ridge, each abduction marked by the chilling note: “Confess, and she will live.” The crisis escalates when his niece becomes a target, pulling Jack into the heart of the investigation. He postpones his move to protect her, reluctantly assisting an overwhelmed police force and the annoyingly attractive, big-city Detective Paige Marlowe. Though his impaired vision initially limited him, an experimental surgery miraculously restores his sight. But he begins to see things others can’t—unsettling dark shadows that resemble people, along with a strange light hovering over the water – the very location where his failed suicide occurred. And as young women continue to disappear, the light is drawing closer. To save the missing girls and protect the entire town from an awakened, ancient evil, Jack must expose hidden sins within the community and confront his own buried transgressions. The novel explores how his journey toward confession might lead to liberation, not only for himself but also for Reaper Ridge.

Hello PubTips! I'm back with another version of [this query](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1m36983/qcrit_adult_romantasy_snowspring_120k_3rd_attempt/). My current stats: 28 queries sent, 5 partials (now down to 2 partials), and 14 rejections. I've received a reply from one agent that rejected a partial—she said the opening pages are strong, but in this oversaturated market, she isn't confident the story would make it on sub. (*Single, dramatic tear.*) I've revised my query based on the feedback I got last week, and it resulted in 2 partial requests same day (!!!). Which was great. But I still have yet to get a full request, so... I'm honestly reaching a point where I'm ready to shelve the project and try again fresh. 😅 Let me know your thoughts on this letter and if you have any other adjustments. The replies I've gotten here have truly been invaluable, so thank you! \- **Snowspring** is a dual-POV, 120,000-word standalone adult romantasy featuring darker, reimagined characters from the tales of *Hansel and Gretel*, *the Snow Queen* (now King), and *Sleeping Beauty*. The fairytale inspiration for this world includes adult additions of murder, sex, drugs, and attractive villains that *may* have a point. This story has imperfect heroes and a romance similar to Rachel Gillig's *The Knight and the Moth*, deadly cursed magic akin to L.J. Andrews's *Broken Souls and Bones*, and would be great for readers of K.A. Linde. In a snowy kingdom among the ruins of a fallen golden age, the monstrous and near-extinct elven kind are forbidden for the safety of men. Orphan Colette Black and her twin brother (*Gretel and Hansel*, respectively) have spent their lives hiding from guards not *only* because they're half-elves, but because they murdered their abusive, mortal grandmother as kids, and their twin faces can be found on the kingdom's faded wanted posters. Posing as mortal is an arduous task, as Cole also has an uncontrollable gift of clairvoyance. Fortunately, her anti-social demeanor *and* an anti-magic drug help prevent the oracle-like visions that accost her if she's ever asked a question. But the drug grows scarce, leading Cole to a beautiful, mysterious elf named Bram promising an unlimited supply and protection for her non-magical twin...in exchange for her hand. Her *literal* hand, she thought, only to discover it was a trick, and they are now magically betrothed. Bram is more than a drug-dealing outlaw—he's a former brainwashed ally of the public's beloved *Snow King*, and wedding Cole is key to his plans to take the crown. Because, while the king is considered a hero, he's secretly an elf wielding cursed magic, and is the cause of the apocalyptic snow. Bram, using Cole's clairvoyance as a guide, is one of the few with magic powerful enough to stop his icy reign. Bram has little interest in Cole *romantically*—relieving to her mind and confusing to her heart—and instead, his focus is on saving the kingdom and his younger brother, a *sleeping beauty* trapped in a magical slumber inside the king's quarters. But a vision shows Bram's coup failing and Cole's twin dying in the ensuing fight unless she harnesses her gift and joins Bram's quest. Despite her hatred of her power, her elven half, and Bram's smarmy grin, the time spent with him begins to unravel all Cole's negative beliefs. As Bram helps her to become the omniscient heroine the kingdom needs, he becomes the elf she *wants*. And now, instead of seducing her new husband, Cole must battle a cruel elven king who may end the world if gone unchecked. I've written Snowspring to explore themes that hit close to home for me. Like Cole, I'm neurodivergent and demisexual, and I have had the experience of losing a parent while young. \[bio specifics\]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear Agent Smith BORN AGAIN is a multi-POV, 90k Speculative/Weird Western that rethinks the Western mould in disturbingly thought provoking ways. With a fresh take, it complements the religious manipulation experienced in John Shirley’s *Gunmetal Mountain*, while also appealing to the philosophical views and confused, divorced-from-humanity characters in Osamu Dazai’s *No Longer Human.