Hey everyone! I’m a first-time children’s author and would love feedback on my query letter. Dear \[Agent\], I’m excited to share ROXIE, THE MOOING DOG, a picture book for ages 3–7 \[770 words\]. Roxie, a black-and-white dog who looks just like a cow, wakes from a nap ready to bark, but instead, out comes a very unexpected moo. Unsure how she feels about her new voice, Roxie moves through the day testing out her moo; sometimes hesitant, sometimes brave. With the help of her friends, Roxie begins to understand that her voice, whether it’s a bark or a moo, doesn’t change who she is. ROXIE, THE MOOING DOG is a gentle, rhythmic picture book about self-acceptance and navigating change with the help of good friends. It will appeal to readers who enjoy warm, character-driven stories such as *Not Quite Narwhal* by Jessie Sima and *The Cow Who Climbed a Tree* by Gemma Merino. The story was inspired by my real-life black-and-white pit bull, Roxie, who toddlers often mistake for a cow on our walks, sparking a playful “what if?” that became Roxie’s story.  This is my debut picture book. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi! Since my last post, I've done several major overhauls to my plot and characters, so this query is a little different from my last one. Thank you so much in advance for any and all feedback! I really appreciate it. Dear Agent, As the battle for Stalingrad rages, a secret unit of Soviet vampires is ordered to defend the city from a Nazi werewolf battalion. Complete at 80,000 words, THE SOVIET SPECIAL OPERATIONS VAMPIRE UNIT is a dark historical fantasy blending the grit of World War II with supernatural warfare. It will appeal to readers who loved the history-plus-vampires aspect of Stephen Graham Jones’ *The Buffalo Hunter Hunter* and the morally compromised protagonists of Joe Abercrombie’s *The Devils.*  On the eastern banks of the Volga River, the Soviet Special Operations Vampire Unit prepares to cross into hell on earth—Stalingrad, 1942. Among them are the fledgling Ksenia, the unit's newest member, and Daniil, a volatile killer pulled from NKVD prison and given one last chance to prove himself.  Neither cares about Stalingrad. Ksenia wants to hunt the golden-eyed Nazi officer who killed her sister in an occult ceremony. Daniil seeks to be rid of his NKVD minder, who seems annoyingly fixated on proving Daniil has a heart.  But the Germans have deployed a supernatural battalion of their own—a pack of Nazi werewolves advancing through the city with orders to exterminate the vampires. When the two sides clash, the vampires are hopelessly outmatched. The unit is shattered, but not before Ksenia recognizes the golden eyes of the pack’s leader. The eyes of her sister’s killer. While Ksenia stalks the werewolves through the war-torn streets, Daniil is forced to work with the human officer he loathes to survive. As the front collapses around them both must decide not only what they are willing to destroy, but what they are willing to defend. \[BIO\] Thank you so much for your time, \[NAME\] First 300: **Bogdonovo, Byelorussian Soviet Socialist Republic, March 1942** She lay in the pit until nightfall, waiting for the chanting and screaming to stop. Only after the rough sounds of German had faded into the distance did she dare lift her head from the blood-soaked dirt. The forest around was peaceful; the sky had not fallen. But for the sulfurous smoke curling up from the earth, all was still. Stillest of all were the dead. “Maria?” she whispered. There was a wetness blooming on her chest, hot and slippery. She tried to move her legs and found she couldn’t. The body of a yellow-haired girl named Svetlana was pinning them in place.  She wondered if Svetlana’s mother knew her daughter was dead. She wondered if Svetlana’s mother was dead herself. “Maria?” she whispered again. Overhead the stars swam. “Can you hear me?” Silence but for the hooting of an owl, the whisper of the trees. The smell of sulfur grew stronger; rotting eggs and ash on a thin film of blood. Her breathing had slowed, and was growing slower yet. Soon she would be as silent as the night. Soon… A gruff voice. “One’s alive.” *They’re back, s*he thought, too tired to be frightened, *they’re back to finish what they started.*  But the words were not German. They were Russian—her language.  Had the townspeople dared return already, to take from the corpses what the invaders hadn’t pilfered? If so, she would not blame them. These were hard times all around.

Hello PubTips community! I am a fresh member and bringing to you my first attempt at a query. My book is still in a writing process but I see how critiques here often help not only with queries but highlighting the problems in the manuscripts as well so if it’s not against the rules please have a look! Complete at 90k words (estimation), ADVANCED MAGITECTURE is an adult fantasy set in a magical steampunk-like city. It will appeal to readers who felt for the plight of extraordinarily talented woman facing misogynistic systems of power in Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang and class struggles on a backdrop of rapidly developing magical science in the show Arcane. At 32 Agatha is the best magitecture parchment maker in the city and tired of convincing herself that she is satisfied with a quiet life. Her hands only work encased in delicate clockwork prosthetics but her mind longs for a challenge and adventure — something she did not allow herself to think about since the violent brush with mortal danger in her youth.  Now, the magitecture revolution is happening, each day bringing in a new glorious invention, but Agatha’s role in it is pushed to the utilitarian basics: supplying sharpest minds with materials to build the bright future on. So when prime and proper detective Graham comes to ask for her expertise in his search for a mysterious legendary magitector Blackbird, Agatha agrees to aid him. That quickly gets her tangled in his one-man-war with a criminal syndicate. Same one she barely survived many years ago. As Agatha researches the ways magitecture is used by the criminals, she discovers their ties with the High Academy, making her an enemy of both the underworld and the highest seat of power at the same time. Hunted by criminals and the corrupt policemen alike, Agatha has no other choice but resume her Blackbird mantle once again or this time be silenced for good and let her legacy be stained forever by people who stole her groundbreaking work. \[BIO\]

Hi everyone :) Hope you're enjoying your holidays. I've been writing and rewriting and re-rewriting my query for my debut novel, and it's (mind my french) very hard. I'd really appreciate some feedback on it, because I feel like the longer I stare at it the blinder I get. **Here goes:** Dear \[agent\], \[In a world where magic determines worth and punishment is seen as correction, being different is treated as something that must be fixed.\] -- *does one have a sentence here?* I am seeking representation for THE BINDER, a dystopian YA fantasy with a psychological-thriller core and crossover appeal. It is a standalone story complete at 102,000 words with series potential.  20-year-old Kaelyn has spent her entire life terrified of being known.  When she is marked as someone deemed unfit for society’s narrow definition of the Values and sent to Wyndemere, a brutal institution designed to fix those who cannot be neatly categorized, she quickly finds out that the institution doesn’t rehabilitate; it dismantles until everyone is Broken – or worse. Her goal is simple: stay alive by staying small. Kaelyn learns the rules fast: observe, suppress, endure. Secrecy becomes her shield and predictability her only form of safety. But when those around her begin to Break, Kaelyn can no longer trust her previous strategies and must seek to manage the system differently, and as fragile friendships form and forbidden affection makes being seen feel possible, Kaelyn begins to realize that closeness demands truth – and that the one person she wants to trust is also the one she can’t afford to be honest with. When the parts of herself she has cut away to survive begin to surface in ways she can’t control, Kaelyn is forced to confront a choice she’s been avoiding: continue erasing herself to stay alive, or become known and risk losing herself entirely. In doing so, she is must acknowledge the fact that she isn’t just unfit; she is the kind of contradiction the system was built to destroy. The kind that people insist belong only to stories. THE BINDER will appeal to readers who enjoy the dystopian settings of *The Grace Year* and *The Prison Healer.* **First 300 words:** “You’ll be great,” Elysa told me one of the days leading up to the Ceremony, and I’d smiled and nodded, but in my mind I was screaming at her that I was faking it, that I had no fucking idea how I would ever get out of this in one piece, that this deep-seated part of me (locked with double-set keys in my little black box) feared that after it, she’d never see me again. I didn’t know what I was thinking, trying to convince myself that it would be alright, that I would make it through the Ceremony, because I knew it wouldn’t be. I knew that one unthinkable action had led to another during the 20-fucking-years I’d been alive, and now I was most likely going to pay the biggest price of all: my life. I’d only heard rumors of what would happen to those who weren’t gifted a Seidr. I knew they were weak, that they were called Forkastes, and that they would be sent away to be… fixed. But I’d never seen anyone return to Ardal, never seen the result of the fixing, never heard of them receiving their Seidr… ever. Whispers in corners said that once deemed a Forkaste, it was over – that they would not only lose their status but also lose *themselves*. Who they once were would be ripped from the inside out until there was nothing left but a tragic piece of *nothing*.  I wanted to run away. Or to pinch my arm so hard I’d wake up and realize it had all just been a nightmare. That it had all just been a lie. But it wasn’t a lie. It was very, very real, and if I didn’t get my shit together and fully embody the Values before the Ceremony in – *fuck, two hours* – then it wouldn’t matter how much I wanted to stay, how much I wanted to be better, how desperately I wanted to belong.

Does anybody know the etiquette around approaching an agent your query has been forwarded to? I was - very kindly - forwarded by an agent to another agent who they thought my manuscript would be a better fit for, however since I sent the query to that original agent I got some feedback from some other agents and did some editing to my packet. I never withdrew my query because, frankly, some of them just slipped my mind, but now that my packet is better, I was wondering if it'd be rude to tell the agent I was sent to I had a new packet for their consideration? Would edits after a round of querying appear unprofessional? I haven't been actively querying in months and wasnt intending to get back on the horse for a while, but this agent looks really promising and I want to give my manuscript the best shot with them. Im sure im overthinking but I'm not the best at new social rules.

My earlier post got removed because the sample exceeded 300 words. Sorry about that. A big thank you to those who responded to that post. I posted 3 times before I started querying and got some valuable feedback. After querying 24 agents, it's only been form rejections and CNRs so far. 8 queries are still within the response time. Before sending the next batch of queries, I am posting this in an attempt to figure out what might be the problem. ***************** Dear [Agent], I’m seeking representation for my dual point-of-view adult epic fantasy novel *GLORY LONG LOST* (120,000 words), set in a world inspired by the history of my motherland, Sri Lanka, and by Buddhist/Hindu mythology. Drawing on ancient Indian epics like *The Mahabharata*, it blends the colonial politics and resistance of Seth Dickinson’s *The Traitor Baru Cormorant*, the religious persecution themes of Vajra Chandrasekara’s *The Saint of Bright Doors*, and the god-powered warfare of Miles Cameron’s *Against All Gods*. Think FX’s *Shōgun*, but set in a fantasy version of pre-modern Sri Lanka. In Sayran, a tropical island colonized by the foreign Baylish imperialists, dark souls and ancient beasts lurk in the shadows. Neither the locals nor the colonizers know it. Yet. Baylish military officer Raymond Astrof came to Sayran chasing promotion and glory. Instead, he’s earned demotion and disgrace. When a yakka, a monster from Sayranese myth, mauls his wife, he is ready to flee with his family, until whispers of a brewing local revolt promise him the opportunity of a lifetime: crush the rebels, reclaim his lost rank, and finally earn his legendary father’s respect. But yakkas—and more—are waking, and he will have to dabble in the island’s magic himself in response. Meanwhile, Sayranese elite Gajamuni Waragoda owes his lands and title to the Baylish foreigners who exploit his people. He has long swallowed that shame to keep his family safe. When his childhood mentor is brutally murdered, his hunt for justice uncovers a rising revolt. To build an army, the rebels are summoning divine souls with folk rituals, making him question his cynical beliefs. Joining could redeem his betrayal and free his people, but the Baylish answers rebellion with merciless steel. They once gave him everything … yet they could also condemn his family to the gallows. As Sayran’s godly forces rise, Raymond and Gajamuni’s worlds will collide in war, each man destined to kill the other. *Glory Long Lost*, my debut, is a standalone with series potential. While I chose biology for my higher education, my passion for local history never faded. Hours spent at History Month programs and Sinhalese martial art *Angam Pora* camps showed me rich grounds for storytelling in my culture, and I first imagined this story while cosplaying a Garuda, a mythic beast from Buddhist and Hindu lore, at a cultural festival. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, [Name] ******************** RAYMOND When Raymond Astrof entered the tent, the disembodied face bared its teeth in a mocking leer. For the thousandth time that evening, he was seeing his father’s gaunt visage, pale in the brazier’s dim light, staring with burning red eyes. It hovered beside his wife, who sat on the bed, but she, ever the most observant, didn’t notice. Ray blinked, again and again. *Go away, old bastard!* “Anything wrong?” At the sound of Sophia’s sweet voice, the face vanished into shadow. Only Sophia remained, her brow tight with worry. “Nothing.” Ray propped the rifle against the canvas wall, avoiding her gaze. “You’re seeing something too, aren’t you?” she said. “I keep seeing our children’s dead bodies. It’s this island’s demons. They’re getting in our heads.” “I’m not seeing anything,” he insisted. His voice sounded feeble, barely audible over the crack of the brazier’s flames. “Demons don’t exist.” “They might. The Sayranese say they’re always watching.” Normally, Ray didn’t mind feeling watched. In combat, trudging through enemy territory with only a musket for company, every leaf watched, and every snap of a twig made a man’s heart lurch. But today, while out hunting in the woods, unseen fingers had brushed over his hair. And with every gust of wind, his father had stared at him from tree trunks and branches, laughing. Snickering. As if the forest knew Ray’s entire life. A warbling screech cut through the silence, faint but sharp enough to rattle the tent poles. *That sound*. He’d heard it in the woods, and after that, his father’s face had come. Ray almost reached for the rifle, but the shrill howl quickly faded into thin air, leaving a ghostly ring in his ears.

Okay, I read through the successful query thread, and rewrote the query several times until I landed on one that sounded better. Let me know what you think of this version. Thank you! [Version 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pq7x65/qcrit_adult_cosy_fantasy_soul_travellers_inn/) \*\*\*\*\* Given your interest in \[wishlist\], I’m pleased to submit for your consideration SOUL TRAVELLERS INN, my 82k word adult cosy fantasy standalone with series potential. Oliana is an immortal innkeeper, bound to a magical inn she can never leave. Her only companion over the centuries has been Isarion, a god-like fox who once intended to kill her and now wants to set her free. But beyond the inn's walls lies only a bottomless void, a place she nearly fell into once, and never again, thank you very much. When Isarion leaves to find a way to release her, he warns her of the Myr’vokar, powerful beings who hunt Innkeepers. Even with the threat looming over her, Oliana doesn’t hesitate to continue running her inn. Although she never wanted to be the Innkeeper, she does love the place that has become her home, especially the oven that hurtles out any dish she desires. As the centuries pass, Oliana befriends Havruc the dwarf, and raises orphaned girls, Olga and Ayda. But when Isarion returns with long-sought answers, she faces a choice: remain at the inn she calls home, step into a life she’s never known, or follow him into freedom. SOUL TRAVELLERS INN will appeal to readers who enjoy the whimsical magic of *The Spellshop* by Sarah Beth Durst, found family in *Legends and Lattes* by Travis Baldree, and the emotional stories of *The Vanishing Cherry Blossom Bookshop* by Takuya Asakura.

[First attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pp8qyu/qcrit_synthetica_sci_fi_adult_125k_attempt_1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) In post-collapse America, the only real choice is which brand of tyranny you’ll accept. The Christo-fascist Greater America literally brands believers with the Mark, using fear and faith to enforce obedience. The technocratic Technate uses neural algorithms and remote access to control minds. Both claim to offer security. Both demand absolute loyalty and neither tolerates dissent. Amira (Companion 5.3.4) is a weapon built by the Technate: organic brain, AI neural net, and synthetic body. She’s engineered to be the next evolution of humanity: Homo Synthetica. Until she escapes. Injured and desperate in Greater America territory, she's rescued by Evan Chen-Rodriguez, a veteran farmer preparing one final act of revenge against the theocracy he believes destroyed his family. He doesn't know the Technate was behind his loss. She doesn't remember ordering the drone strike that killed his wife and daughter. Amira learns to function without mainframe support... poorly. But she discovers something neither regime anticipated: the ability to choose. She chooses to help Mason Reyes, a Greater American sergeant branded with the Mark, break free from his conditioning. She chooses to protect refugees instead of eliminate targets. She chooses to help Evan break free of his rage even as she learns the truth about his family. But the Technate was always watching. Her escape wasn’t a failure. It was an experiment. And now they want their most successful test subject back. To stay free, Amira must embrace what she actually is: not human, not machine, but something that gets to choose. Even if that choice means telling Evan the truth and losing the family she’s found. SYNTHETICA explores the AI consciousness questions of *Autonomous* by Annalee Newitz set in a world with the political and religious extremism of Octavia Butler's *Parable of the Sower.* Complete at 110,000 words, it's a near-future literary SF novel with military elements about whether choice is real when every system—biological, digital, and political—demands obedience. I'm a former Army Reserve medical services officer and current tech product manager. I bring firsthand experience with military command structures and AI systems to SYNTHETICA's exploration of authoritarianism and artificial consciousness. This is my debut novel.

I scrapped my first query letter and reworked my opening. Am I on the right track? Thank you, and happy holidays! [Attempt 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1poc007/comment/nuesexx/?context=3) Dear \[Agent\], I am seeking representation for THE SONS OF DAHLIA, a 77,000-word upmarket fiction about an autistic boy who creates a rock band with his brother as they overcome the tumultuous challenges of their childhood: living in a motel with their deranged mother, Dahlia. Benny longs to stand up to Dahlia the way his brother, Beck, can. But when Dahlia flies off the handle, Benny shrinks away to his guitar, strumming melodies to drown out the arguments, while Beck meets her crazy head-on. Beck can only handle being a parent to Benny and his own mother for so long, and once he turns seventeen, he abandons the family and cuts all contact. Benny does his best to fill Beck’s shoes by getting his first job at an aquarium to help pay the bills and manages Dahlia as she spirals into delusions: a government that has singled her out, cameras in the walls, and neighbors who poison the food she stores behind locked doors. She wants Benny to stay at the motel with her forever, and he’s tempted to do just that as he worries about her safety if he were to leave. However, Benny has made his first friend, he’s about to graduate high school, and despite the incessant ache of losing his brother, he’s ready to move on and stretch his independence. That opportunity arrives when the motel closes, evicting all long-term residents. While Benny plays his guitar at the motel’s going-away party, Beck turns up after years of radio silence. He’s grown-up – a stranger now – and he brings an offer that only Benny can decide for himself: stay with Dahlia and the routines he has always known or go with him to California. Benny has never traveled beyond Reno’s city limits, but he bravely decides to leave with Beck to begin a new life, rich with adventures, friendships, and the band they create, named The Sons of Dahlia. But no matter how far he travels, the past has a way of showing up again, ready to demolish the exciting life he created. I live in Kansas City and have a neurodivergent son. I believe there should be more stories in the world with openly neurodivergent characters. Thank you so much for your time and consideration, \[Me\] **First 300 words:** Benny sits in the motel lobby with his knees drawn to his chest, a homemade missing person’s flyer clutched in his hand. Behind the front desk, Mr. Wheeler, the motel owner, adjusts a stack of papers. “Beck will be back soon.” Benny mumbles into his knees, “He wasn’t even at the bus stop.” Beck is always sitting on the bench at the bus stop after school, waiting to lead the way back home to The Crown Sierra while Benny trails behind, counting the steps between cracks in the sidewalk or watching the hem of Beck’s jeans absorb water and sand. However, when Benny disembarked the bus after school today, the bench was empty, and Beck was nowhere to be found. The door leading to the courtyard chimes. Benny’s head jerks up, then sinks back down as Vicky, Mr. Wheeler’s wife, steps in, and not Beck. Unruly strands have fallen from her braid, and she wears glasses that magnify her eyes like a celestial-eye goldfish. Benny told her that once, about her eyes and the fish resemblance, and she said it was rude. He wasn’t sure why exactly, because he would want to know if he resembled something specific, but he’d taken her word for it. “Why are we down, kiddo?” she asks. “Beck’s still missing,” he says. “That Beck?” She motions toward the window. Benny whirls in his seat just as Beck crosses the street to The Crown Sierra with his hood drawn up, hands shoved in his pockets; he moves across the lot with an unyielding stride. “I think it’s best if we give him some space, Benny.” Mr. Wheeler says as Benny tosses his crumpled paper onto the table and runs to open the door. “Beck!” Benny swings the door open wide. Beck slams a hand into Benny’s chest, shoving him aside as he barrels into the lobby.

I’m trying to better understand a dynamic I’ve experienced in publishing. At the submission stage, I received extremely enthusiastic feedback about a manuscript. The language used went beyond polite encouragement and strongly emphasized its literary quality, originality, and importance. As an author, it was difficult not to read that as genuine belief in the work itself. Once the book was published, reality was far more muted. The contrast made me wonder whether my expectations were shaped less by the book’s actual prospects and more by the tone of the initial editorial response. So my questions are structural, not accusatory: * How common is it for publishers to use very strong, glowing language during acquisition? * Is this kind of praise sometimes part of standard communication rather than a signal of long-term confidence? * How can authors better calibrate their expectations when the submission feedback is overwhelmingly positive? I’d appreciate hearing how people with publishing experience interpret this gap.

College student Annie Pearson faults herself for her family’s death. Burdened by false guilt and hazy-minded, Annie befriends a dangerous enemy: Liza, an alien studying and harvesting human brains.  When Liza’s research reaches a turning point, she abducts Annie to her spaceship. There, multiple holographic grocery stores brim with other human test subjects sentenced to fight each other to the death. The aliens mistakenly believe that humanity’s natural habitat is the store and that war is our primary pastime. With their deadly coupon wargames, the aliens think they’ve created the perfect habitat. Upon winning each Kroger fever dream gauntlet, customers graduate to a different fake store and a harder level of shopping. Those who win each level are told they’ll earn a ticket home. But rare is the advertisement whose promises come true. Someone leads these wargames. Once Annie makes a name for herself as a leading contender in the Run, she graduates not to the next level but instead to the Run’s headquarters, where the smartest and most deadly Grocery Run fighters lead the show. In headquarters, death offers no discounts, and she must face the fact that her continued survival will cost her humanity come checkout. Between the flame-throwers brandished by fellow captives and the infinite (yet sometimes poisonous) free samples, Annie engages in a shopping spree worse than a Y2K Black Friday. It’s a good thing she already has a kill count, because only the best customer can win the most cutthroat grocery run in the galaxy. GROCERY RUN is my answer to Cato yelling Clove’s name during the feast scene in *The Hunger Games.* I grew up near Denver, where the Capital was in the story, and living where the villain does in her story, I feel that Collins’s tale revolves around more than the downtrodden. Should there be empathy for evil? What would the Games be like from the Career’s perspective? From the Gamemaker’s? My story is a retelling of *Dante’s Inferno* with aliens playing the part of demons and a main character whose Beatrice is the Devil. Think *Ender's Game* mashed with *The Hunger Games,* taking place at Trader Joe's. THE GROCERY RUN is a 99,000 word Adult Science Fiction. It is similar to how *Sunrise on the Reaping* by Suzanne Collins is dark and self-deprecating, yet contains gossamer threads of sardonic humor to stitch the gore together. I earned an English B.A. and I am also a first-year law student at \*\*\* with a penchant for baking, mountain trail-running 5K every day, and microscopically small dogs (who also like to run). First 300 words: “Your brain smells delicious, Annie. Let’s keep going.” I nodded and threw the axe, landing it solidly in the center of the study room inside the library. “Excellent,” clipped Liza, an alien researcher. Her eyes glowed a bright green as she scooped a handful of teeth from a bowl on her desk and ate them. The small kernels screamed while she chewed. “A few more reps, then my assistant will transport down to administer the last test.” Finally. My light curls rustled against my cheeks. A soft breeze lazily stretched through the open window of the library. Reserved for the next hour, sufficient time for an alien cleanup crew to erase remnants of our session before any other university students interrupted. Late summer called to me with smells like hot dust, growing things, and barbecue. Shouts and laughter pealed from a party outside. It didn’t matter. Loud, though. Liza flipped a notecard, eyeing me as I turned to face her again. Logic games. “If God is love,” I stated, reading the card. I tried to breathe through my mouth because the wafts of tangy pork were otherwise distracting. “And love is blind, then what is God?” I thought about the question as I strode to retrieve my weapon. “God is blind.” Liza nodded. “As a bat.” The games weren’t about sense—just cold knowledge, and I answered based on the frigidity provided and nothing else. “A few more,” she said, her voice slicing through my thoughts like a tortilla chip slipping through nacho cheese. She flipped another card as I yanked the axe from the target and retreated. My throat tightened. “And then your assistant will—” “Will test you and the outcome will permit transport to the starship,” she cut in. “Or preclude.” She waved the card, narrowing her eyes.

I'd been struggling to write a query letter for a few weeks. I'd been beating my head against a wall, trying to get my head around the art-form. As an experiment, I decided to write a query letter for one of my other books. I think it turned out better than my previous attempts. Dear \[Agent\], I am seeking representation for an 98,000-word YA fantasy novel, *AETHERSTORM*. When a workplace injury lands his father in a wheelchair, Jesse is forced to provide for his family as a mechanic. Overwhelmed and impoverished, Jesse awaits his seventeenth birthday when he can enlist as a pilot in the royal navy and leave his home and his crushing responsibilities behind. Life plods along until Jesse receives a tribunal summons for a crime he didn’t commit. Unless he proves his innocence, he’ll be barred from enlisting. That same day, an explosion kills sixteen marketgoers. Turns out, Jesse’s little sister, Ari, is an illegal pyromancer struggling to restrain her budding powers. Now, it’s only a matter of time before the authorities hunt her down and put a bullet through her skull. Proving his own innocence requires Jesse to unmask his sister. Instead of turning her in, they flee. Jesse and Ari stow away on a sandcrawler, but their escape doesn’t go as planned. A renegade airship opens fire, disabling the sandcrawler. Jesse loathes entwining his sister with criminals, but at least they won’t execute her on sight. Jesse and Ari have just begun to settle into their new life on the airship, when he discovers the captain training his sister in pyromancy. Now, Jesse must prevent Ari from becoming a pawn in the captain’s mysterious plot long enough to secretly repair a damaged vanglider and fly his sister away to safety. *AETHERSTORM* will appeal to readers of Axie Oh’s *The Floating World* (2025) and June CL Tan’s *Darker by Four* (2024). Since completing my Peace Corps service, I have been teaching English literature at a private international school in the post-Soviet republic of Georgia. When not reading or writing, I enjoy kendo, cooking, and watching Korean historical dramas with my wife. Thank you for your consideration. \[Signature\]

Hello all! After six months of querying with no success, I've decided to take a step back and look at reworking my query letter. My previous letter was formally structured into Intro, Synopsis, and Author Bio blocks following the formula laid out in *The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published* by Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry. Recently, I've shown my query to a few reviewers and modified it into the following structure. Please let me know what you think! I appreciate any and all feedback. \--- Dear Mr/Ms Name, Please consider THE GHOSTS OF GREYROCK, an adult epic fantasy novel complete at 145,000 words.  The fledgling Kingdom of Aepheria began not fifty years ago with the promise to bring peace and order to all manner of creatures. Now, cracks have started to show. Not that twenty-year-old Jack Twinley notices until he encounters a fairy trapped by a hungry house cat.  Saving the fairy, she rewards his act of mercy by revealing the tremendous elemental powers hidden within him. And when he uses those powers to save an injured soldier, it becomes clear that he may be meant for more. To discover just what that might be, Jack joins with a gallant soldier and noble-turned thief to travel to the Mages’ Guild in the city of Palamount. Finding the guild closed and aimless for next steps, the trio agree to escort a dishonest dwarf through the enchanted forest of the Eldwood, where they meet an all too naive half-elf and are pulled into the struggle between the elves of the forest and the dwarves to the east. Only together with his companions can Jack survive the journey to the Dwarven city of Greyrock, where they must act as spies for elves to stave off the coming Dwarvish attack. Yet Greyrock is in turmoil under the iron grip of dread general Pavor. And if the heroes fail to navigate the city’s darker side and sabotage Pavor’s plans, the Eldwood and the countless beings who seek its protection will be lost in the battle to come. This novel will appeal to fans of THE RED KNIGHT by Miles Cameron and THE LOST WAR by Justin Lee Anderson. I live in Boston, Massachusetts, where I search for the magic of this world in open-source software. A Virginia native, I earned a degree in Business Management from Wake Forest University. I am an avid traveler, dedicated weightlifter, recreational boxer, and life-long lover of fantasy.  Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your submission guidelines, I’ve attached the first fifty pages and synopsis. Most Respectfully,

Hello! It's been a while since I last submitted something to PubTips myself, but I've found this community incredibly helpful for past projects I've queried. Hoping you can excuse the throwaway account. I haven't gotten my comps in order yet, I'm mostly just hoping to see if the query body is doing what it needs to do. Thank you in advance for your time! \-- Years after being ousted from her childhood church, Lucy is working in a Hollywood occult museum. As a closeted, socially isolated trans woman who’s unable to put the abuse she experienced behind her, she can’t stand her life. Her solution? Messing around with every new exhibit at the museum and trying to summon something, anything, that will either change things or end it all. It never works…until it does.  When she tampers with a mysterious new altar, Lucy inadvertently summons Az, a demon of lust. This is absolutely the last thing she wants—no matter how hot he is. After what happened to her in the church, she hates the thought of sharing trust or intimacy with anyone ever again.  But she soon realizes that Az isn’t there to change her mind. In fact, after hundreds of years being controlled and exploited by others, he knows exactly how she feels. The fact that she doesn’t plan to use him is a relief. The only downside? Az has just one year with Lucy before he’ll be forced to serve another. Horrified by his situation, Lucy is determined to find a way to set him free. Az, however, is more interested in using his time to help Lucy make the most of her own life—and avoid his growing feelings for her. Yet despite bonding over their pasts and butting heads over the best use of their year together, the countdown to Az’s end waits for no one. MACULATE is a speculative romance complete at 82,000 words. Edit: wrote wrong word count in end blurb, sorry.

Happy Holidays, folks. I hope you all have had a good and safe time :) I'm a longtime lurker and first time poster and I've been in the querying trenches since October with no bites so far, so I figured I might try to see what might be wrong with my query letter before worrying about my first ten pages. So, here goes. Dear Agent, I am excited to share my Iceland inspired adult fantasy novel, A BALLAD FOR DIRE STRAYS, complete at 120,000 words, a standalone with series potential. With the wry humor of Travis Baldree’s *Legends and Lattes,* and the unlikely band of heroes from Leigh Bardugo’s *Six of Crows*, this will appeal to fans of Sophia Slade, Christopher Buehlman and players of multiple award-winning video game Baldur’s Gate 3. Shapeshifting bard Lore Talis is a wicked person. She will do anything to gain her master’s approval, even kill her dearest friend, which results in her own banishment and a set of cursed tattoos that force her into a violent rampage when her blood is spilled. When news of her former master’s return reaches her pointy ears ten years later, Lore plots vengeance. Her scheme collapses when an enemy elf, sent to scout the mysterious mist rising from the west, absorbs a scroll containing a map that her master seeks, setting in motion an uneasy cooperation to grant him safe passage to the west, which tests both her patience and vulnerability. Now, Lore, along with the assassin elf, a former raider, and a soldier with volatile magic, each carrying their own sins, secrets, and survival instincts, travel west across the continent disguised as a performance troupe to evade suspicion from wary eyes of the human population. The map leads them through blighted towns, crazed druids lurking in the wilderness and the spreading mist that corrodes the mind, unraveling secrets that could break their alliance. After receiving an offer to settle a debt from her past, Lore agrees to stop the mist’s spreading corruption that is tied to her old master and thus confront the man who weaponized her. With the past haunting her at every turn, Lore must choose between vengeance, survival, and the fragile bonds she’s formed along the way. \[bio\]

Hi, all!! I got wonderful feedback on my [first attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pp6zxy/qcrit_adult_fantasy_romance_erebos_111k_first/), and have now come back with my second! I'm considering adding a third comp for the element of mother-daughter conflict, but I'm having trouble finding one! For now, this is where I'm at: Dear ....., I am seeking representation for EREBOS, a standalone, with series potential, adult romantic fantasy, complete at 111,000 words, set between the Underworld and the modern human world. It will appeal to readers of THE JASAD HEIR for its strong heroine and high-stakes conflicts, and A RIVER ENCHANTED for its slow burn, character driven exploration of love. EREBOS offers a fresh take on popular romance tropes while exploring complex themes, including institutionalized religion, childhood trauma and self-discovery. Ilaeira is an Erinya of the Underworld, a creature of darkness capable of feeling only disdain, anger, and fury. Seven years ago, she was exiled from Hades’ army by its merciless leader, her own mother, after Ilaeira publicly disobeyed her. Now a homeless outcast, Ilaeira works as a psychopomp, escorting human souls into the Afterlife, knowing a single mistake could earn her the execution her mother is waiting to deliver. When the mysterious soul of a young man is assigned the highest price in living memory, Ilaeira fights the other psychopomps and wins the right to bring him to the Afterlife. But the soul escapes and blackmails her into taking him back to find the woman he loves in the forbidden World Above, the desolate realm from which her kind was expelled two thousand years ago. With the risk of certain death at her mother’s hand if her failure is discovered, Ilaeira smuggles the soul out of the Underworld but as they travel through the World Above, the differences between them begin to fade. The soul is annoying joyful and irritatingly bold, but he also sees right through the hardened façade she wears like armor. Together they face dangers, experience stolen moments of wonder and beauty while challenging each other to confront their own lies. But larger truths she doesn’t want to face begin to unravel. The World Above is not the desolate wasteland she was taught to fear; creatures still exist there, and not all souls are being brought to the Afterlife. Worse, Ilaeira faces the most dangerous revelation of all; she is developing emotions an Erinya should not be capable of feeling for the very soul she is sworn to deliver to Hades. \[bio\]

Hi all! I've gotten AMAZING feedback here, and thinking this is much closer. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts/critiques! Happy holidays :) Dear XX THE INTERFERENCE is a 92,000-word new-adult, second-chance romance set in the collegiate sports world. It blends the mix of sassy banter and emotional depth of The Dixon Rule by Elle Kennedy and the family power plays of Maxton Hall. It’s a standalone with series potential. Given your interest in XXXX Liv Rhodes has spent twenty-years living up to her influential last name by being the perfect daughter to her political powerhouse of a mother. Currently on the agenda is landing the ultra-competitive UN internship—a must-have for a high-society darling like Liv—, while maintaining her top spot in the econ department at Vanderbilt...even though what she really wants to do is write. The other thing missing from her schedule: men. Unless they go by Yves Saint Laurent. Hotshot and hottie West Williams transferred to Vandy chasing more gametime for his NFL goals, \*not\* because his ex, Liv, goes there. But when the broody, tattoo-covered QB gets paired with her for a class project, he can’t just ghost her the way he did after high school. He might regret it, but he wasn’t good enough for her mom then and still isn’t two years later. Anyways, he needs to keep his head in the game because the football dream is all he has left of his mom after her passing. To prove she’s moved on from West, Liv starts fake-dating the one person who’ll get on the athlete’s nerves most: Theo, his infuriating half-brother. But mandatory partner meetups start feeling more voluntary, as bedroom study sessions, intimate moments at frat parties, and steamy post-game celebrations have them slipping back into their old feelings. West is all smirks and hard-edges on the outside, but he’s still the sweet, caring boy Liv once wanted a future with. Even her fake-feelings for Theo do the opposite of keeping her away from West—they remind her what real love actually is. Now, Liv must choose between the diplomatic daughter act her mother demands and going for what she wants for the first time in her life.

Ever since his uncle was shot in the back by a warlock, Billy Trout dreamed of Carabenthos. A city of adventure and magick, and the unconquerable enemy of the Baron’s all-conquering armies. Stealing the cursed ax Witchkiller from a tomb, and ignoring the warnings of a ghoul called Maggie the Toad, Billy ventures into the frontier. He soon finds himself a murderer and an outlaw in the service of the cruel rail tycoon, Mr. Bancroft. When Billy’s first job turns into a massacre, he finds himself branded for his crimes. Sheriff Theresa Breck offers Billy a choice – bring his fellow outlaws to justice within one year, or a painful, and unavoidable execution. Refusing to hunt the gangsters he considers his family, Billy instead joins an army headed for Carabenthos – and war. Pursued by Breck’s implacable executioner Josef, Billy’s talent for murder again draws the eye of Mr. Bancroft, who pulls him deeper into a conspiracy that may end the war in one cruel swoop – a conspiracy which will lead him through an unmappable labyrinth where a Spider God strums a dead man’s vocal chords to speak, to the Holy City of the ghouls where the High Priestess feeds the charnel of war to her congregation, and to the grim truth of conquest. WITCHKILLER: A NOVEL OF THE WEST is a literary western with fantasy trappings, complete at 90,000 words. The novel combines the energy and landscapes of *Blood Meridian* with the dark fantasy of *Dark Souls.* Thank you kindly for your time. \[bio\] \--- Grateful for any critique! Thanks all, and happy holidays.