* Additionally, it resembles the protagonists’ uncomfortably obsessive relationship found in Netflix’s *End of The F\*\*\*ing World*. The year is 1847…or is it 1901? Grass-like giants known as husks have ravaged the Wild West. 21-year-old, death addicted, Walker Clifton feels inhuman. He doesn't understand why he does and says the things he does or says. But what he does…or believes he understands, is his deaf, indigenous sister, Kanti and the souls of husks–Essence, which, contrary to Kanti's belief, apparently humanizes him. When God mysteriously parches away The Promised Land’s water, Walker travels to the sinful town of Babylon where he's enticed by its ungodly culture. He begs himself not to stay because Kanti needs him. But when he proudly returns with water, he learns that she’s caused the destruction of their home, which he easily forgives. Nothing will ever sour their abnormally obsessive relationship…When others are in the pits of despair, our protagonists are seemingly thriving. A culmination of drunken stupor, lust, manipulation, and child sacrifices leads Walker into becoming Babylon’s incubator. He’s to father as many bastards as possible. *“Life is in the blood.”* (Lev 17:11) The mixture of Essence and blood within him produces Pith, and according to the snakish reverend, Cain, Pith may be the path to eternal life. Walker and Kanti aren’t certain if they want eternal life. However, Cain doesn’t care. He won’t relieve them from his snare of contradictions. Through ghastly outlets of Essence, whoring, and Kanti, Walker must cancel out all the confusion, deciding for himself who he truly is and what he desires. Meanwhile, Kanti must gaze past the delusions of predestination and her monstrous self-perception to discover who she truly is. If they don’t untangle themselves from the looming webs of lies soon, they’ll spiral themselves into Hell. In the end, they relearn the only Truth they ever knew: Their unstable minds will only ever understand each other. (Bio)

Hi everyone, I'd love to get some feedback on my Query! I've reached the point where I feel like I can't tinker with it anymore and would love to know exactly what's not working or what is. In general, it's just falling flat in my opinion, so all help and criticisms are very welcome! **Query** Dear agent,  Based on your interest in XYZ, I am seeking representation for THE MOON AND THE NIGHT, a 75,000 word adult fantasy romance novel. The first in a series, this book will appeal to the high stakes environment and trials of The Serpent and The Wings of Night by Carissa Broadbent, and the romance and meddling gods of A Shadow in the Ember by Jennifer L. Armentrout. For most of her life, her sister Bria was all Selene had in the world. Not that she minded, she preferred it that way. But then Bria was gone, *murdered,* and Selene’s life became focused on one thing- the hope of getting her back. For three years, she’s been preparing for the Trials, a deadly game hosted by the god of death. The prize is ascension into the realm of the gods, but she’s hoping for something else; a chance to beg Death for her sister's soul. However in a world where being a halfbreed is considered illegal, she’ll have to magically lock away half of herself and enter as a full human among fae to compete. As the first trial begins she encounters Callum, a cocky arrogant male who claims to be one of the Trials previous winners, and strikes a deal with him. He’s willing to soften Death up to her request, and in return he asks only one thing; that she act as bait while he hunts the monsters that have been plaguing their city.  In between the struggle of surviving both the Trials and her ruthless competitors, Callum whisks her away in the night to fulfill her end of the bargain. Forced to trust him, she finds herself vulnerable in a way she hasn't allowed herself to be since the death of her sister.  Through their harrowing hunts for monsters of all shapes and sizes, she finds a man worth confiding in, and what starts as a mutually beneficial deal turns into something more. Something like love. She finds herself daring to hope that if she survives to see the end of the Trials, maybe she could get everything she's wanted; her sister raised from the dead, and the chance to truly be with Callum. Little does she know Callum is harboring secrets of his own. Secrets about Selene's true identity and her place in the world. **FIRST 300** Her gift was a unique magic; the ability to see a small glimpse of something of great importance to one’s life, which she then depicted with ink on her subject’s body. It could be anything, really. Some may be just a letter, word, or object; some were entire scenes portrayed in stunning realism. A few immediately recognized the significance, while others wondered for years before its importance became known. Fae from all over the continent came to be tattooed by Mirai.  Selene knew it was a risk to come to her. It would be a tell that she had some fae heritage, even if she was only half; Mirai’s work was too well known. But she had waited her whole life for this tattoo, and she’d be damned if she died in the Trials before getting it.  She gripped tightly to the bottom of the bed she was laid belly down on, the tattoo needle seeming to suddenly dig a little deeper into her skin.  “You trying to kill me, old woman?” she gritted out.  “And honestly, did you have to tattoo my ass?”  