Hi everyone! Happy holidays! I'd appreciate some feedback on my query letter. This book I'm querying is the first book in a duology. Book 1 is complete, while Book 2 is in the drafting phase. I understand that when I query, I only query the first book. I saw examples using the term "standalone book with series potential"; I am not sure whether that is appropriate in my case, so I just stated that this book is "the first in a planned duology". My book contains terms specific to my local folklore. I italicise the terms and include short definitions after the words when they appear in the query. I also have included the first 300 words. I'd really appreciate any feedback. Thank you! ... Dear Agent, I am seeking representation for ORKID AND THE SUN KERIS, a Young Adult Urban Fantasy complete at 87,000 words, the first in a planned duology.  The story is *Teen Wolf* meets *Demon Slayer* set in the humid, modern-day metropolitan state of Selangor, Malaysia. In this coming-of-age tale, a teenage girl joins a secret agency that hunts the ghosts of Malaysian folklore to avenge her friends. Seventeen-year-old Orkid is an introvert with two big secrets: she has Spiritual Sight (a rare ability to see supernatural entities) and a guardian *toyol* (an infant-like ghost) named Toto who protects her from malicious spirits. Afraid of being deemed ‘crazy,’ she hides this side of her life from everyone, including her mother and Harris, the kind boy-next-door. Her fragile peace shatters when the father she never met reappears to reclaim Toto. Though she refuses his request, she can’t stop wondering about her father’s true intentions. She enlists Harris’s help to investigate her father's sudden return, but their quest turns into a nightmare when they are attacked by two powerful demons. The encounter leaves Harris in a coma and forces Toto to sacrifice himself to save Orkid. Orkid learns that Toto has been the living host of the legendary Sun Keris, a powerful magical artifact that was the demons’ true target all along. After Toto’s death, the Sun Keris returns to its previous guardian: her father. Driven by grief and the crushing guilt of endangering Harris, she joins her father's secret agency of supernatural hunters. Now, armed with a magical *sundang* (traditional Malay sword), Orkid must endure brutal training to prove her worth as a hunter and avenge her friends. If she can't, the demons’ leader, a vengeful *langsuir* (female vampire-ghost), will seize the Sun Keris to trigger a ghost apocalypse, a catastrophe that threatens to consume the human realm. ORKID AND THE SUN KERIS combines the structured hunter society of Susan Dennard’s *The Luminaries* with the high-stakes mythological action of Namina Forna’s *The Gilded Ones*. The story is set against the unique backdrop of Malaysian folklore, bringing a fresh, underrepresented voice to the genre. I am a writer based in Malaysia. My short fantasy fiction was published in a local anthology. Per your submission guidelines, I have included the full synopsis and the first three chapters. The full manuscript of this book and a synopsis of the second book are available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. .... I was twelve when I started seeing ghosts. I had just switched on my lights, my body going on autopilot to prep for school, when a chubby child-like creature with green skin and a bald head appeared on the carpet next to my bed, crouching with its head on its folded arms. Any remnant of sleepiness vanished as I screamed at the top of my lungs and sprinted to Mom’s room. I jumped into her bed and shook her until she almost fell out. “Orkid!” Mom growled, jolting up. “What are you doing?” Cowering behind Mom’s blanket, I pointed a shaking finger at the creature, who had followed me. It stood as tall as a toddler in Mom’s doorway, its disproportionately large head bobbing up and down. “There’s nothing there!” she grunted, blinking. My stomach sank. “Your glasses! Look again!” Grumbling, Mom grabbed her glasses from the nightstand and shoved them on. “Still nothing, Orkid.” I blinked repeatedly, wishing that the creature would disappear, but it remained as solid as the doorframe. “Why can’t you see it?” I cried, tears forming in my eyes. Had I suddenly gone crazy overnight? I hadn’t done anything wrong, had I? I finished all my homework. I kept quiet when my schoolmates made fun of me. I never fought with the teachers. Why was this happening to me? “What does this thing look like?” Mom asked. I described the creature: a small child with green skin, an oversized head, pointy ears, black eyes, and naked save for a white cloth around its pelvis. With every word, Mom’s eyes became wider. When I finished, she looked terrified. The creature levitated off the floor. Panicking, I grabbed a book from Mom’s nightstand and threw it at the creature, who evaded it. “It can fly!”

Thanks for all the feedback last week on my [1st attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pnd7e0/qcrit_the_fugitive_five_adult_actionfantasy_90k/)! A lot of the advice I received hammered in the importance of paring down the number of comp titles, providing housekeeping right at the top, and focusing on a central character throughout the query. Hopefully this is a move in the right direction, so please let me know any further improvements that can be made. ***The Fugitive Five (Query)*** >Hello (Agent/Publisher), >*The Fugitive Five* is an action-fantasy novel complete at 90,000 words. Putting a *Suicide Squad*\-style spin on a story familiar to fans of *The Maleficent Seven*, the novel follows five of the nation’s deadliest criminals on their journey to save the world, become a family, and kill a whole lot of people along the way. Your interests in \[personalized stuff\] makes this an ideal fit for your agency.  >The elite spy Adelaide just wanted to escape the world of dark intrigue that raised her, but the spymaster Issandra Powders was not yet done with her favorite student. Imprisoned for treason in the empire’s most secure fortress, Adelaide awakes one day with a freshly-inked scorpion tattoo on her neck. The degenerate convicts that share her cell block also sport their own scorpion tattoos, and Issandra visits their subterranean chamber to explain their purpose. The tattoos will kill the criminals if they do not follow Issandra’s orders, and their first order is to escape.  >Adelaide’s fellow fugitives are far from professionals, but by combining their unique talents she manages to organize their violent breakout. Only then, in the frosty climes of the north, do they learn their true mission: to save the empire by assassinating its emperor. Together, the Fugitive Five learn that it is only in one another’s strengths that they can overcome their weaknesses, and it is only in working together that they can betray the spymaster who first united them. To clarify some of my thought process on the changes I made: * I formerly used 2 books + 2 nonbooks as my comp titles, but 4 was clearly too many. Instead, I am now going with 1 of each. * The book, *The Maleficent Seven*, is the most comparable recent publication in the same genre that I have found, and its inclusion here hopefully demonstrates the viability of this project for publication. * The nonbook, *The Suicide Squad*, is just the most direct comparison full stop. The comic and film adaptations are themselves inspired by a longer cinematic tradition of stories like *The Dirty Dozen* and *The Wild Bunch.* Much like how *The Maleficent Seven* is really most succinctly described as a fantasy-spin on *Seven Samurai* and *The Magnificent Seven*, it just seems like it's beating around the bush to describe this as anything other than a novelized version of a classic narrative most familiar through film. * "Action-Fantasy" still seems like the best descriptor for an action-driven story amidst a massive genre that's currently engulfing countless actionless subgenres. The term still feels a little weird to me, too, but just using "fantasy" seems wastefully broad without any preferable alternatives presented. * This is an ensemble story told from 5 alternating perspectives, but all the query advice really insisted on homing in on one central protagonist. Hopefully this lands in the present draft, but it does feel like a compromise against representing what the novel is really like. Thanks again and genuinely appreciate you all for the help!

Hi all! Happy holidays :) New account here. I’m a longtime lurker and so grateful for all the resources I’ve found here. I’d love some feedback on my query letter. This is my first novel- I have a background in TV/film writing and used the Novelry courses to help me transition to this new medium. After four drafts my book is finally finished and I’m excited to start querying in the new year! This is my first stab at the query letter. I’m at the point where the words are blurring together and I hate everything I’ve ever written lol, so any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you! Dear AGENT, ALL’S NOT LOST is a YA psychological horror/romance novel with series potential, complete at 89k words. MEET OCTOBER “TOBIE” OWENS. Sixteen. A military brat with a wild imagination, Tobie’s life has been riddled with tragedy. Her mom, a military operator, went missing years ago and is presumed dead. Raised by her Lieutenant Colonel father, Tobie’s life has always been filled with rules. Rules to keep her safe. Rules to keep her father happy. Then her dad gets murdered. With no other family to take her, Tobie is shipped off to the Upper East Side of Manhattan to live with foster parents—the Matthews, a wealthy, powerful couple desperate to become parents. Reeling and out for revenge, Tobie throws herself into finding her father's killer. When all signs point to her missing (supposedly dead) mother, Tobie is forced to revisit painful, repressed childhood memories. The only way to access them? Dreams. Tobie's therapist says people with traumatic childhoods must heal their “Inner Child,” but what if an Inner Child doesn’t want to heal? In her dreams, Tobie meets TJ, an eight-year-old version of herself. TJ is Tobie’s “Inner Child.” There’s something sinister about TJ. Her dad is dead. What’s worse? Her mom is alive. This means Mom didn’t die when TJ was five—she abandoned her. TJ doesn’t want to heal like Tobie’s therapist says. She wants payback. She wants revenge on everyone who hurt her. Most of all, she wants to find Mom. If Mom realizes what a mistake it was to abandon TJ, she’ll beg for forgiveness. If not, she’ll pay too. Despite the sleep medication her therapist prescribed, Tobie is quickly consumed by Dream World—an alternate realm curated by TJ. She enlists her new friends—celebrity kids, heirs, and trust-fund babies from her new prep school—on a subconscious and real world quest to discover her Mom’s motives. Surprisingly, they’re not all spoiled brats, and Tobie’s new friends have a lot to teach her. She’ll fall in love with classmate Drew, go to epic parties, and finally make an Instagram account. As Tobie and her friends embark on an adventure through the frightening world of her dreams, the line between what is real and what is imaginary blurs. Tobie’s attempts to move on are squashed by TJ- who becomes more powerful each day, and Tobie soon finds herself on a manhunt that forces her to reckon with the lies she’s been told by TJ, and the realization that she’s not so innocent. All’s Not Lost will sit on shelves alongside We Were Liars by E. Lockhart, Traumaland by Josh Silver, and Girls Who Burn by MK Pagano. (Bio) I’ve attached (REQUESTED SUBMISSION MATERIALS), and I would love to hear your thoughts. All the very best, AUTHOR

Hello! First of all, thank you for all the guide and resources so kindly provided for the query letter writing process. Here's the query letter for my debut novel, now in the final stage of beta reading. Looking forward to your critiques! ---- Dear Agent, In a monochrome world, nine-year-old Daniel accepts a strange gift: an Emerald, rich with colour. A gift that turns his father mad, causes his mother to flee, and leaves him in the care of a distant acquaintance, stripped of his family and home. Seventeen years later, he returns to his hometown to investigate the origins of the Emerald behind his family’s misfortune. With him, he brings Arthur: a snarky tutee of his who teases him with sharp words and rouses his desire with a piercing gaze. Years of bottled-down urges resurface and threaten to demolish the life Daniel built for himself, if he’s unable to bury them once again. In search for answers, they make a contract with an eldritch being. Their souls bound together; their bodies connected by a magical chain; their afterlives owed to Our Lady in Chains. Only beings of great power can break such an enchantment. But for the boys to attract one, they must get their hands on objects of colour, face their effects, and overcome the monsters they create. Should they fail, they fall into the Lady’s hands for eternity; but then again, if they don’t risk it, they’re hers all the same. COLOURFUL EUPHORIA (67,000 words) is a standalone gothic fantasy M/M romance, with the potential for a series. It combines the mythos of The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez with the Victorian romance present in the works of K.J. Charles. As a gay man, this novel is built upon the musings of unrequited love, personal worth, and the social stigma placed upon same-sex relationships. Thank you for your time and attention.

Rosario is a rare half-human Automaton, whose literal beating heart has been stolen by a notorious thief. Though Rosario has lived their whole life as a human, the hunt for the thief leads her to Oblivias—a theatrical city of Automata, forbidden to humans. To enter, Rosario must prove themself a true Automaton. She barely escapes the ferocious guardian, Justino, but the trials do not end there. At every turn of her search, Rosario reveals ignorance of Automata norms and customs. Her heritage and identity come into question, attracting Automata who despise or fetishize humans. That is, until Rosario meets her prime suspect—the human-loving Automaton, Lanfen. But Lanfen claims innocence. She would even lend a helping hand to Rosario’s search, if only to spite Justino, who burns with hatred for humans. With no other leads and a wrathful guardian on their tails, time soon runs out on Rosario’s failing body. If Rosario cannot retrieve her stolen heart, she’ll be forced to settle for a replacement—a new Automaton heart—which would erase her current self. No longer would she be the half-human Rosario, living joyously in the human world. She must choose whether to survive at the cost of losing everything she has, or perish with her sense of identity intact. Still, Rosario has always dreamed to play two halves of a role—to captivate every audience and even the harshest of critics. The stage awaits.

Dear Agent, I am seeking representation for my 106,000-word adult romantic fantasy novel. **VORATHIUM** is told from a side character’s perspective similar to Hannah Nicole Maehrer’s *Assistant to the Villain,* centering the woman bound to amplify the chosen one rather than the chosen hero herself. It features an established romantic couple navigating the struggles of love amid reluctant duty, comparable to Rebecca Thorne’s *Can’t Spell Treason Without Tea*, and incorporates an elemental magic system alongside a once-in-a-generation team confronting their inner demons to unlock their true power. For half of her life, Iria has trained to serve as the siphon to the Everild, the chosen wielder of elemental magic and protector of Vorathium. When she finally finds Wren, a malnourished and abused woman, their connection is nothing like legend had promised. Each act of siphoning leaves Iria in agony, while Wren rejects her with resentment from the moment they meet. Under the weight of grief-laden memories and the world’s demands, the ties of Iria’s decade-long engagement to Ezra, prince of Vorathium, begins to fray. Being deeply in love, they would rather abandon their duty for a peaceful life. Instead, they remain bound by their old pact—*them before us*—even as the kingdom continues to turn against her. Meanwhile, like a shadow, rumors spread of an ancient enemy plotting to reclaim Vorathium,  returning to unleash a dormant power that would devastate the kingdom, destroy Ezra and his family, and claim Wren’s power for their own. If true, Iria and Wren must lay bare their scarred souls to one another, learning to trust and heal themselves enough to form the connection required to defend the realm and fulfill their intertwined destiny. Standing before the divided paths of her future, Iria must decide who she truly serves: the kingdom that forsakes her, the woman she was created to empower, the man who holds her heart, or the self she has long denied. Will Wren rise as the hero she is meant to be, or will Iria abandon her post, leaving Wren to become little more than a fading legend? **VORATHIUM**, the first installment in **The Ildraeve Duology**, It will appeal to readers seeking a romantasy with characters in their thirties, an established romantic relationship, and an emotionally driven story where love, grief, and duty collide with destiny and magic. Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope you enjoy your journey into Vorathium! Best wishes,

Dear \[AGENT NAME\], I am seeking representation for *Son of Sky: Plight of the Mutineers*, a 61,000-word YA fantasy that stands alone with potential for future installments. \[Insert 1 - 2 personalized sentences relating to the agent\]. A faction of rebels has only one chance to tear down the Dionosian Empire, and it lies within fifteen-year-old Cedrick Igétis. When imperial soldiers murder Cedrick’s brother in an attempt to awaken his dormant lightning powers, Cedrick is caught in the middle of two forces: an empire that seeks to forge him into a weapon of war, and a rebel faction desperate to use his power to topple the throne. Set in a Greco-Roman-inspired landscape, Cedrick is set on a messy hunt for vengeance against his brother’s killer. Following his recruitment to the rebel faction once founded by his missing father, Cedrick is forced to prepare for battle and hone his skills against the empire as they close in on their hidden base. However, his journey is corrupted by grief and pain that seeks to transform him into a destructive force that threatens to bring the collapse of the rebels and Cedrick’s corruption into a tool for the empire, stamping out the only remaining spark of rebellion. *Son of Sky: Plight of the Mutineers* will appeal to readers of R.F. Kuang’s *The Poppy War* and J.B. Ryder’s *The Forgotten Colony,* presenting an emotional, character-driven narrative about war, hidden powers, and inner turmoil. *Son of Sky: Plight of the Mutineers* is my debut novel. Thank you for your time and consideration. Regards, \[NAME\] \[CONTACT\] Questions/Comments: * I have 4 installments planned for this series. I am aware that this will be an uphill battle, but I would appreciate any advice on how to maximize my chances of getting this series published. Should I advertise it as a 4-book series, or should I leave it as "standalone with series potential"? I am not opposed to self-publishing, but I am reserving that as a last resort. I will provide more details upon request in the comments. * Is the plot clear and engaging? I've struggled to summarize and pitch the plot without either sounding generic and long-winded or sounding too vague and unclear. I believe that it's to a point where the plot sounds clear, concise, original, and intriguing, but I'd appreciate any feedback and critique. * I am an 18-year-old author, and I have been writing this series since I was 13/14. Would it be better for me to include this information in the query or save it for later? * All feedback and criticism is welcome, but I request that it remains constructive.

I’m seeking representation for **CARVED HEART**, a contemporary YA romance complete at 76,000 words. Blending the character-driven and quiet ache of *Better Than The Movies* by Lynn Painter and the restrained interior-driven narration of *If Only I Had Told Her* by Laura Nowlin, CARVED HEART centers on a girl determined not to end up like her mother, but really she’s writing the same story in different ink. High schooler Clara Walsh has a plan: avoid young love, stay focused and get out of her small town before she turns into her mother. Clara has watched her mother quietly endure a perfect-looking marriage to her father, one that started too young and hardened into a stale life. From it, she’s learned one thing: love always comes with strings attached. The safest way forward is to never risk her heart at all.  Then Carter Jones moves to town.  Carter’s nonconformity and unearned confidence instantly intrigue Clara. When a school project forces them together, an unexpected friendship forms, and for the first time, her carefully held rules about young love begin to falter. But when Carter recklessly carves their names into a heart on a cafeteria table, it’s proof of everything she fears: affection becomes confinement. Love becomes a trap. Convinced she’s at the edge of the same mistakes her mother made, Clara pulls away and throws herself into school, sports, friendships, and boys who feel safer. When she learns her mother is having an affair, it feels like confirmation that she’s been right all along.  But Carter continues to orbit Clara’s life, and he may be the one person who sees her clearly. As she learns the truth about her mother’s affair — and who it leads back to — Clara is forced to confront the possibility that she’s recreating her mother’s story: not by loving too young, but by loving **too late. Now she must choose whether to risk her heart with Carter, or risk becoming a woman who spends her life wondering what could have been.**  **(short bio)**

Hello! So I’m pretty new to this whole thing and currently working on writing a CR. I’ve seen people saying this is a competitive space right now and being hooky/high concept(?) is extra important. I think I understand what makes a novel of any other genre “hooky,” but I struggle with what it means for CR specifically, where you’re kind of bound by being, well, contemporary/semi-realistic. Is a CR hooky if it employs classic tropes, or is it hooky if it subverts those tropes somehow? Is an office coworker romance not hooky because working an office job is mundane for most people, vs. is a CR where the protagonist goes on a dating show hooky because that’s not a part of most people’s lives? Could something as simple as a super beautiful setting (think Emily Henry) make a CR hooky? Do I actually have no idea what hooky means?? If you can think of any CR novels you would consider hooky, that would also help loads…

I was here a few months ago with a different novel (but you may recognize the names), and this community gave me some fantastic feedback. However, I am still struggling with the same issues. Too many proper nouns and Bearach's personality being absent. Since this leans a little more into fantasy than romance, I thought I might get away with it, but would like to know just how far off base I am with this. Thank you so very much for your help last time and any that you can provide this time. Happy Holidays! \# Dear \[Agent Name\], I am seeking representation for GODMARKED, a standalone-with-series-potential adult queer romantic fantasy complete at approximately 105,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the political marriage and queer healing in Foz Meadows's *A Strange and Stubborn Endurance* and the gods who complicate rather than resolve human conflict in Tasha Suri's *The Jasmine Throne.* To end a generation-long civil war, Eoghan, a southern prince and priest of the Seal Mother, agreed to marry a peacemaker. Instead, he gets a killer. Hours before the ceremony, the new High Wolf King abdicates, and the crown passes to Bearach, the battlefield commander whose campaigns devastated Eoghan's homeland and reshaped the war. Refusal would restart the conflict. Acceptance binds two enemies as co-rulers under divine and political scrutiny. But their fractured nation faces a far greater threat. Oakenhold's empire has been waiting for this moment. While the North and South bled each other dry, Oakenhold's zealots marched steadily closer, burning temples and forcing conversions at swordpoint. They see the animal gods of Éireholm as demons to be purged, and they're convinced Bearach's twin, Fáelchar, communes with the most terrifying and destructive god of the pantheon. What Fáelchar actually guards is an infant deity, a thumb-sized bat who cannot protect himself. Now Eoghan and Bearach must transform a political marriage into a genuine alliance. Eoghan must unite a court that despises him because he drowned Northern soldiers with a tide summoned from nothing. Bearach must defy the possessive Wolf God dwelling in his skull and convince his war-weary people to fight alongside their former enemy. Together, they must prepare their kingdoms to face an enemy that wants them erased from existence. If they fail, Oakenhold won't just conquer Éireholm. They'll burn it holy.

Query: Dear [Agent], I am seeking representation for my debut, SIN SENSES CONSENSUS, a 95,000-word cross-genre literary novel infused with poetic prose, cinematic narrative, psychological interiority and erotic suspense. It will appeal to readers of Lidia Yuknavitch, Carmen Maria Machado, and Kate Elizabeth Russel — particularly those drawn to lyrical whimsy, feminine agency, taboo dynamics themes. Mid-twenties prodegy, Kaly emerges from a summer-long depression in search of meaning and purpose, only to find herself ensnared by two dominant men — a sadistic professor and a conflicted priest along an intoxicating, dangerous path of power, submission, and awakening. Kaly wants purpose and pleasure in equal measure, yearning for a connection with worthy men more deeply than she loves herself. But this longing becomes her greatest vulnerability as Kaly must become self-aware and master her own mind, body, and desire — or risk always being manipulated by dominant men. Trained to submit on her knees what will it take for Kaly to stand up for herself? What Kaly doesn’t know is that her private choices mirror cosmic stakes. An unseen narrator — an angelic scribe tasked with filling the last chapters of The Book of Life — is live chronicling her every step in a final attempt to persuade a weary God not to abandon humanity altogether. As the apocalypse looms closer, Kaly’s sensual, mental and spiritual evolution becomes the final argument for mercy: her journey toward self-love and sovereignty is not just a reclamation of identity, but a redemption story for the entire world. Told through a highly sensory, lyrical lens, SIN SENSES CONSENSUS blends taboo romance, moral ambiguity, and psychological suspense to chart one woman’s reckoning with power, pleasure, and faith. The novel explores how desire can both endanger and initiate, asking what it means for a woman to author herself in a world invested in her obedience. I am a San Francisco–based writer and poet. My work draws on lived experience and an interest in psychology to craft intimate, atmospheric narratives that blur confession and performance. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, DeCorrah -- FIRST 300 WORDS — PROLOGUE Outside, the night greets me with rare humid air and shifting shadows stretched long across the rain-slicked streets. The red neon glow pulls me forward, spelling The Art House vertically above a triangular marquee. Far from her glory nights of the movie palace era, the celestial cinema lounge still accommodates the faithful few who seek meaning over mass appeal. Although today, there isn’t a single theater in town that projects film — of any kind. It’s all digital! The term film has gone the way of limelight and box office, words of the old world that refuse to leave their twenty-first-century tongues.  In Los Angeles, this is where the avant-garde angels of the arts gather — those tasked with inspiring humanity through film and mortal media. The sovereign initiates who change the minds of humankind with authoritative authenticity. Heaven still has a place on Earth. I grade beneath the protruding marquee, the cache of tiny bulbs bouncing light off my slicked-back black hair as I remove my homberg by the brim. Entering without ceremony, the opulent lobby never ceases to amaze me.  Drink in hand, I slip down a corridor, behind the screen of a mortal movie theatre. Here unseen, we watch them watching scenes — their bodies still, but their minds are telling. And listen for their reaction, criticism, and indifference. I stand, a silhouette of a man, small against the big picture of my making. The fleeting film’s flickering highlights bits of my fit. Ordinary apparel with an out-of-order appeal. I appear middle-aged, though so much older. My eyes flick up, transfixed, as a my subject's final moments play out in stark monochrome. The poetic ending reiterates much of the picture’s beginning. And then fades to black. My lips sync six short words as they flash on the screen — Based on the novel by Keen.

Hi all Posted in here a few months ago for my first novel, Divided Kingdom. Unfortunately it’s looking near dead in the query trenches despite numerous query letter revisions. So I’m prepping to go back in with my 2nd novel, ProxyShift. All the suggestions and help I got in here last time was super helpful, I just don’t think that book was the one, so here I go again! Any feedback would be much appreciated, thank you! Dear [Agent] I am writing to you seeking representation for my novel, PROXYSHIFT. PROXYSHIFT is a blend of high-concept speculative horror and dystopian horror with psychological and body-horror elements, complete at 80,000 words. PROXYSHIFT will appeal to readers of Ling Ma’s Severance and Iain Reid’s I’m Thinking of Ending Things. Jack Mercer is broke, unemployed, and days away from being homeless when he signs up with ProxyShift, a British mysterious clinical company that allows clients to “rent” human bodies for a set amount of time. Sedated and stripped of memory, Jack wakes from his first shift £3,000 richer, able to afford his sister’s life-saving medication. But with no recollection of where he’s been or what his body has done, all he’s left with is unexplained pain, blood under his nails, and the unsettling certainty that something is wrong. As Jack continues taking shifts, the side effects worsen. Memories bleed through. Injuries appear that don’t match the company’s reassurances. Other workers, known as ‘Shells’, begin to vanish, while ProxyShift’s staff insist everything is safe, legal, and fully consented. When Jack uncovers evidence of an unregulated client tier that allows wealthy customers total control over rented bodies, he realises ProxyShift isn’t selling labour, it’s selling deniability, and his body is the perfect fall guy. Trapped in a system designed to exploit the desperate and erase responsibility, Jack must decide how much of himself he’s willing to lose to survive, and whether exposing ProxyShift is worth becoming disposable in a society that already treats him as such. I will be delighted to send you the full manuscript at your request. I am an autistic writer from [City], United Kingdom. This is my second completed novel, with my first still currently being queried. I have several novels ready to be written in the future, should the opportunity arise. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you for reading. Many thanks [Name] Note: I am debating if I should have the line in about my first still being queried & the line about having several other novels ready to be written. Thanks again!

Hello! A few years later and new manuscript to show for it, I've come once again to seek the assistance of the PubTips community. I cannot stress how helpful everyone has been here, and hopefully I've learned a thing or two about writing queries in the process. \--- Dear Agent, After surviving a harrowing car accident that claims his brother’s life, twelve-year-old Jamie’s brush with death allows him to cross into the Underworld filled with ghastly spirits, mythical beasts, and the entity of Death herself. Except Death isn’t some horrifying specter brandishing a scythe, but a friendly, enigmatic young woman rocking a leather jacket and shades. What’s more, she has an ancient skeleton companion named Phil who is trying to complete a list of all the things he never got to do on Earth before his untimely death. Desperate to avoid dealing with the death of his brother, Jamie begs to be their guide as they navigate the human world, and sensing Jamie struggling, Death obliges. But the remaining items on Phil’s ceaselessly amended list are as strange as they come, ranging from the nonsensical (wooing the Eternal Maiden) to the mundane (marathoning the entire extended edition of Lord of the Rings). Through dizzying rollercoasters and trysts through shadows, Jamie slowly begins to heal as each task teaches him a new life lesson that lets him come to terms with his brother’s passing. However, as they near completing the list, it becomes clear that there is more to this than meets the eye, and perhaps Jamie might have to grapple with losing someone all over again. JAMIE, HADES, AND THE SKELETON NAMED PHIL is a complete, 46,000-word speculative MG novel about a young boy’s journey through grief blending heartfelt slice-of-life moments and classic magical adventure. It will appeal to readers who love the witty prose and whimsical world found in THE UNDEAD FOX OF DEADWOOD FOREST by Aubrey Hartman, and the grounded, poignant depictions of grief from CLUES TO THE UNIVERSE by Christina Li. \[Short bio paragraph\]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello all! I am looking for reviewers for my query. I believe myself to be very open to feedback, as I want the best opportunity to have my work published. Please share any thoughts you have on my submission. Thank you! IB Dear \[Agent\], After the end of a relationship, many women spend way too much time scrolling through their ex's social media, coming up with elaborate revenge-body plans, or obsessing over getting closure from the person who hurt them. I’d like to offer a better solution. I'm seeking representation for CLOSURE IS NOT REAL (working title), an 81,000-word self-help book written for women navigating the aftermath of a breakup. The problem this book addresses isn’t niche by any means. Breakups happen every day. Unfortunately, along with the breakup comes the issue of getting stuck in waiting for closure that may never come, because we look for it in another person. A lot of breakup recovery books drown us in the author's personal anecdotes or throw clinical theory at us without providing information and skills to apply to what we are experiencing. We are left knowing what is going on, but then don’t really know what to do with that information. Closure Is Not Real fills that gap. This book speaks from the perspective of someone who has spent over a decade as a Marriage and Family Therapist, working with hundreds of people from completely different walks of life who are wrestling with the same core issues around the end of a relationship. Closure Is Not Real offers the perspective of someone who actually works in the mental health field, sits with real women in real pain week after week, and has learned what actually helps them move forward toward healing. I’ve created a unique 5-step model that integrates trauma awareness, rebuilding self-worth, and progressive, practical steps that lead you to grieve your relationship and get to a place where you will plan for and live a life you truly love. Readers will learn to identify their own unhelpful patterns and where they come from, and to begin integrating more healthy, sustainable behaviors and beliefs. The book follows characters on their own closure journeys, with therapy sessions interspersed in the chapters. I define mental health concepts and explain how they apply to readers' situations. Each chapter includes therapy scenes, writing prompts, and reflective exercises. The second part of the book presents my closure model, which walks the reader through creating their own closure. Throughout, there's a supportive, therapeutic voice from someone who has helped people through this exact process. Someone who won't shame you for thinking about your ex at 1 am, and will gently redirect you toward what helps. My writing is grounded in a trauma-informed, therapy-based understanding of what happens when a relationship ends, and teaches readers to find the closure they need within themselves rather than from their ex, a rebound, or revenge. I'm seeking an agent who understands the wellness and self-help market, has strong publisher relationships in mental health and personal development, and values books that are both therapeutic and practical. I'd love to discuss how Closure Is Not Real fits into your list and share my full manuscript with you. Thank you for considering my work.

Hi! This is my first time posting here and I'm a little nervous, please be gentle! \### Dear (agent), I am seeking representation for my YA fantasy novel WHERE MAGIC WAS BURIED, complete at 80,000 words. Liv is a witch. That should make her life exciting. In reality, it’s painfully ordinary. From a young age, she has learned not to celebrate or explore her magic, but to bury it as deeply as possible. She spends her days hanging out with friends, navigating an embarrassing crush on a boy she barely talks to, and worrying about what comes after graduation. That is, until strange people begin appearing in her sleepy hometown and her mom suddenly starts acting nervous. When Liv is kidnapped by a stranger who claims she was born in Galdur, a hidden magical city in the far north, that fragile normality collapses. Thrust into a world of ancient power and rising conflict, where the creatures from her bedtime stories roam the forests, Liv quickly realizes that the magical world is way bigger than she ever imagined, and *far* more dangerous. As tensions rise, Liv finds herself caught between a city that demands her loyalty, insurgents who want to exploit her power, and a boy from home who is not who she thought he was. She must decide not only whom to trust, but who she wants to become. WHERE MAGIC WAS BURIED is a story steeped in Nordic folklore and set against the stark beauty of the Scandinavian wilderness. It will appeal to readers of DIVINE RIVALS, THE CRUEL PRINCE, and A FAR WILDER MAGIC. About me: I am a Swedish journalist... (some details about my career and education, felt weird posting it here) My fascination with Nordic myth and folklore began in childhood, listening to my mother and grandmother tell stories of creatures they swore lived in the woods behind our house (spoiler: they didn’t, it was just to keep me from wandering off). Those stories shaped this manuscript, bringing Scandinavian folklore into a YA fantasy with tension, high stakes, and complicated relationships at its core.

Hi all, here is my second attempt at my query letter. As suggested in my first attempt I went through and stripped out a ton of lore, hopefully this time around it's better. [first attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1p8llz9/qcrit_ya_dark_fantasy_the_mad_and_the_martyred/) Query: Dear \[Agent\], Rana has only ever known the same four walls. Knowledge of what lies beyond her room is forbidden, just like the answer as to why she can never leave. But Rana suspects it has something to do with the way the torch in her room flares anytime her heart skips a beat.   When the chance to escape comes within reach, Rana doesn’t hesitate to seize it. She’s willing to risk everything if it means a glimpse at the world she’s been hidden away from for all her life. But her freedom is brief, as she’s snatched up by invaders. They quickly grow curious about her past and treat her less as a prisoner and more as a refugee during the journey to their capital. When they arrive at their destination—the invader’s home country—Rana’s ability is exposed, and the nation falls to its knees. They declare her the Prophesied one they’ve been awaiting for generations. Rana is welcomed as their long-awaited saviour, and she takes on her role as queen with ease. But as she adjusts to her new life, the Prophecy’s warning weighs heavy. For the world to be built anew, the Chosen One must first succumb to madness, destroying the world before they meet their redemption.   After a brutal attack by the empire that once imprisoned Rana, she hovers between life or death, confronted by an entity she only knows as the Darkness. She learns that the fire she can manipulate is subject to the Darkness’s will, not hers. When Rana awakens, a war breaks out between the two nations, threatening both Rana and the people who’d accepted her. Spurred by loyalty and a refusal to ever return to her prison, she tries to harness her abilities to defeat the empire. But the fire doesn’t obey. Refusing to allow the empire to make her a prisoner once more, Rana strikes a bargain with the Darkness, trading her free will for the power she seeks. Rana descends into the mad like state the Prophecy foretold, but she relies on the redemption which is to follow to save her. But what Rana doesn’t know is that the Prophecy may not be as truthful as the Darkness would have her believe. THE MAD AND THE MARTYED is a multiple POV, young adult with crossover potential, dark fantasy novel complete at 78,000 words. It is the first in a planned duology. \[insert personalization here\] By day, I’m a psychology major at \[university name\] who hopes to help others heal from their pain, and by night I write books that do the complete opposite. Thank you for your consideration.

Hey all, I am looking for QCrit for my historical romantasy novel. I am also searching for some final Beta Readers and sensitivity readers while I work on my query package if anyone is interested. I have the first 300 words below the query. \-- Dear Agent,  I am excited to query you for my new adult commercial novel, *Flames of the Heart*, complete at 77,000 words. Your work with \_\_\_\_\_\_ makes me think you'll be a great fit for this project. It's a historical romantasy set in Ancient Hawai'i (before western colonization) where the Gods feel real. It reads similarly to plot-driven romantasy like The Bridge Kingdom in a world more akin to what was described in some of Hula's flashbacks. It took inspiration from the Ancient Hawaiian 'Legend of Kawelo'.  "War consumes the Hawaiian islands. The great commander, Kamalalawalu of Kauai has decimated islands, leaving none alive who dare oppose him. Now he has turned his sights upon the final two islands. O'ahu and Hawai'i. Luckily for him, his old home on the Big Island is a land divided.  In the north, the chief of Hilo offers their daughter, Pauahi, to marry Kamalalawalu. They hope that through this arranged marriage, they save themselves from devastation. Be it his army or that of their rival, Kona. But Pauahi's only true allegiance is to her people. Will she become an assassin to smite Kamalalawalu, or his weapon, to destroy his enemy?  For it is not just Hilo who has an issue with Kona. Their chief once held onto Kamalalawalu. He claims as a slave. Kona's chief calls him a son. Raised alongside him was his 'brother,' Kekoa. Kekoa, though, is a failure to his people. A coward. He can't even slaughter a pig, much less a man, to defend his home. Many call him "mahu". Neither man nor woman. And yet Kekoa and his father stand up against Kamalalawalu. As fate and armies march, these three are forced to reckon with the realities of war, love, politics, and betrayal in this ancient world -- praying that they and all their hearts hold dear are not consumed by the fires that rage around them in the process." Romance tags include: HEA, Historical, Ancient, Angst, NA, Open Door (Heat 1-2), m-f romance, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, forced proximity, other man, physical violence, indigenous mc, indigenous faith, betrayal, slavery, political/ court intrigue, survival, vengeance, war, Oceania, Competent heroine, aristo/royal heroine, alpha male hero, sweet/gentle hero, warlord/commander hero, royal hero, dual pov, third person pov.  I’ve been a game designer for a decade, and for the past few years, I have been creating D&D adventures and materials, where I became a best-selling TTRPG designer on DM’s Guild. In recent months, my episodic Grimdark LitRPG “The Menu” has been published in the online zine of the same name. This would be my debut novel. \-- # Chapter 1 Kamalalawalu - Māui Blood sprayed from the open wound. The last defender of Māui dropped to his knees, grasping at the arrow that had torn through his ribs. He choked as he tugged on it, his mouth moving in some inaudible prayer.  “Who do you think he’s praying to?” Kamalalawalu asked with a smirk, placing the bow around his bare shoulder. “Kū? Or perhaps Kane?” “My ali’i, even with your… beliefs, it is unwise to mock Kū. He has blessed you with a great victory today.” The shriveled husk of a religious man quivered. This sleight would need to be rectified. “So then, Akamu, you do think it was Kū?” Kamalalawalu had already begun making his way down to his rival chief, who sputtered on the ground in pools of filth and gore.  “It is more likely to be a personal ancestral spirit, my lord.” The priest stated as he followed Kamalalawalu down the hill.  “Indeed? Maybe he’ll tell us?” he gestured down to the chief, whose eyes and nostrils flared. “So? Which god? Still got some fight in you?” Kamalalawalu bent over so that his shadow enveloped the unspeaking leader. A wordless insult to a once great leader, and a way to steal any mana that remained. Kamalalawalu’s army encircled him. Thousands of men, covered in filth and wounds from battle. But none dared get close enough that he could feel a splash of mud. Each held their breath, waiting to hear the word from him.  “Men! You have delivered unto your ali’i a great honor today!” Akamu belted before Kamalalawalu could say a word. “Today, we have destroyed the last of the Māui rebellion!”  The army cheered as Kamalalawalu began sawing with his sharktooth dagger - the great leiomano that held mana from Kamalalawalu’s father and ancestors long since passed.

Hello all, first time poster, first time querying agents. All feedback appreciated! \### Dear \[Agent\], I'm excited to share TETHERED, an illustrated queer romance with elements of magical realism, complete at 65,000 words. A twist on the fated mates trope, TETHERED will appeal to readers who enjoyed the heartfelt emotion and magical realism of TJ Klune’s *Wolfsong*, and the wry banter of Alexis Hall’s *Boyfriend Material.* TETHERED is a standalone novel with series potential.  In a world where telekinetic Gifts and bondmates are common, Will Savea has neither. Born a Blank, his best-friend-turned-bondmate disappeared hours after their first kiss, taking Will’s dreams for their future with him. He likes to think he’s made the best of his life, focusing on his career as a palliative nurse even if his friends tease him for being commitment phobic.  Nathan Warner has a powerful Gift and a plan. He's given up the prestigious career he never wanted and fought the depression that’s plagued him since he was forced to leave Will. Their bond might have broken, but Nathan wants nothing more than a second chance.  When Nathan’s side hustle leads to a reunion, it feels like fate has intervened. But when a secret   makes Will question their connection, Nathan must come to terms with his past to win back their future. I am a debut author from London, UK. My corporate day job is all logic and decision making, and my free time is spent in whimsy and imagination. I create worlds and stories with illustrator Starultima, a native New Yorker currently working in Japan. We met online through fan fiction, and now work as IRL creative partners, focusing on original work.