Mirai huffed out a laugh from where she worked behind her. “You know that the magic chooses the spot, not me. And also, stop ‘old woman-ing me’. I'm not even a century old yet.” A smile snuck over Selene's face. They’d only just met, but they had become fast friends. And Mirai was right–in fae years, she was still young, and would probably look the same for centuries. Selene was only twenty-four, and still had no idea if her fae side would pull through and grant her a long life, or if her human side would win out on that too, as it had with her magic…seeing as she didn’t have a god's damned lick of it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lhxd7y/qcrit_the_truth_of_the_marrow_adult_fantasy_99k/ https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lok3dn/qcrit_the_truth_in_the_marrow_adult_fantasy_99k/ https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lukzm3/qcrit_the_truth_of_the_marrow_adult_fantasy_99k/ https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/PL72eHO2xq Welp, I still did more rewriting than I thought I would, but I think I’m getting closer. I’m struggling a bit with comps, as I want to mention the slice-of-life elements of the story without being mistaken for ‘cozy’. I’m also toying around with the idea of labeling it as slice-of-life, although the second book in the duology is definitely more traditional adventure fantasy so I’m not sure if it’s wise to set that precedent. And I added a bit more of what Lanci does after the demon attack. But it’s hard to get too far into what else happens with the demon without getting into too much world building. I greatly appreciate everyone’s advice! I am seeking representation for THE TRUTH OF THE MARROW, the tale of a troubled recluse who learns to care about the people around her just in time for a demon apocalypse. A self-proclaimed coward in a world of warriors and warlocks, Si’Lanci Gnell only feels safe around her soup cauldron and her pet geese. Although she is gentle and polite by nature, Lanci grew up hearing her family’s harsh motto: ‘If they’re not a Gnell, they can go to hell’. And so Lanci limits her social interactions to the bare minimum required to run the family soup shop, which is plagued by its (mostly false) reputation for poisoning its patrons. Despite her best efforts to avoid her fellow humans, Lanci forms an unexpected friendship with her realm’s new magical protector. They bond over their crippling insecurities and a love of hot soup, and Lanci begins to question her family’s mean-spirited motto. For the first time in her life, Lanci decides that she wants to give up her solitary habits and build new friendships with the people in her realm. Cue the demon apocalypse. The realm is ravaged in the course of a single night by Taulslocke the Bonebark Devourer, a tree demon with an appetite for human flesh and bone. Lanci, who has never held a weapon and faints at the sight of blood, has no chance whatsoever of winning a fight with anyone, let alone Taulslocke. But, for some reason she can’t understand, the demon has a plan for Lanci. Rather than simply killing her, Taulslocke offers her an ultimatum each day: walk into his mouth, or suffer alone in an empty realm under his rapidly growing shadow.  And so, trapped in a realm with a monster who won’t let her die, Lanci defies Taulslocke in the only way she can: she cleans the empty houses left behind by Taulslocke’s victims in the hopes that they will somehow, by some miracle, return to the realm. Enraged by Lanci’s mundane acts of defiance, Taulslocke grows more and more desperate in his attempts to drive her to despair. Meanwhile, Lanci finds herself mourning strangers she barely knew. And mourning, according to Taulslocke’s wicked taunts, will inevitably lead to madness. Complete at 99K words, THE TRUTH OF THE MARROW is the first in a duology that will appeal to anyone intrigued by the idea of a slightly unhinged Disney princess starring in the plot of Little Shop of Horrors, set in a fantasy world akin to *Godkiller* by Hannah Kaner with slice-of-life elements similar to *The Spellshop* by Sarah Beth Durst. As for myself, when I am not reading and writing at my home in Pennsylvania, I can be found toiling in the grimdark fantasy world that is the US healthcare system. First 300: Prologue “Tell me, Si’Lanci Gnell. Is today the day at last? Will you finally put an end to your miserable existence and walk into my mouth?” Perhaps, in some other realm under a warmer moon, the demon’s body would have resembled his namesake. But outlined in the bitter snow squalls of Spiramoote, the hide of The Bonebark Devourer was more of a sickly pale yellow color, stained by the flesh that once held it. Bones were supposed to be white. The thought comforted Lanci, just a little bit, as she stared up at her tormentor. Nothing was whiter and more pure than her beloved snow and her beloved realm. And so, following that logic, maybe the demon tree’s bark wasn’t made of bones after all. Maybe the evil thing lied about how he built his towering body. For one sweet moment, Lanci almost allowed herself to hope. But then the demon spoke again, and his breath carried the unmistakable stench of death and rot. “Well? Will you end it today or not?” Lanci swallowed, forcing herself to speak the same words she had said to him every day since he arrived in her realm. “Good morning, Taulslocke.” The trunk of the great tree writhed and shifted. The gaping tunnel at its center, taller and wider than a doorway, began to close until the jagged bone teeth at the top and bottom met. The tree’s makeshift mouth curled into a snarl. “Do not presume to exchange pleasantries with me, insolent woman. I tire of this game.” Though the tree’s jaws remained closed and unmoving, Taulslocke’s voice still came from within. His foul breath whistled from the gaps in his fangs, and Lanci turned her nose to the side while still keeping her eyes locked on his. “My apologies, Taulslocke, but I’m afraid the answer is still no. I will not be walking into your mouth today.”