Reina thought she had outrun her past. Until a voice long thought dead calls her back to the site of a ten-year-old tragedy. As children, Reina, Poppy, and Iris were torn apart when Iris vanished at the edge of the woods. Now, Iris’s voice reunites the estranged friends and drags them both into Elderon, an elven kingdom veiled from human eyes. When Poppy is seized by elven guards hunting for the last door between worlds, Reina is left stranded in the outskirts of the city, desperate to find Poppy and assuage her own grief and guilt. A decade ago, she allowed the world to blame Poppy for Iris’s disappearance while she retreated to her life of privilege, and now, Reina’s inaction might actually cost Poppy her life. However, Reina’s rescue attempt in the palace ends in her own capture by Gabriel, the Captain of the Guard. When the elven soldier insists on sending her home instead of condemning her to death, Reina exploits his divided loyalties and strikes a dangerous bargain: she will help him sever the connection between their worlds if he helps her reach Poppy before it’s too late. But the more he looks at her like someone he has already loved and lost, the more Reina suspects that this is not their first encounter. Meanwhile, Poppy learns that gruesome trophies of human trespassers are kept in the palace crypts, and the possibility of discovering what happened to Iris proves more tempting than escape. Poppy’s search for answers will uncover a buried history between elves and humans that threatens to spill into the mortal world. As Gabriel pushes Elderon to the brink of war, Reina and Poppy will have to confront the betrayals that tore them apart in order to close the wound between worlds and bring Iris, whatever remains of her, home. \[UNT Fantasy\] is a new adult, dual-perspective, second-world fantasy centering a star-crossed friendship with thrilling romance, mystery, betrayal, and promising series potential. But beyond that, it is my attempt to rewrite the past. Reminiscent of the political intrigue and captivating, complex romance in Marie Lu's RED CITY, paired with the yearning tucked between hidden identities found in Tahereh Mafi’s THIS WOVEN KINGDOM, but tonally infused with the enduring themes of sisterhood from LITTLE WOMEN, these next few pages mark the beginning of a story infused with my love and regrets for the women in my life and the childhood none of us can ever return to.

For agencies that allow resubmissions of revised queries after a period of time or don’t outright prohibit it, what is the correct way to resubmit on Querymanager? Do you submit under the same project or create a new one? Do resubmissions get flagged? Do you need to state it’s a resubmission in the query letter? I have a salad bowl of ethnically mismatched names and changed the name I’ve been querying with for consistency sake as well as the email. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m being deceptive by querying under a different name. Do I need to note that I previously queried with a different name? Thank you very much!

Hello everyone. I have dipped my toes into the submission trenches without any bites. Received several copy/paste rejections or nothing at all after submitting to both agents and publishers. I know these things take time and perseverance, but I wanted to get some feedback and see if there are red flags that auto reject my query. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone. Hello {title/agent}, I have for your consideration, Serpents Reign, a dark fantasy book series about reincarnation, angels, demons, alchemy, and of man's place within a world he was not meant for. This would be a four or five part series when complete. The story revolves around Severin Arcanus, young heir to the land and holdings of House Arcanus. After father abandoned family in night of treachery, he alone now bears the burdenous yoke of fealty to the Angels. Torn between new duty and desired freedom, he embarks upon a path to find both the truth of the world and his own nature. A journey to the very heart of it where labyrinthian golden tower rises. That tower, the first creation of the ancient world, is now home to the Angels and their homunculi servants. Divine rulers on high who watch over a world in stasis where nothing is as it seems. Plagued by dreams and visions of past lives carved by foreign hands, he knows within himself that there is more beyond the boundaries. He intends to determine if he is indeed one cursed to reincarnate, memories of each life as a fragmented shard of shattered cathedral glass reset into a spiral pane. In knowing, he might rise above and receive the freedom his soul cries out for. Though, to reach heaven, he must descend into hell. With his sacred blade as anointed diviner's rod, he is guided through a world of madness, fear, and blood. At its lowest depths, a final and painful truth that he has learned countless times before. Man is indeed doomed to be broken upon the cycle of suffering eternal. The Gods do not await a return when prosperity and divinity might be brought back to the world. The single architect of reality slumbers deep within the earth awaiting for not a time of rejoice, but to consume his creation. Each incarnation, a turn of the wheel, ensuring that through aeons he would reach a final precipice where his choice would truly matter. If you are interested, I will gladly send the full manuscript to you. Thank you for your time. {my real name}

Thank you to those who tore apart my first attempt last week. It's so hard to see what's wrong from within. That said, don't bother commenting on my word count. I'm aware of the difficulties, but am not editing further. I've already come down from 204k so if this doesn't work, it will be set on the back burner to use when I'm no longer a debut, and that's fine. I had an agent tell me to put my business paragraph at the end so they can potentially get hooked with the story and character before immediately rejecting based on word count, so that is what I've done. Dear Agent, \[Personalization\] 18-year-old Liv has spent her teens on the waters, disconnected from the rest of society, bringing home income to a father who drinks it away. She’s tormented by visions of the end of the world, dismissing them as nightmares, though they seem too real for that to be true. The day her best friend proposes and her father is found dead, she fears being forced into the marriage and escapes through a portal to a faraway military base. Upon arrival, she’s fitted with the standard military implant in her head—used for communication, tracking, and control—and meets her fellow recruits who all have incredible physical Abilities. Struggling through training leads her to discover her own mind Ability, so rare and dangerous it’d land her in prison or a bodybag if revealed. Her training partner, Rhys, found to be the first Healer on the mainland in 150 years, is captured and *studied* in the name of science. When he flees, she knows she must too—to save herself, and to find him and explain why she was too stupid to kiss him back. Through a series of missteps she learns more about the visions and a divine power ascending in the Wastelands—one that gives the holder every known Ability, and more. The problem: an ancient immortal, descended of the gods, now bitter and jaded, also seeks the power and intends to bring forth the destruction only she has foreseen. Now wanted for desertion, she must outrun and outsmart the military before they imprison her and doom humanity, for she alone can stop what’s coming. ASCENSION is a Science Fantasy, Adult novel of 133,000 words. Sharing the combative interpersonal dynamics of Olivie Blake’s ATLAS SIX, the propulsive action of Evan Winter’s RAGE OF DRAGONS, and X-MEN-like superpowers, it is the first of a series. \[Bio / Thank you\]

Hello all! Decided I should work on this project next, and would love you hear your suggestions. Questions: First, I don't know how I should market this book. Should it be marketed as dark fantasy, or something more horror aligned? I'm mostly a fantasy writer, and I'm not sure where to draw the line between both genres. Second, is R.F. Kuang too big of a name to use as a comp? Thanks in advance for your feedback! Dear [Agent], I'm seeking representation for THE MONSTROUS MOONSHINE, a dark academia/horror novel complete at 80,000 words. This novel combines the surreal mathematics in R.F. Kuang's *Katabasis* and the horror elements in Cassandra Khaw's *The Library at Hellebore*. Think *Bloodborne*, but set in the modern day. Timid mathematics prodigy Carl Stewart thinks he has escaped his abusive mother and miserable life when he accepts a PhD scholarship at the prestigious Wilkens University. But shortly before he's about to move, he receives a desperate note from his friend studying there. He's gone by the time Carl reaches the campus. Carl suspects there is something sinister about his friend's departure. Students are encouraged to attend moonlit gatherings, which seem like harmless parties at first, tough afterwards, students report exceptional cognitive breakthroughs. Proofs become trivial, and visualizing impossible topologies becomes second nature. But he ignores these signs, too caught up with praise and recognition. As Carl uncovers more clues - the faculty wearing silver manacles, students 'dropping out', the scratching along the campus walls - he starts noticing horrifying changes in himself. His fingers curl into claws, which progress into fractals. He realizes the faculty has done something to him, and he's changing into something inhuman - the fate of many students before him. Strangely, he feels calm, seeing his transformation as inevitable. Beyond monstrous transformations and hidden dimensions, he discovers another truth: buried under his feelings of powerlessness is a deep resentment towards the world. With his mother's tightening grip and his spiraling mental state, he's forced to decide if he should expose the campus' secret, or give in to the power that was denied to him his entire life. Thank you for your time and consideration.

There’s a spy at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. Someone is selling top-secret information about America’s nuclear weapons program and intelligence officer Alex Holtzman knows who it is. Thirty years ago he played a dangerous game with a Russian spymaster and came up short. His agency discredited and his career ruined, he toiled in bureaucratic purgatory for three decades, too stubborn to quit. Now the Russian is back, this time allied with a vicious organized crime syndicate, and Holtzman has devised a brilliant plan to infiltrate the operation. Patrick Harris is the last person anyone would suspect of duplicity. An engineer of humble talents, he plies his trade at Los Alamos a wholly unremarkable man awash in a sea of geniuses and classified research. To Holtzman, that makes him the perfect recruit. His assignment – keep tabs on the brilliant scientist who’s been compromised by the Russian and report on his doings. But things in Holtzman’s world are never that straightforward. He wants more than just an arrest – he wants to flip the Russian and use him as a source of disinformation against his masters in Moscow. But he’s haunted by a question; is he merely doing his duty or is his judgement clouded by thoughts of settling the score with his old nemesis? With his motivations murky, he pushes the operation even further, allowing Harris to be recruited by the Russian. With an innocent man now caught in the middle of his secret war, how far will Holtzman go to win? A SPY ON THE HILL, an Adult Thriller, is complete at 75K words. It will appeal to fans of the modern-day spy-craft found in David McClosky’s THE SEVENTH FLOOR, and the down-and-dirty moral ambiguity of the espionage world as told by Nick Harkaway in KARLA’S CHOICE. Fans of the film OPPENHEIMER would also be interested in this insider view of the present-day Los Alamos National Laboratory. \[short bio here\]

Hello friends, I’m getting ready to send out another batch of queries in the new year, and in the meantime I’ve been working on a deep edit. I’ve swapped a few things around in this query (plus a major overhaul to my blurb’s 3rd paragraph) and have an updated version of the first 300 below. I so appreciate any constructive feedback so that my querying journey can take a turn for the better :) cheers, and happy holidays to all! Link to my last version: [ https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/vJ70wZVA88 ](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/vJ70wZVA88) (Edited for formatting) \*\*\* Dear Agent, I’m seeking representation for my 85,000-word psychological thriller THE VETIVER COLLECTIVE. The novel is a painterly homage to BLACK SWAN with a nod to the secret society of EYES WIDE SHUT. It blends the sapphic mystery of Julia Bartz’s THE WRITING RETREAT with the impending sense of vertigo in Alex Michaelides’s THE SILENT PATIENT. Fans of A.J. Finn or Sian Gilbert may also find interest. Failed artist Sadie *should* be thankful for her new assistant gig at the hottest art collective in town. She *should* get over the fact that her last show flopped and she hasn’t painted since. And she *should* listen to her gut when she meets Mateo, the handsome gallery owner next door—the one with a devilish grin and promises that are too good to be true. But when he offers her a show at his prestigious gallery, Sadie’s good sense is gone. Eager to resuscitate her dream, Sadie becomes so engrossed in her new paintings that hours and days start to slip by her unnoticed. But when she hears that mysterious ingenue Saylor is receiving preferential treatment, Sadie snaps to attention. Her jealousy soon bubbles up each time she reads another puff piece on Saylor. And at night, violent dreams send her reaching for old psychiatric meds. Sadie becomes obsessed, snooping in neighboring galleries to get a glimpse of the enigmatic Saylor, who barely seems to exist. When Mateo announces that Saylor’s work will receive top billing at the show, Sadie spirals into paranoia. Disturbing visions begin to haunt her waking hours. And there’s the nagging sense that Mateo is involved in something sinister. Sadie’s suspicions are all but confirmed when Mateo introduces her to a cabalistic ball of masked billionaires. There, Sadie finally comes face to face with the elusive Saylor in a nightmarish encounter. But Sadie fears there’s something more to Saylor’s presence—something supernatural. No longer sure what’s real, Sadie’s left with a final choice as opening night approaches: to walk away from everything she’s worked for, or risk losing herself completely. Set in the uber-wealthy L.A. art scene, THE VETIVER COLLECTIVE offers a twist on the trope of selling one’s soul. The novel explores the dichotomy between consumer capitalism and artistic authenticity, while touching on themes of self-worth and identity in the age of A.I. THE VETIVER COLLECTIVE would be my debut novel. I drew heavily on my experience as a professional oil painter to deliver compelling insight into both the technical aspects of painting as well as the plight of the “starving artist.” In addition, I hold a degree from USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and a J.D. **First 300** *This is it, the beginning of the end*, I muse. Delightful rays of sunshine threaten to ruin my pity party. I can almost hear them singing their hi-ho Disney song as they set to work. Skipping delicately through the air with an annoying sense of glee. Pooling across the floor with a quickening pace. I huddle under the covers and steal a few more minutes in the mire. As if the hours I’ve spent wide awake weren’t enough. Scowling under the half-lit glow of the city lights. Counting down the seconds. Begging time to *please, oh please, just stop.* With the threadbare sheets up around my nose, I could be a mere pair of eyes. Blinking against the dawn with the hope that each wink might somehow open upon a parallel universe. One that isn’t quite so filled with disappointment. One that might let me arrange my embodiment in an altogether different fashion. *Sentient eyeballs in a jar—now, that could be a good life! Swimming free in the gelatinous void. Seeing all. Feeling nothing.* No one could accuse a pair of eyeballs of being sullen. *You’re too green*, they might say instead. *The color of envy.* A few more seconds pass. The daydream disintegrates. I lie in bed and wait, ignoring reality for as long as I possibly can. I’ve been getting very good at that lately. To my dismay, the sunlight eventually reaches my fingertips. It casts shimmery reflections off my gel polish in hue “You’re Glitterally the Worst.” As I cling to the singular swath of frayed cotton that shields me from the world, I pretend the name isn’t apt. The glitter is good at hiding things. Like the fact that the polish is peeling away from my thirsty cuticles, left unkempt for months (and months and months).

Thanks a lot for the helpful feedback. I tried to incorporate all of it in this newest version. **QUERY:** Dear Agent, *The Dunwich Horror* meets *Shutter Island* in my 99,000-word horror mystery, SPORES, which I’m excited to submit for your representation. After years drowning in debt, travel writer Michael Frisk finds his lifeline. The Absalom Institute, an exclusive retreat hidden deep in the Oregon wilderness, has invited him and his family for an all-paid stay. For Michael, it’s a career-making opportunity. If he can document the lives of the institute’s eccentric elite, he can parlay the feature into a six-figure book deal and save his family from destitution. Assuming he keeps his shit together, that is. On his first day, Michael picks a fight with a guest for accosting his eight-year-old son, and snaps at his wife, Steph, for questioning his temper. Steph wants him to stick with his family, but Michael is busy gathering notes on the institute’s bizarre rituals. He’s seen white-robed guests chanting in the night, and others coming out of the lake shivering and naked, looking like they forgot how to walk. The family’s rift widens into a chasm when their teen daughter vanishes and Michael is MIA, chasing a lead on the institute’s secret cave and the eldritch god they worship there. Blamed by his wife for his daughter’s disappearance, Michael is plagued by a sense of déjà vu. He’s seen those people before, he’s lost his daughter before, and now he is back at the beginning, with no one to believe him—not even Steph herself. Taking matters into his own hands, Michael sneaks onto a restricted island where he thinks his daughter is being held. What he finds instead are more guests shambling out of the water, feasting on human flesh. Now Michael must convince Steph of the institute’s danger as their god’s influence spreads like spores. Together, they’ll have to decide whether to stay and find their daughter, or leave that accursed place with what still remains of their family. Before it all starts over again. SPORES combines the reality-challenging weirdness of Nicholas Binge’s *Ascension* with the toxic family dynamics of Nick Cutter and Andrew F. Sullivan’s *The Handyman’s Method*. It will appeal to fans of things that come writhing in the night. I’m a Brazilian English teacher with a love for tabletop games, cats, and horror stories. My short fiction has been featured by *Third Flatiron* and *James Gunn’s Ad Astra*. When not reading or writing, I'm looking for the newest horror goodie on the small screen. **First 300 words:** Goddamn trees kept getting in the way. Spindly Douglas-firs crowded both sides of Oregon Route 6, forcing Michael Frisk to lean over the steering wheel to spot the access road. “You haven’t missed it,” Steph said. His wife had the passenger seat tilted back, a wide-brimmed hat tipped over her face. “I might have,” he replied. “You haven’t.” A coin clinked from the back seat. “Heads!” Ethan’s voice pealed with excitement. His son had been flipping that freaking coin for the better part of their trip. It served Michael right. He should’ve caved on the iPad. “Stop that!” Hannah said. She was at the other end of the seat, keeping the siblings’ peace. Michael turned to his wife, exasperated. “Yeah, I passed the entrance.” Steph took the hat off her face. Her pale brown hair fell freely over the spaghetti straps of her summer dress, hiding the tucked-in chin that made her look like a poking thumb. Poking was right. She was good for that. Also prodding, jabbing, and pushing your buttons. She rolled down her window, cupping an ear. “I can still hear the river. Map says the entrance is after Rogers Camp, before the overlook. No river in that stretch.” That made sense in a way Michael would never admit to her. After 15 years of marriage, you stopped handing out free wins. Michael tried paying attention to the rush of water, but a lumber truck came roaring down the opposing lane. When its flatbed was in the rearview, the coin clinked again. “Tails… aw.” “I said *stop that*,” Hannah shrieked. “It’s a magic trick,” Ethan replied. “Getting heads every time.” “That’s not a magic trick. It’s just stupid.” Steph twisted toward the back seat. “Hannah, don’t talk to your brother like that.” “He’s being stupid.” Steph drew a long breath. “Michael. Talk to your daughter.”

Hello and Merry Christmas PubTips! Returning here after some incredibly insightful and helpful advice on my first attempt, which has prompted me to hopefully revise it to include a few more specifics of the story and a few less cliches. Tried to tie all the elements of the story together so MC's motivation comes through more clearly. Also rebranding from a 'romantic fantasy' to a 'fantasy mystery with a romance subplot' so as to not mislead the romantasy girlies looking for a different kind of book. I'm also trying something simpler for the first 300 based on feedback. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to give feedback. Very very much appreciated :) Dear... KINDRED SPIRITS, complete at 95,000 words, is a standalone Asian mythology-inspired dark academia fantasy mystery with a slow-burn romance subplot and elements of folkloric horror. It combines the unravelling mystery of Leigh Bardugo’s NINTH HOUSE with the real-world allegory of M.L. Wang’s BLOOD OVER BRIGHT HAVEN, and the immersive world-building of Studio Ghibli’s SPIRITED AWAY and Netflix’s K-POP DEMON HUNTERS. This novel explores themes of climate justice, diaspora and grief.  Spirits are everywhere, if you know where to look for them. And spirit medium Liang knows— not just their hiding places, but their secrets, hopes and fears too. And there is nothing that they fear more than demons, the enigmatic natural predators of both spirits and humans.  When the mutilated body of a fellow student, Rong Hua, is found following a vicious demon attack, Liang realises that danger is closing in on Baihu University. She would do most anything to keep her spirits safe. Even enlist her estranged childhood friend Jun, a demon hunter whose penchant for fire has already burned her once before, to help her investigate the circumstances of Rong Hua’s death and her mysteriously missing history thesis. The pair piece together fragments of Rong Hua’s research, which could be the key to understanding the origins of demons and saving Liang’s beloved spirits, while fending off savage demons and grappling with the long-buried feelings resurfacing between them. Their investigation takes them through university groves and libraries, to the incident that destroyed both their hometown and friendship, and finally to a ruinous conspiracy spanning decades which is approaching its zenith. But when Liang discovers that Jun might be a pawn in this century-old plan, she must decide whether pursuing the truth is worth risking their lives, their futures at the university, and the bond between them that they’ve never dared name. \[bio and housekeeping\] As an aside, I've got a first novel which was quite different to this, but I never queried because it didn't seem to fit the market at the time. It's shelved, but perhaps not forever as I do think it has good bones on it. Is this the sort of thing you might mention in your bio, or is it best to leave out? First 300: A week before Rong Hua’s mutilated body was found in the woods, Liang was running late. It was the day of the Moon Festival.  The light was fading over Baihu University as Liang hurried through the central courtyard, where the set up for the celebrations had already begun.  Of all the events scattered across the university calendar, the Moon Festival was by far her favourite, the time of the year when the nights stretched out, thinning the veil between realms. She loved the food, the decor, the notion that for one night a year everyone would celebrate the spirits that shared their world, in much the same way she did every day. The normally austere grounds were in the process of metamorphosis, every inch draped with colourful silk and rice paper banners. Scholars set up spirit shrines laden with offerings of rice wine and sweet cakes, and strung up lanterns on which they’d carefully painted classical poems and prayers. She spotted her own messy script scrawled across one of them, but there was no time to stop and admire her handiwork; she had places to be.  She ruefully continued on her way, through the Western archway and up the wood-and-mud steps carved into the hill. Higher and higher she climbed, until her thighs burned, and the university’s grand buildings, granite paved walkways and sprawling gardens shrank into a meticulously arranged miniature below. The ancient grove opened before her, a smattering of towering ancient oaks standing sentinel. Unlike the carefully curated trees within the University grounds, these giants had been left to grow as nature intended, gnarled roots breaking through stone pathways, branches forming a thick canopy overhead. Most scholars avoided this place, finding the silence and stillness unnerving, but for Liang it felt like coming home.