Hi guys, I decided to change the title just to not lessen my chances. I'd love feedback on it, I thought it up today before posting. It was between this one and A Dash of Death With Your Whimsy? but I like the use of the word "sometimes" in this one. I intended to post again weeks ago but I needed to prioritize my mental health, as I'm starting to get worn down by the process. I'm still grateful for all the feedback I've received so far, it's very helpful. Doing my best to weather all the revisions and keep my head in the game, while writing another book in case this one doesn't get picked up. Not sure if I need to specify what the "whimsy" is in the query, but right now I'm at 359 words, so it's tight. I also worked on the repetition in my first 300 words of the manuscript. I'm also unsure whether to call this a horror fantasy or dark fantasy. It kind of straddles the line between the two of them. It's not suspenseful horror, but there's a lot of body horror. [5th QCrit](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lt8vk5/qcrit_damned_in_dreamland_ya_dark_fantasy_88k_5th/) Dear X,   I am seeking representation for DEATH LIKES A LITTLE WHIMSY SOMETIMES, a YA dark fantasy complete at 88,000 words. *Nightbirds* meets *Gallant* in this UK-inspired, 1920s-era story where the clash between religion and magic interacts with a dark realm that reveals generational trauma. This is a standalone with series potential.   Thanks to black magic, seventeen-year-old Holly Kullarmie switched skins with a faery—and no, she didn’t get amazing powers from it. The faery skin hates her human flesh so much that it gets, well, *violent* unless she stays on hallowed ground. For the foreseeable future, she’s stuck at her uncle’s cathedral, being served a strict diet of shame and damnation.   But her uncle’s religious paranoia gets much worse when she starts courting the cathedral violinist, Kallren. As she struggles against his control, he arranges for her to be forced into the parish convent—and escape is obviously not an option. With a bleak future stretched out before her, she tries to end her life. Yet, she’s saved—by none other than the faery, who is wearing her original human skin.   The faery abducts her and Kallren to the realm of the dead and dreaming, a mass grave full of . . . whimsy, of all things. Navigating this amusing world turns into work, though—*dangerous* work—when he gives them a list of instructions to switch the skins back. Holly agrees to the tasks regardless, eager to free herself from her uncle (and secretly craving alone time with Kallren). But as they work to gain her freedom, the reason for the strange instructions becomes clear. Her uncle and the faery are on opposing sides of a conflict that’s consumed generations of her family. The instructions will force her to choose a side—and that choice determines whether she gets her human skin back. But let’s be honest; there’s no way she can go back to her life at the cathedral. Not now, not ever again.   I have a background in Asian literature and poetry. Aside from reading and writing, I enjoy collecting antiques, doing photography, and buying sparkly crystals.   Thank you for your time and consideration, X First 300 Words Chapter 1: Paints and Powders “That’s *our* skin, not yours.” Holly flinched at the strange words that pierced the silence. Cans moved and clanked on the shelf high above her. Confused, she moved away from the canvas she’d been painting and looked around the empty room, then up at the shelf. Her brush clattered to the floor. The biggest rat she’d ever seen stared back at her. Paints dribbled out of its mouth, streaming down the wood shelving and mottling the fur on its face as if it had rabies. Its eyes were flat, matte grey circles. She looked around the room again; no one else was present. Did this thing just speak? The rat’s nose twitched, then it spoke again. “You *will* return the faery skin to us.” Holly’s voice sounded small and pinched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Faery skin—was it referring to her cursed skin? The rat vomited, then spat at her. Flecks of fluid speckled her face. She scrunched up her nose and shut her eyes tight, vaguely aware of the sound of the rat moving amongst the cans— *Crack.* A paint can’s edge sliced through her scalp. Searing pain radiated throughout her skull. Liquid poured down her face. She rubbed her eyes and grasped around for a towel she had left near the canvas. Thrashing her arms around in front of her, she bumped into her easel. Then something hanging, something soft. Finally—the towel. Heart racing, Holly scrubbed the towel against her face, then looked back up at the rat, her eyes stinging. She was soaked from head to toe but could barely care about that now. It peeked its head over the top shelf, nose sniffing, whiskers twitching, then disappeared from view. Cans moved and shifted on the top shelf, the loud clanking filling the room.