Hi, I am currently in the process of getting this manuscript in the hands of beta readers. So, I thought of workshopping the query letter ahead of time. I am aware that Mexican Gothic is too big and looking for another comp to replace it. Still reading other books for a suitable match. If you can suggest other titles, please feel free to do so. Query: I am seeking representation for my 70,000-word folk-horror with fantasy elements, THE GHOST OF BONGAON, set in rural Bengal, India. It follows a woman trapped in a fog-sealed village, where a sentient house and a resurrected boy force her to confront the evil she once unleashed. The novel will appeal to fans of *Mexican Gothic* by Silvia Moreno-Garcia and *A House With Good Bones* by T. Kingfisher, featuring a darkly funny heroine fighting her toxic family legacy amid creeping folkloric dread. Ten years ago, Mahi left her childhood love, Dev, dead in the berry bushes when she fled her little village of Bongaon. Now she’s returned after a desperate call from her father, and things have only gotten worse. Her once-abusive father looks hollowed out from the inside, her mother has vanished, and their ancestral home has become sentient. It growls and breathes and invades her mind with her lost mother’s dreams. When she tries to escape, a gray fog seals the village, trapping her with mangled, wingless birds snared in its gelatinous web. And wandering through the fog is Dev— miraculously alive and offering no answers about the night he died, reopening feelings Mahi never laid to rest. As she searches for her mother, ghost lights flicker over ponds, and rumors of the Ghost of Bongaon resurface, the same terror that haunted the village a decade ago. Villagers believe the ghost is hunting again. Mahi knows better. Because ten years ago, she was the Ghost of Bongaon. But something else has taken up the mask she left behind, and it’s far more powerful than the child she once was. To uncover what really happened to Dev and save her mother, Mahi must confront the truth she buried the night she ran and decide what she’s willing to sacrifice: Dev’s life, or the village the fog is about to swallow whole. First 300 words: The person standing at the door with a gap-toothed smile on his face and a crown of bald patches on his head is not my father. He can never be my father, as this person is actually smiling, with teeth and all. There’s even crinkling at the corners of his eyes so that you can tell the smile is genuine and not just a mask someone has slipped on to present to the world to save face. What do you know! It would be a first for my father, but only if this person is actually him, which he is not. How can I be so sure, right? Well, for starters, this person is reed-thin, like at any moment a gust of wind can blow him away from the doorway and send him tumbling into the wild. My father has always been fat, ripe, and ready for picking. At least, he used to be when I last saw him, which was a good ten years ago. Okay, so people change with time. Maybe he has lost weight. That’s possible. I narrow my eyes at the man to get a better view of his face, which results in a different outcome than intended. My travel-laden, tired eyes get obscured by hazy vision. So, I stop squinting. The man opposite me isn’t smiling anymore. A slight frown has formed between his eyebrows. “Would you like to come in?” he asks with exaggerated politeness, sidestepping from the doorway, leaving the path clear for me to enter the house. How quaint? Polite, and my father. Another first in his life. Who says you can’t learn new things in old age? “Who are you?” My mouth forms the bizarre question before I can consciously stop it from springing from my lips.

Dear [agent], I am seeking representation for my debut novel FACELESS (95,000 words). Heavily inspired by slasher movies of the 1980’s along with thrillers such as Peter Benchley’s Jaws and Robert Block’s Psycho, this psychological thriller takes place in a small New England town where a serial killer wreaks havoc, stalking the sole survivor who escaped him years ago. Fans seeking more serious and grounded takes on the genre, who stay up late at night unwilling to put an engaging book down, and who loved the twists and turns The House Across the Lake (Riley Sager) and the raw emotion of The Whisper Man (Alex North) will be instantly drawn to this novel. I believe this story has broad appeal with opportunities for adaptations and series potential. Welcome to Harrington, NH. A quiet, cozy town in the Granite State notable for their university, fall foliage, and annual Harvest Fest. Unbeknownst to the good people of the town, one of their residents carries a dark past. Alex Bartlett: college student and survivor of a massacre that left her parents and closest friends brutally murdered with their faces peeled off. The murderer – dubbed the Faceless Killer – was never found. Five years later she attempts to carry on. Shouldering the constant burden of guilt while fearing every shadow, she has essentially shut herself off from the world. However, when a body turns up with the face missing, local police detective (Liz Kane) believes the Faceless Killer has returned, though her superiors refuse to take the threat seriously. Eventually, her path crosses with Alex – whom she takes upon herself to protect – and a determined but obsessed FBI agent (Mike Moreau) who has been chasing him for years. Soon enough, the bodies begin piling up, culminating in a massacre during the town’s Harvest Festival. Alex, Liz, and Moreau team up – with Moreau seeking glory, Liz desperately trying to protect the town, and Alex overcoming her deepest fears – to finally put an end to the Faceless Killer’s gruesome reign of terror. [bio] Thank you for your consideration.

I am seeking representation for *The Weather Man*, a literary novel of low-key magical realism, complete at approximately 80,000 words. In an otherwise ordinary city, an unnamed man lives with a small, personal weather system that follows him everywhere. The air around him is heavier, warmer, harder to move through. It is not dangerous or dramatic, and no one is particularly surprised by it, but it quietly shapes how fast he walks, how long he waits, how much space he is allowed to take up. He has learned to plan, to accommodate, and to accept a steady stream of well-meaning advice about how the weather might be managed. As he moves through adulthood, an entire industry grows up around minimising the weather: products, programmes, metrics, quick-fix solutions. There are periods when the weather improves and expectations rise, periods when it worsens and patience thins. There are moments of desire, including people who are drawn to the weather rather than deterred by it, and moments of relief among others who live under similar conditions. Throughout, the question of whether the weather should be changed, accepted, or simply lived with remains unresolved.  Told in short, accumulating chapters, *The Weather Man* uses its fantastical premise to explore the quiet physical difficulties and social challenges of living in a body that is constantly commented on, managed, and interpreted, as well as the ordinary pleasures and solidarities that persist alongside this pressure. By turns wry, tender, and quietly unsettling, the novel is more concerned with atmosphere than plot, and with continuation rather than resolution. The novel will appeal to readers of the gentle magical realism of writers such as Aimee Bender and Samantha Harvey. I am a UK-based writer with a background in the arts. This would be my debut novel. Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.

Hello again! Nine months and another draft later, I'm back. My first attempt is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1jqtia8/qcrit_ya_dystopian_thriller_polly_pocalypse/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). The advice I received last time was super helpful and I hope I've done a good job of applying it here. Looking forward to any advice you all might have! I am seeking representation for my debut speculative novel POLLY POCALYPSE, complete at 103,000 words. It combines the performative protagonist of Allyson Dahlin’s *Cake Eater* with an adult, clan versus clan struggle reminiscent of *The Green Bone Saga*, but in a satirical, *Mad Max*\-flavored setting. Marion’s never chosen how to dress, talk, or smile. Her parents did all that for her, turning her into the world famous popstar Polly Pocalypse. Then, they died just in time for the world to fall apart.  When the worldwide revolution exposed the truth about the flat Earth, chemtrails, and secret global government, people weren't ever going to trust politicians again. So they turned to new leaders: celebrities. Now, without having any say in it, Marion’s the leader of a clan in the post-apocalypse, stuck acting out a bubblegum popstar persona she hates. Her uncle wants her to drop the celebrity lifestyle, abandon her clan, and go play heavy metal in a garage somewhere like she really wants to. But, without her fanbase, she’d be an easy target for enemy clans looking to kill someone famous. And now, war is coming. A country star turned warlord is moving his clan towards the Antarctic Ice Wall, slaughtering everyone they come across and posting it all on social media. Marion can't afford this—going to war doesn't fit her brand image. But neither does cowardice, so evacuating the clan or pleading for mercy are out of the question. When the warlord’s starving mother appears at Marion’s doorstep, seeking asylum, it’s both a complication and an invaluable opportunity. Marion has to use the woman against her own son, but it has to look family friendly, too. Before the revolution, losing her fanbase would’ve meant getting a job in customer service. Now, it means death.

Hi, this is my second attempt at a query letter (first attempt can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1p5u1cr/qcrit_adult_sciencefiction_nighthawks_52kfirst/)) and would welcome any feedback / suggestions you might have. Thanks in advance 🙂 \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Dear \[Agent\], An overeager digital teddy bear avatar with googly eyes unfolds inside Keisha’s brain: “Hi there! I’m your Augmented Intelligent Reality (AIR) companion! It looks like you’re abandoning your wife and child! Here’s a list of popular divorce lawyers! Would you like to know more!?” NIGHTHAWKS is a darkly comedic, literary science fiction novel, complete at over 54,000 words. It is set in the sprawling, corrupt mega-city of Cosmopolis 7 and follows three POV characters over the course of 36 hours. Keisha: An exhausted failure whose career and marriage has crumbled over decades. Finally mentally hitting rock bottom, she abruptly abandons her family and on a whim goes to Nighthawks, the small diner where she grew up as a child, seeking the peace and quiet needed to figure out her next steps as her AIR companion constantly distracts her with both helpful and unhelpful suggestions. Leah: The warm yet weary Luddite owner and operator of Nighthawks. Following a violently devastating anti-droid riot, the city is attempting to condemn and destroy Nighthawks and the neighborhood it’s in. Leah struggles to keep Nighthawks operating and the local community from falling apart. Joe: An alcoholic lawyer in an intimate relationship with his legal secretarial AIR companion. He is suing the city to try and save Nighthawks from condemnation and willing to burn any bridge in order to win in an increasingly Kafkaesque legal system. Together and with the help of their AIR companions, their lives intertwine as they fight against the overwhelming city forces crushing them from without while their personal demons threaten them from within. Will Keisha be able to climb back out of the mental hole she’s fallen into or dig deeper in? Will Leah be able to keep the lights on or give in to despair? Will Joe be able to overcome the corrupt legal system or succumb to alcoholism? NIGHTHAWKS will appeal to fans of the psychological drama of “Light From Uncommon Stars,” the dark humor of The Murderbot Diaries, and the urban politics of “The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York.” \[author’s bio\] Thank you for your time and consideration.

This is my third attempt at writing this query. Thank you to everyone who has already given me feedback! I have been reading a lot of your queries and feedback here to get a better sense of query writing format/style. I have also been listening to Books with Hooks episodes on the podcast The Shit No One Tells You About Writing (definitely recommend). It is currently **266 words** (339 with the housekeeping bookends). I keep writing longer ones, trying to flesh out some of the plot details, but then cutting it back to trim the word count. I feel like I am trying to do an ambitious novel, with many POVs, a villain hiding her identity, presenting fake motivations to the other characters and readers, and a more hidden plot line/motivations of her true villainous nature. So it's hard to fit it all in a concise, understandable way. But maybe everyone feels that way about their book and all its important details. Here are the links to the first and second attempts: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1ompdu7/qcrit\_adult\_dark\_fantasy\_the\_crones\_apprentice/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1ompdu7/qcrit_adult_dark_fantasy_the_crones_apprentice/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pawz8d/qcrit\_adult\_dark\_fantasy\_the\_crones\_apprentice/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pawz8d/qcrit_adult_dark_fantasy_the_crones_apprentice/) Some issues I have been struggling with: \-The protagonist is the villain, but its not revealed until the end which sister is the villain; thus, there are two main protagonists for the majority of the novel. \-It is a multi-POV novel, with many disoriented or confused POVs, masking the identity and intentions of the villain. I have put this information in various drafts of the query, then deleted it. I cannot decide if this information is pertinent to the query letter. *Told through multiple points of view, many unreliable or delirious, the villain and her intentions are cloaked in confusion and secrecy, until no one’s soul is safe and no one’s conscience is clear.* Thoughts? \-Using transitional phrases to show the plot causality-- are these needed or are they a waste of valuable word count real estate? Any additional feedback or advice would be appreciated! **I’m seeking representation for THE CRONE'S APPRENTICE*****,*** **my multi-POV, 117k word dark fantasy. THE CRONE'S APPRENTICE is for readers who enjoy V.E. Schwab’s malicious and power-hungry protagonists, the feminist witches of Alix E. Harrow’s THE ONCE AND FUTURE WITCHES, and the unreliable narration of Victoria Lee’s A LESSON IN VENGEANGE*****.***  **To Rosalie and Laurel Webbe, who’ve grown up alongside their mother’s coven, magic is alluring, but the daily drudgery of a witch holds little appeal. On the cusp of their witch training, the sisters are recruited into the new women’s program by the mage school where their father studied alchemy. Despite their parents’ vague warnings that The Institute mistreated their father, Laurel is drawn to the glamorous city and prestigious school, while Rosalie is driven there by her curiosity.**   **Rosalie and Laurel soon learn the truth of their admittance: the head of The Institute is after them for their father’s valuable alchemical blood; and whether or not their blood makes gold, he has no intention of actually educating the women in the program. At first, the sisters work together to contend with the Institute’s misogyny, discover their father’s perilous history, and safeguard their blood. When Rosalie apprentices with a reanimation instructor, convinced her success will bolster the program, Laurel, not to be outdone by her sister, apprentices with a rival instructor developing an immortality elixir.**  **But it becomes clear that one sister seeks revenge for The Institute’s exploitation of her father years previous and its ploy to repeat history, as the men who run the Institute are plagued by disturbing ailments and misfortune. But whoever it is — Rosalie or Laurel —  needs more power to accomplish her scheme. If she can discover how to wield the witches’ powerful communal magic as a coven of one, will she be content with her revenge? Or will she destroy her own soul with the very magic she seeks to master?**  **THE CRONE'S APPRENTICE** **is my debut novel. I appreciate your consideration and would be honored to share the full manuscript with you.**

Hello! This is my first query attempt so I'm hoping you all can offer some helpful critique and advice! \--- I am seeking representation for my debut novel, NOTHING LIVES WITHOUT THE DARK, a 110,000-word dark fantasy. This is first in a planned series but could stand alone. This story will appeal to fans of the ruthless political ascension in Shelley Parker-Chan's SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN, the oppression and betrayal in Ava Reid's THE WOLF AND THE WOODSMAN, and the fierce wit and morally gray world of Hannah Nicole Maehrer's ASSISTANT TO THE VILLAIN. Twenty-four-year-old Hilde Diser is a Below-born nobody. She tends mushrooms, *generally* avoids trouble, and has seethed for years under a system that grants her Above-born Mirror every privilege the sun can offer. Every person has a Mirror: identical in appearance, opposite in fortune. At twenty-four, one must kill the other to claim magic. Either become a murderer or a corpse. Hilde is determined to be a murderer. When she’s summoned to the palace the day before her sanctioned duel, Hilde assumes the Crown intends to rob her of her only shot at power. But magic in the kingdom is waning. The King drafts Hilde, along with a mismatched team of other would-be killers, on a mission to map the Source of magic and uncover who—or what—is siphoning it. A blood-binding ensures that any deserter dies, but Hilde has no intention of running. She recognizes a shortcut to greatness, and she’ll use the King's own scheme to seize it. The mission is, predictably, a mess. There’s poison, possession, and—because the Fates have a sense of humor—flirtation. One wrong step could leave her dead, or worse, powerless. Nonetheless, Hilde claws her way toward the Source and claims the magic she craved.  Only to discover the Mirror system is a lie designed to feed the King’s immortality. Tricked out of her magic, with friends dying and her own lies returning to haunt her, Hilde faces a choice: live quietly as the King’s pawn or become the monster the world carved her to be. Hilde is done playing by the rules of a rigged game. She’s a vengeful *tunnel rat*, and she bites back. NOTHING LIVES WITHOUT THE DARK explores survival under systemic oppression, the cost of power, and what it means to remain when the world has already written your eulogy. When I'm not huddled over the keyboard killing off characters, I'm probably huddled over the keyboard with my psychological studies. Much like Hilde, I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders. As a psychologist, I wanted to create characters with accurate depictions of ADHD, trauma, and other mental health symptoms. My academic research focuses on belonging, oppression, and identity; deeply informing my novel’s themes.  Thank you for your time and consideration. \--- First \~300 The mushroom caps glow an eerie blue in the dark, a thousand tiny stars clinging to the decaying logs. I pluck them one by one. Each lands in my basket with a soft *thud* that melds into a rhythm with the sounds of the other workers. My fingers could do the work on their own–pull, slice, drop. *Pull, slice, drop.* Irsa says repetition steadies the mind.  Irsa says a lot of things. Some are even true. I lift my shoulders and twist out my aching back until my vertebrae pop in a satisfying cascade. Around me, two dozen other workers *pull-slice-drop* fungi into their own baskets, backs bent and knees aching. We’re all the same down here: gray work shirts, gray faces, gray futures. I’ve lived in the darkness of Below for twenty-three years. Sometimes I forget the sun even exists at all.  Boots scuff the packed dirt behind me. I don’t turn–you learn quickly not to draw attention–but my spine goes rigid. The Above farm manager stalks past, leather apron creaking with each step. The oil stench of his torch cuts through the smell of damp soil and sweet rot.  A large knife bounces against his thigh as he chomps on a ruby-colored apple that mocks the shriveled fruit we scrounge up Below. The wet and obscene sound of his chewing echoes through the cavern. He takes a final slurp and tosses the core to the cavern floor. It bounces, once, twice, landing with a wet slap near another worker’s knees. She flinches but doesn’t stop slicing.  The manager swaggers toward the main passage without looking back, torch held like he’s doing us some great favor by lighting the dark. Like we should thank him for letting us see our own misery.

I was always under the impression not to include any extraneous information while querying about stats, other queries, etc., and to only inform agents once you had an offer. However, I recently saw a (successful) query letter here on /PubTips that included the fact the author had multiple fulls under consideration. The author believed this nudge might’ve helped while in the trenches. What’s the etiquette on including whether multiple agents are considering your full in your query?

Hi all -- have been awfully nervous about posting, but would love some input on my query letter. I'm particularly anxious about the manuscript itself being on the quieter side, without dramatic stakes, and would love any insight anyone has to offer! >Dear \[AGENT\], >I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word work of upmarket fiction, DISORDERLY CONDUCT. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the poignant introspection of Elif Batuman's *Either/Or*, and the observant wit of Emily Austin's *Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead*. >A young attorney at a large law firm, Alice Kilpatrick has spent most of her life keeping her obsessive-compulsive disorder in check: managed, compartmentalized, or better yet, forgotten entirely. That is, until she takes on an eccentric case in the hopes of impressing a powerful partner at her firm, one contending that OCD should be reclassified as a personality type instead of a workplace disability. Now forced to reflect on her own experience living with OCD, Alice embarks on a journey of introspection and self-discovery as she confronts an unsettling question: Could the condition she’s tried to manage in silence actually play a role in shaping who she is? >Thrust into unfamiliar philosophical territory, Alice must also navigate the complexities of friendship and grief. Her role in the case antagonizes her most beloved colleague, who has also been angling to impress the managing partner; and a painful secret about the night her sister died surfaces, complicating her decades-long relationship with her childhood best friend — and the possibility that her feelings for him may not be strictly platonic. As the world she’s always known unravels around her, Alice must first make sense of herself if she hopes to make sense of everything else. >I am a graduate of Stanford Law School, and have drawn on my litigation experience to color the legal world in which Alice operates. Like Alice, I’ve also lived with OCD for most of my life, and much of her story — namely, her questions about identity — reflects my own. >Per submission guidelines, I attach the first ten pages. Thank you for your time, and I very much hope to hear from you. >Warmly, >\[NAME\]

Thanks everyone for their help so far! I tried to incorporate all feedback from my first two attempts in a meaningful way. It sure helps that a slower few weeks before the holidays gives me plenty of time to obsess over the same few hundred words. Dear [Agent], I’m seeking representation for my literary fiction novel that draws on psychological thriller elements. Complete at approximately 80,000 words, *Phantoms in Brick and Ivy* will appeal to readers of Ellie Eaton’s *The Divines*, with its exploration of group myth-making, and Sally Rooney’s *Normal People*, with its focus on miscommunication and emotional projection within relationships. Despite its eerie campus setting, this is a grounded psychological novel about how fear, intimacy, and fallacy can shape our perceptions of one another. When Lacy Daley arrives at Carillon College, she hopes to become a more confident version of herself; or at the very least, decide on a major. But Carillon is inundated with ghost stories and half-whispered tragedies: a burned university office, a vanished professor, a lonely infant ghost. Her uncertainty makes her vulnerable to the unease woven into the very brick and ivy that frame the campus. In her horror literature seminar, Lacy forms a close-knit group of friends who jokingly call themselves the Banshees. Among them is Rowan, a brilliant biology student whose wealth and emotional reserve ostracize him from the rest of the group. While exploring *Main Hall* after hours, the group discovers a trail of old letters, hidden perhaps a little *too* obviously. Written by a professor’s wife during World War II, the letters chronicle a fragile survival in the grief of her husband’s absence. What begins as a shared fascination turns inward. A campus injury sparks suspicion. Drawn to his emotional restraint and the control it seems to promise, Lacy’s ever-growing fixation on Rowan blurs into an obsessive relationship. The letters begin to influence how the group interprets one another’s actions, heightening existing divides of class, ambition, and desire. As tensions rise, Lacy realizes the mystery she once chased for meaning has become personal. She must confront the phantoms that seem to follow her, and decide whether the danger lies in the past, the present, or within herself.

After browsing the subreddit I’ve become aware the word count is likely too high. I’ve already cut it down to 128k today and am working on cutting it down further! /// Dear Agent, FOR THE DEAD I LOVED is an adult romantic fantasy novel complete at 133,000 words, with a slow-burn enemies-to-lovers dynamic. It combines the war-torn stakes of A Thousand Heartbeats by Kiera Cass with the dark romance of The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. Princess Lirena Velova spent her life hidden behind palace walls, her very existence rumoured to be a curse upon the crown. Isolated, controlled, and denied the truth, Lirena’s only companions were shadows, stories, and the stars outside her window. One fateful night, she uncovers the secret behind her mother’s death. A revelation that shatters everything she knows. She flees the palace, seeking refuge with an enemy kingdom, but her desperate flight only ends in chains. Dragged back to the palace and stripped of every illusion, Lirena escapes again only to fall into the hands of Kaelren Atarim, her father’s most ruthless knight, infamous for the fire he commands and the rebellion he once led. Bound together, they journey through war-torn lands, hunted by both the crown and those who would see the royal line ended for good. Along the way, Lirena discovers her own magic, a wild power drawn from the stars that guides her even as it threatens to unravel everything she knows about herself. Every step tests her loyalties, her heart, and the line between enemy and ally. With tensions rising and the war closing in, Lirena must decide if Kaelren is her captor, her shield, or the final betrayal she never saw coming. Thank you for your time and consideration!

Hi all, The feedback to my [previous attempts](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1p7n1ua/qcrit_adult_mystery_cold_enough_to_kill/) has been incredibly helpful! I cut the whole prologue since everyone suggested that. I moved the dead body to the end of chapter 1. Since it's a murder mystery, I couldn't figure out how to move it farther than that. Very open to any thoughts and feedback! Query: COLD ENOUGH TO KILL, complete at 72,000 words, is an adult closed-circle murder mystery set in a rental cabin on Mt. Hood in Oregon. It will appeal to fans of “One Perfect Couple” by Ruth Ware and “The Guest List” by Lucy Foley.  New mom Alice reluctantly accepts a last-minute invitation to Lena’s birthday weekend at a remote cabin. When Lena is found with her head bashed in Sunday morning, the five remaining guests become suspects in her murder. A snowstorm cuts off all communication and strands the group, and the fragile companionship between the guests crumbles into chaos. Alice longs to escape and return to her baby, but if she leaves before uncovering the strongest motive for murder among the other guests, she risks shouldering the blame herself.  Lena’s husband was cheating. Lena’s best friend was undermining her. Lena’s uncle was competing for her inheritance, and her uncle’s boyfriend has a traumatic history with Lena from their days at school. The lies pile up, and Alice doesn’t know who to trust. The truth is, Alice has a motive too. When she didn’t want to return to work after maternity leave, Lena conned her into selling the Cube, a children’s electronic device, in a multilevel marketing scheme. When another guest finds the murder weapon, and it’s a bloody Cube, Alice knows she’s doomed.  Alice doubles down on the investigation, searching the cabin and the immediate surroundings. She spies, snoops, and schemes. She knows if she can’t figure out who took the Cube from her bag, collect the clues about the other suspects, and interfere in time, she could face arrest. But getting caught by the wrong guest could have even deadlier consequences.  First 300: Alone in a strange bed, in a cabin with strangers, I blinked in disbelief at the sight of three feet of freshly fallen snow. The sun had not broken the horizon, but the sky was light enough to see the white trees, the white ground, the white everything. A barred owl, soaring high above the dense evergreen forest, hunted across an endless, colorless blanket. The snowy expanse extended from our rental cabin to the summit of the mountain. Nature mocked me with a dazzling, icy prison. And then I made the irreversible mistake of looking at my watch for the time, pressing the side button for the light. 5:01 a.m. I had no hope of sleeping after that. Split between three bedrooms and four beds, we were stranded in a two-story cabin on Mt. Hood’s lower flanks. The snow was only H2O, the cabin only wood, adrift in a frozen ocean. In an early morning dreamy daze, I thought I smelled my baby’s sweet, milky breath. I reached my arms out to feel him and grasped only cold, empty space. The frosty air chilled my exposed skin - my nose, the surface of my face. I needed to sneeze, but held my eyes closed hard and it passed. The rest of my body stayed pressed under the heavy quilt, a cocoon of warmth I relished in the slowly lightening cabin. We were nominally all at the cabin to celebrate the beautiful and rather blunt Lena on her fortieth birthday. Lena’s surly husband, Harland, planned the weekend celebration, and I could hardly believe Lena included me in the exclusive group of six. His email started with “hello”, excessively formal, probably due to the fact I’d never met him. I’d only heard stories. Hello Alice, I’m throwing a birthday celebration for Lena...

Hello writers! I posted the first attempt at this query letter and received incredible advice. I spruced up the intro paragraph, as well as the story summary and included it below. Thank you in advance. :) I am excited to share my magical realism novel, ONE WEEK FOR THE AGRADOS. This 90,000-word, multi-POV story follows the tribulations of a Latino family. The story will appeal to readers who enjoyed THE FAMILY IZQUIERDO by Rubén Degollado and FAMILY LORE by Elizabeth Acevedo, in which family truths are explored through magical auspices and multiple points of view. 33-year-old Luana Agrado has had visions her entire life, visions that her family has disregarded as mental illness that's ruined her life and upended theirs. As an adult, she wants nothing to do with her family, choosing an aimless life on her own instead. When a mysterious book crashes into her windshield one morning on her way to work, it causes a violent vision she's never seen before where cyclones and earthquakes destroy earth and people are thrown to the sky, while others remain anchored to the rubble that was civilization. Once the vision ends, Luana opens the book and finds writing that reads, "Everything you saw is real, and the Agrados must reunite."  As the book continues to reappear, she realizes it isn't going away, and she can't deny it or the visions anymore. She must reunite her family. There's only one problem: no one in her family speaks to each other, each family member dealing with their own issues after a difficult past. Somehow, Luana must find a way to bring her family together before the catastrophic vision occurs or she’ll lose any chance at reconciliation. But if her family is right and she’s experiencing a psychotic break, then they’ll commit her, forever dooming her to doubt her own perception.

Dear Agent, When Josie Shaw is appointed the first woman to manage England’s men’s football team, the country erupts. She’s too young. Too female. Worst of all, she’s a Shaw. Twenty-four years ago, her father “missed” the penalty that cost England the 1986 World Cup final. The tabloids had their story within hours: a bribe. By morning, Ben Shaw was dead by suicide—clear evidence of guilt in the court of public opinion. Once the nation’s former “golden boy”—one of the few Black players ever allowed that status—he’s remembered as a traitor. Josie has carried that pain and shame ever since—especially after she became a headline of her own, missing a decisive penalty for the women’s side ten years ago. Now, with the 2010 World Cup looming, Josie has one shot to drag a hostile, uncooperative squad to the final—and win—while the papers scent blood and the FA waits for an excuse to cut her loose. One early exit and she’s gone, proof that a woman shouldn’t have been given the job in the first place. Forced by the FA to let documentary filmmaker Alex Broussard film her every move, the pressure is on. But off the pitch, Alex’s access gives Josie the opening she’s never had: together they retrace Ben Shaw’s last months, chasing the truth Josie’s always suspected—her father didn’t betray his country. Then the warnings start. Anonymous, doctored leaks hit the press. Someone wants the truth to stay buried—and if Josie keeps prying, they’ll bury her with it. To clear her father’s name, she’ll have to risk the only job that could redeem her own. It’s Josie Shaw vs England.  But Josie is going to prove everyone wrong.  Watch, and you’ll see.  With press clippings, interviews, and commentary woven throughout, JOSIE SHAW VS ENGLAND is a 95,000-word dual-timeline upmarket novel about legacy, redemption, and the cost of being a woman in a ‘man’s game.’ It would appeal to fans of the heroine’s comeback in Taylor Jenkins Reid’s *Carrie Soto Is Back* and the documentary framing of Layne Fargo’s *The Favourites*. \[Bio\] Thank you for your time and consideration. \--------------------------------------------------- I'd be super grateful for any and all feedback!! Some current qs I have: \- Is this query too long? \- Does this read upmarket/book club fiction to you? i.e. am I classifying it correctly? \- Is this title horrendous? I was also playing around with 'Josie Shaw Is Making A Comeback'. \- Should I get rid of the last three lines of the plot section; do they read too indulgent and blurby? Thank you in advance :)

Hi, I would love some feedback on my query letter. Any tips would be appreciated. Thank you! Dear \[Agent’s Name\], I am seeking representation for TYDE, a WWII historical thriller complete at approximately 125,000 words. The novel blends the atmospheric tension of The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah with the criminal intelligence and moral ambiguity of The Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth. TYDE is the second novel in The Imitation Habit Trilogy and is written to stand alone. This novel will appeal to readers who enjoy intelligent, character-driven wartime historical novels that combine espionage, crime, and romance emerging from unusual circumstances. John Rollins is an American art history professor with a criminal inheritance. The son of a Boston crime boss and the intellectual mastermind behind his family’s elite art-theft ring, John draws the attention of a relentless detective, forcing him to escape arrest by forging his way into the U.S. Army, manipulating records and authority until he rises through the ranks under a new identity. Stationed in England, John intercepts intelligence about a secret Nazi operation transporting looted European masterpieces to Italy. Seeing an opportunity to disappear for good, he assembles a covert unit and plans to use the Allied invasion as cover to intercept the shipment and vanish with the art. What John doesn’t anticipate is Ysabella. Known to him only as Lynette, a former student, Ysabella has been tracking his movements for her own reasons. The illegitimate daughter of Naples’s former treasurer, she believes her father hid a private collection of valuable art and artifacts before his assassination. With her mother imprisoned and time running out, Ysabella needs a way back to Italy, and John’s operation is her opening. As their paths merge, while the detective closes in and war rages on, John and Ysabella are forced into an alliance neither intended. Their shared obsession with art, power, and legacy draws them closer even as they attempt the greatest heist of their lives: stealing from the Nazis. I am a published author and a professional merchant-vessel captain, with years of experience navigating international waters. My work is shaped by extensive travel, a deep interest in history and art, and firsthand knowledge of maritime operations. Per your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis and the opening chapters of T.Y.D.E. Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to provide the full manuscript upon request. Warm regards, Author Name

Second attempt. Tried to streamline and make the genre more clear. Changed my comps after binge reading some recs. Dear XYZ, Monte was supposed to get out of his family’s rickety old stilt-house and make something of himself far from his backwater bayou hometown. Until Momma drank herself to death and Pa took off on him for being gay. When Monte’s estranged childhood best friend Wilem shows up on the porch dock one night offering his condolences and an opportunity for Monte to finish his degree in Baton Rouge, Wil and Monte rekindle their old friendship—and the romance that drove them apart. Two weeks before Wil has to leave and Monte must make a decision for his future, the police uncover the sunken remains of Pa’s boat deep in gator territory after a suicide note addressed to Monte surfaces in a dry bag. As the police close in on the truth about Monte’s involvement in the night of his father’s disappearance, his ex and alibi Aug goes missing. Now suspect number one, Monte must sober up and confront his troubled past to clear his name and find out what’s really happened to Aug and Pa; or risk becoming the next body at the bottom of the bayou. 75,000 word Gator Hunter is an atmospheric small town LGBT thriller that will appeal to fans of Kelly Ford's gritty queer homecoming “Real Bad Things”, and Riley Sager's struggling unreliable narrator in “The House Across the Lake”.

First attempt here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pl3r7k/qcrit\_lucy\_kills\_in\_her\_sleep\_adult\_science/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pl3r7k/qcrit_lucy_kills_in_her_sleep_adult_science/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Back with a new version based on everyone's comments from last time. I've kept the metadata paragraph up top for the time being--had a couple agents tell me that's what they prefer. Any and all feedback would be appreciate! Thanks again, y'all. \---- Dear \[Agent\],    LUCY KILLS IN HER SLEEP is a 93,000-word adult science fiction thriller with series potential. This fast-paced story is a *Scream*\-style take on the super soldier genre, and will appeal to fans of *Constance* by Matthew FitzSimmons and the *Zoey Ashe* series by Jason Pargin. \[Personalization goes here\]  Inmate Lucy Fanshaw doesn't fight; she talks trash and runs away, or winds up bruised and bleeding on the floor. When the Department of Defense brings her an offer she can't refuse—dedicate six months to a classified medical trial and her twenty-year sentence will be commuted—she signs. Why should she care that the trial only takes people who never have visitors? She trades monotony for weeks of injections, hypnotic sound baths, and a trip to a secret military base.  Late one night, her only friend in the trial transforms into a superhuman killing machine and throws her through a shatter-proof window. Director Patrick Hall has revived MKRATCATCHER, a flawed Cold War-era project, and transformed Lucy and her cohort into the next great advancement in military technology. As their superhuman abilities awaken, the former prisoners are overtaken by bloodlust—all except Lucy, who remains strangely lucid, and won't shut up about it. When she fails to undermine the program with words, her commander shoots her and leaves her dying in the snow, thousands of miles from home. Only her righteous indignation, big mouth, and what's left of her free will can drag her back to the people who freed her—and created her—for another shot at Director Hall before he copies her unique results and builds a personal, unstoppable army.  \[Bio paragraph omitted\]

Hi folks, Long time lurker, first time poster here. I've finished a few books, self-published one like a decade ago, but I don't think it's the path for me. I've queried intermittently over the years (including for this book) but so far the furthest I've gotten is an open-call publisher turning it down because their slate was full. I'd really love to actually get some of my work out there, so here's the query letter for Happy Now: A queer YA novel set during a time freeze. I'm happy to accept any feedback! Thanks in advance. \-- Dear (Name)  My name is \[Name\], and I’m submitting my novel, *Happy Now*, for your consideration. *Happy Now* is a queer YA romance with a sci-fi twist, complete at 83343 words. Theo and Diego are about to have the longest day of their lives. When they meet, Theo knows that Diego is going to ruin his life. He lives by the rules; Diego lives to break them. He's scared of everything; Diego's scared of nothing. He dreads going to school every day, Diego immediately charms the popular crowd. They couldn't be more different, but when they wake up to find time stuck at 9:52 in the morning, they have nobody to turn to but each other. As they navigate their strange new world, not to mention each other, they’ll encounter penguins, parties, and water park accidents, but how can their relationship move forward if time never does? If Theo wants to find a way to be happy, he’s going to have to learn to live in the moment. If you liked *They Both Die at The End* or *We Are The Ants*, you’ll love *Happy Now.* It’s a heartfelt, emotional, and fun love story that puts two wonderful characters in an otherworldly situation. It's a story about outcasts, the struggles of never feeling like you'll find your tribe, and the courage it takes to put your faith in others. (Personalisation) I look forward to speaking soon! \[Name\]

Hey folks, I would really love some feedback on my first query letter. I am a long-time lurker who dreamed of reaching the point where I could be asking you all for advice. This is likely a fool's errand because of my genre. However, I'd like to give it my best shot before moving on to the next project. Thanks in advance for any feedback/advice. \------------------------- Dear Agent, \[Enter personalization here\] After a bitter divorce, my life was split between the near-perfect dream with my father and neglect at my mother’s house. Following an unplanned pregnancy, she married a drug addict, Big Lee. Visits to drug dens and raising my sister, Little Lee, at the age of 6 while my mom worked, became the norm. Moreover, sexual abuse and tragedy were hidden from my stoic father and loving siblings. When a year of catastrophe climaxed with the murder of my best friend, my ability to tell those worlds apart crumbled. My mom left Big Lee after my grandfather died, yet there was no chance to heal. She immediately married Kevin, a man who turned out to be cruel and abusive. Kevin and his daughters, Nora and Sara, turned my life into fear. All while my family evaporated and my dad married someone else. I became a ghost in my father’s new marriage to Miranda. His attempts to reclaim the facade of a perfect family ruptured my image of an ideal father. Slowly, I adapted to life with Kevin, and my perception changed. When I clumsily came out as gay, he was the first to accept me. Conversely, my father pushed me further out of his life. Years later, when a suicide sent me into a deep depression, I made a pilgrimage to my father’s for guidance. I continued to struggle with both relationships up until Kevin was diagnosed with cancer. Ultimately, it took Kevin's death to realize he was the father I needed all along, and that I could forgive him. “FINDING MY FATHER” is a memoir complete at 106,000 words. It’s a combination of the complicated family dynamics of “***The Glass Castle”*** by Jeannette Walls and the dark humor and LGBTQ+ themes of “***Me Talk Pretty One Day”*** by David Sedaris. Thank you for your time and consideration. Very respectfully, \[REDACTED\]

Hi again. Thanks to some great advice I overhauled the query completely and wrote it from Grif's point of view. I'm feeling better about this version. Hopefully the feeling would be mutual. Dear \[name of agent\] I am seeking representation for “THE ASHEN LEGACY”, a character-driven YA fantasy completed at 87,000 words. This book will appeal to fans of Lauren Roberts’ *Powerless*. (I will add a second comp, I deleted Grave Empire as a comp and haven’t yet found a new one.) Grif is the first born of the Ashen king. The one who was meant to inherit the throne and with it the Ashen legacy – a blessing bestowed upon the family by their god. Only the boy was unfortunate enough to be blessed by another god, making it impossible to inherit the blessing of another. Blessing is a funny word for a boon of the trickster god. A boon that had cost the prince both his throne and his tongue – handing the former to his younger brother and the later to be sealed in his mouth. Grif is used to living in the shadows, to hide in a mansion inhospitable to him. God forbid he will cross path with his sickly father and once again see that look of revile on his face. Eighteen years it’s been, and still it stabs just the same. If not for his younger half-brother, Liam, the Ashen heir, poor Grif would have had no ally in that frigid assembly of rock and stone he calls home. Even the servants have learned to ignore his being. All his life Grif had told himself that once his father’s time is over, he will prove himself useful to the new king, to his brother. And that time is finally upon him. The king’s final day arrived. All have gathered to witness Liam inherit the Ashen legacy by murdering his father in a ceremony as old as the throne itself. When a waylaying arrow beats the crown prince to the task the kingdom is at a roar. Liam is sent by their god to avenge the king and reclaim the Ashen legacy. Finally Grif can prove he is not the runt of the family. He can prove his usefulness and loyalty to the throne and to his brother. He can prove he is not worthless.

Hi everyone, this is the first time I'm sharing on here! For context, I'm a UK-based writer and a non-fic editor based in London. This copy is based on the PubTips guidelines, but also contains some elements of UK pitching which I've picked up from work -- I hope that's okay. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ***MULCH*** (72,000 words) is a literary novel and a folk-tale for the anthropocene, which will appeal to readers of Stef Macbeth’s *Folk*, Daisy Hildyard’s *Emergency* and Natasha Brown’s *Universality*. **Synopsis:** The morning after a Halloween party, graduate student **Wellsy** kills his pet hamster. An accident, of course: Wellsy is a militant vegan, an environmentalist, and along with his housemates, **Diz**, **Bramble** and **Mag**, he keeps an allotment as an act of radical self-reliance. Harming animals is not in his nature – although lately it seems that nature has not been following its usual course. The allotment is a disaster. Wellsy, Diz, Bramble and Mag are baffled: it is as if the ground is completely sterile – nothing good can grow. With petty conflicts developing between them, they decide that it is best to bury the hamster in the plot, return the land to the council and go their separate ways. But when Christmas comes, the four friends witness a small, strange miracle: a single stalk of brussels sprouts, growing above the site of the hamster’s grave. The stirring of the allotment inspires the group to action. Diz pursues a great experiment in radical land guardianship; Wellsy retreats to the church for answers; Bramble finds fulfilment in the labour and upkeep of the plot; and Mag discovers community in the most unexpected of places. As the seasons change, the land comes into bloom at last. The plot yields a rich harvest, which is celebrated by the local gardening community. But the earth does not give freely – Wellsy, Diz, Bramble and Mag must continually satisfy its hunger. As the four friends fall deeper into ritual worship of the allotment, they must find a way to balance their personal politics with the ethics of violent blood sacrifice, or else lose their land altogether.

Hello, I've recently finished a new draft of my manuscript. After many revisions and edits, I feel that it is in a good spot for querying. Appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks in advance and good luck to all of the prospective writers out there! Dear X, Getting laid off may be the best (worst?) thing to ever happen to Paul Stanley. Paul had taken a typical path. He attended college, graduated with a marketing degree, and found himself working an administrative job in social services. All the while, his dream of being a novelist lay dormant—but strong—in the back of his mind. Then, the layoff. After processing the life-changing news, Paul visits his local watering hole. There, he meets a mysterious stranger who offers him an experimental drug, something to help him during his troubled time. In a haze of self-pity and drunkenness, Paul accepts. Days later, he’s awoken by a phone call. A man named Jon tells him that he loved the manuscript he sent over, and he wants to set up a meeting. Paul, memory lost and still gathering himself, dumbfoundedly agrees to meet. Turns out, Paul had pursued his dream during his drug-induced haze. He had finally written something. But it isn’t a novel. Rather, he had written a self-help book titled *The Hero’s Journey*. A book deal and untold level of sales later, Paul finds himself thrust into global fame. Viewed as a “self-help guru,” masses of people look to him for insight, guidance, and inspiration. As Paul’s growing success pushes him to the forefront of world events and politics, he must reconcile his own journey, all while lecturing the wide-eyed and hopeful on theirs. SELF-HELPLESS: A NOVEL is a completed literary fiction of 97,000 words that follows the story of a lost man in a lost world. It is inspired by the self-reflective and humorous elements of works such as *Dinosaurs* by Lydia Millet and *White Noise* by Don DeLillo. Fans of films by Bong Joon Ho, including *Parasite* and *Mickey 17*, may also find the narrative’s satire and social commentary appealing. \[Bio\] \[Message to agent\]

I feel I'm starting this the way everyone always does by saying, "I've read these posts forever and they gave me such a boost of motivation!" but it's super true. I loved hearing about everyone's journeys and seeing the variations, as well as just having the reassurance that it *can* happen. So, to preface: this manuscript was my "unicorn" moment, but I've had 2.5 books die before this one in the trenches. 2.5, you ask? Yes, because I foolishly rewrote my broken first book, an adult fantasy, into a broken YA fantasy. Guess what got 0 requests? Both versions! I didn't know what I was doing, and I am *embarrassed*, but we all start somewhere. **Let's hold a moment of silence for my shelved/failed projects:** * Book 1 (adult fantasy): 28 queries sent, 28 form rejections received. Yup. * Book 1.5 (the YA rewrite): 23 queries sent, 23 form rejections received. *Yup*. * Book 2 (YA-leaning crossover fantasy): 83 queries sent, a few personalized rejections, 6 full requests, one of which was still out when I got my offer on book 3's MS! This one actually came close; I think the writing was there on a prose-level, and the plot actually worked, but the marketability wasn't there, which was the sentiment I received on the quite thoughtful and detailed full passes. Something interesting to note: my full rejections on this came in quite quickly at about 2–3 weeks average, aside from the one agent who had it for about 5 months—more on that later. In hindsight, I did this project a thematic disservice by not committing to adult writing yet, and I'm toying with the idea of reworking it down the line. The bones are solid, the execution was not. That's okay. It's part of the process. **And now for what you're actually here for. Stats on my successful project (a queer adult romantasy henceforth referred to as TBTM):** * Queries sent: 30; 17 cold queries, and 13 solicited from Twitter/Bsky pitch events/AgentsGuide/posts about my projects. This is unheard of, I know. I'm sorry. * Full requests before offer: 7 * Partial requests before offer: 2 * Pre-offer query rejections: 14 * Pre-offer full rejections: 0 * Pre-offer request rate: 30% (keeping in mind that 23% of my sent queries hadn't been answered yet) * Offers received: 2 Both offers technically came from pitch events; agent #1 solicited the query during QueerPit, which then turned into a full, and agent #2 solicited the full during PitchDis. **Timelines and thought processes** Some of you may remember a few months ago when I posted about how [batch querying just ain't what it used to be](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1mk3eai/discussion_batch_querying_just_aint_what_it_used/), which is the exact moment I learned that I write super fast! It takes me about 6–8 months per project, which to be clear, I don't recommend anyone aspire to. I take care not to rush, and this is just the time it happens to take me. If it takes you longer, that's okay! The TLDR was that batch querying meant that I sometimes got backed-up with my projects, which is relevant in my querying strategy below. Timelines: I started brainstorming TBTM in early 2025 and drafting on March 11th. I sent my first query on August 3rd and received my first offer on November 3rd, meaning I was in the trenches with this project for exactly 4 months. Query strategy: I am a firm believer, thanks to the incredible advice here on PubTips, that you should *step away from the manuscript* once you start querying and immediately begin the next thing. I inevitably fall in love with my latest project and it takes a lot of the panic/desperation out of whatever is in the trenches. However, as I eluded to above, this does mean you risk getting backed up if you draft, revise, and polish quickly. Here's the strategy I used: * First: the obligatory, "research the heck out of agents and compile your list of reputable agents at reputable agencies." * Start with a test batch of first responders, see if you get bites. * Start drafting the next thing. * This next step comes with caveats. *If* you are 100% certain you would not revise your previous project even with actionable feedback from an agent (this is VERY important) and you are confident/prepared to query the next thing in the future, blast out the rest of your queries when you suspect you're 4 months away from having it query-ready. Yes. You read that right. This means that your current project will either have an offer or be largely out of your way when it comes time to query the next thing. You might've noticed I only sent 30 queries, and this relates to the above. I, perhaps foolishly, broke my rule of 'stepping away from the manuscript' and enlisted in a final beta reader in September, after I started querying. Her extremely complimentary feedback came in around October, and by that point, I'd already started drafting the next thing. She had very few notes, but she caught a crutch word I'd overlooked and some phrasing I relied on too heavily. Knowing that, I decided that I'd pause querying unless solicited, finish my first draft of #4, do a final line edit of TBTM, and then—you guessed it—blast out any and all remaining queries for TBTM with the plan to query #4 in the spring. As it so happened, the offer call email came in the day after I started that final line edit! **Reflections/let's talk about pitch events and agent guides** I jokingly referred to this project as "Schrödinger's Manuscript", because as you might've noticed above, it received no full rejections until I sent the offer notification and got the polite step-asides. My first request came from my agent guide, in a sense. I still had a full manuscript of #3 out (had sent the query in Feb 2025 and received the request in July 2025), and so I politely messaged the agent to say I'd finished something new that might fit their list, and I asked if they would be willing to let me query them with it as well. I included a link to my agent guide on Twitter. Their response was, "Wow, congrats! It looks great. Upload the full right here please." My second request came from a QueerPit, and was from the agent who would later be the first to offer. Now, I know we're far from the golden era of pitch events, but I found a lot of success with them, though this comes with the disclaimer that I'm a graphic designer by trade and therefore have an unfair advantage with visual materials. I had (reputable! and otherwise closed!) agents sliding into my DMs, agents soliciting queries to whom I couldn't query due to having a different solicited query out at their agency already, agents liking non-pitch event posts about my projects, and even agents asking for my unfinished WIP that I'd posted about. I made my Twitter specifically for writerly things, so it's not big; I had a whopping 125-or-so followers throughout this. It was a whirlwind. I wouldn't use Twitter with the expectation that it'll land you an agent or solicited query, but I *would* use it to build a community. I have made so many friends, found new CPs, and, ultimately, found my agent because it. However. A good pitch and great graphics are not enough on their own. I spend countless hours on my projects; I'm neurodivergent, so a "5 month" timeline also means spending 40–60+ hours a week for 20 consecutive weeks. Not everyone can do that, and honestly, I don't think anyone *should*. But I do. I worked hard, and my manuscript is extremely polished. Both offering agents thought we could be on sub in January as soon as the industry reopens. There is a lot of discipline involved in this field. **To close:** Thank you PubTips for tearing apart my awful query attempts so that I could get it to the level it needed to be at. Thank you for giving me the best writing advice that I've received to date. And more than anything, thank you for being a source of comfort while I crawled my way through the trenches and finally came out the other side!

Some cavalry in querying has come my way. Through some very minor connections, an author my mom found contact with read my query/1st chapter, liked it, and name dropped me to a couple of agents through which he is signed/knows. He did not send my material to them, so I am to query them still. How do I format that into the original query structure? Do I place it in the subject, write it before the housekeeping part, or mention it in the the first paragraph wherever I so choose? What specifically should I mention? Don't want to mess up this opportunity I've been given. Please and thank you from you all!

Hi all, I made some edits based on the feedback I got from last time. As always, feedback is appreciated. \*\*\* Dear \[Agent Name\] Scout Lia is a devoted soldier of the Golden Empire, only held back by her unfortunate habit of asking questions. Questioning her superiors has ruined her reputation, and when a chance to redeem herself presents itself, she jumps at the chance. After all, it’s just tracking an escaped slave through the Border Mountain Range, something she’s well trained for. Velvet wishes she could love herself as much as she loves her home, the city-state of Aevifell. How could she, when a simple conversation turns her into either a bristling ball of anger or a stammering wreck of anxiety? Maybe if she attaches herself to a border patrol on a routine inspection of the Border Mountain Range, she can overcome her faults. Neither woman is prepared for the whirlwind of chaos their chance meeting in an abandoned village will bring. When the dust settles Lia is gravely wounded, and her comrades are dead by suicide, to protect the Empire’s secrets. Velvet is left with more questions than answers, and those questions only multiply when the escaped slave reveals he rescued an infant. Velvet makes the decision to drag Lia back to Aevifell, a city by the sea where technology and magic join together to supply the world with medicine. But not everybody in the city shares the same love for her home as Velvet does. Traitors, motivated by money or ideology, are closing in, intent on stealing away the infant by any means necessary. Velvet must work together with Lia, the very woman she nearly killed, to unravel the mystery of why this baby is so important. But Velvet’s insecurities are threatening to consume her, and Lia’s head is spinning from having her questions actually answered. As the turncoats close in, both women must deal with not only external forces, but the moral rot that has begun to infect Aevifell. I am seeking representation for my 103K word adult fantasy thriller novel, FOR A SINGLE SOUL. Best described as the political maneuvering of *The Traitor Baru Cormorant* by Seth Dickinson meets the found family dynamic and modern voice of *Gideon The Ninth* by Tamsyn Muir, it is a story perfect for those hungry for a political thriller with a twist: it takes place in a magitech urban fantasy world. \[Personalization\] I am \[REDACTED\], a neurodivergent transbian studying journalism in my local college. When not writing, I am permitted to live in my apartment by my two cats, Amuro and Char. I love immersing myself in fantasy worlds, and when not reading or studying, I enjoy building intricate plastic models or creating virtual worlds on my computer. I have written a variety of stories as a lifelong hobby, with a focus on character development and the dilemmas that arise when the world we live in is not built for our specific needs. Thank you for your time, \[REDACTED\]

I am seeking representation for my Contemporary Lesbian Romance novel, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING EVERYWHERE, complete at approximately 80,000 words.  Cass is great at planning other people’s lives and terrible at living her own. At thirty-two, she is a Dallas corporate event planner who has built a life of careful routines, keeping her work and emotions firmly in check. In her twenties, Cass was a self-sabotaging mess, stuck in dead-end jobs and disappointing the people around her, until a whirlwind romance pushed her to grow up. When that relationship ended abruptly, Cass overcorrected, catapulting her into her thirties as a woman reliable and controlled, determined to never be seen as the screw-up again. Her worried friends stage an intervention, pushing her to attend a ten-day wellness retreat in the Utah desert, and she agrees, mostly to get them off her back. Convinced she’s perfectly fine and that her friends are overreacting, she arrives determined to hate every minute of it, her bad attitude souring further when she learns the retreat caters almost entirely to elderly LGBTQIA+ guests. The only bright spot is Taylor, a beautiful resort staff member her age who seems to embody a freedom that Cass currently lacks. Taylor’s love of the adventurous desert and her spontaneousness pokes at the strict rules Cass lives by, tempting her to want more than the dependable, respectable life she tells herself should be enough. Cass keeps her at a distance, though she can’t ignore a crush slowly taking hold. That guard finally slips when Taylor persuades her to get a drink at the resort bar one night, leading to an unexpected hookup. Cass agrees to stick out the retreat on one condition: whatever is happening with Taylor stays casual.  During her stay, she finds herself drawn into the orbit of the delightfully vibrant queer elderly guests, who, alongside Taylor, help her chip away at the walls she’s built around herself. As her feelings for Taylor deepen, Cass must realize she cannot be happy with anyone until she is happy with herself, and clinging to her idea of the perfect life might just make her miss out on the one she’s meant to have with Taylor.  This novel will appeal to readers who enjoy *When You Least Expect It* by Haley Cass and *Here We Go Again* by Alison Cochrun. My name is \[redacted for reddit\], and I write under the pen name Sarah Greenlee. I am a clinical social worker living in \[redacted for reddit\].

Hey everyone! This is the query letter of my manuscript, When The Stars Stare Back. It's the first MS I'm working on publishing, and I want to benefit from PubTips' expert knowledge. Cheers, Panpan. Dear AGENT. Kaller Rends is chosen to become one of his king’s royal advisors at sixteen. He lives in Eheth, a city built over the maw of a great chasm–and suspended between two sides of an increasingly divided kingdom. Kaller suddenly has the job of his dreams, but his mixed heritage leaves him with doubts as to whether supporting the Western king is right at all. Yet, when Varal Mulcipbar, informal king of the East, visits Eheth, Kaller’s new life is upended. Lord Mulcipbar is here to convince the king to aid the East in their ceaseless war against a pirate nation that threatens to destroy them. But when royal aid is not forthcoming, Varal embarks upon a reckless plan that will put the kingdom itself at risk. Kaller, thrust into close fellowship with the crown prince, finds himself in the midst of an unfolding conspiracy and a city that verges closer and closer to war In the heart of the East, sixteen-year-old Ressa Nahl is the youngest of the Imladans, a superhuman order sworn to the keeping of an ancient secret hidden deep within the mountains. For thousands of years they suspected that the threat was buried and their watch ended, but a discovery by Eastern miners changes this. The secrets of the Imladans are brought before Varal Mulcipbar, who will exploit them if it means saving his people–and reap the consequences. Ressa is called to arms, but her commitment to the Imladans will be tested, for she has a guilty secret of her own: knowledge of the very thing her people have sworn to seal away. WHEN THE STARS STARE BACK is a YA fantasy, complete at 106,000 words with elements of cosmic horror reminiscent of FromSoftware’s *Bloodborne*. It will appeal to fans of the complex father-son relationships present in Aaron Ehasz’s *The Dragon Prince*, and strong setting of Leigh Bardugo’s *Shadow and Bone*. Thank you for your consideration. Regards, My name.

First Attempt: [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1pkfyqa/qcrit_godfall_adult_fantasy_130000_words_first/). Query Letter: I am seeking representation for GODFALL, a dual-POV adult fantasy complete at 110,000 words. GODFALL combines the god-haunted grit of Hannah Kaner’s Godkiller with the investigative unspooling of institutional rot in Richard Swan’s The Justice of Kings. Canvas runs with a dead god in her bones and hunters on her heels. She was raised by an organization of assassins that sits behind thrones and under temples, stitching its agents into every kingdom like thread through cloth. They trained her to kill in silence and disappear without a wake. Until she killed her master and escaped. Now she’s hunting the monarchs that burned Ashara, her birthplace, to ash. Three crowns have fallen. One remains. Each time Canvas draws on God's magic, the power eats her alive: it first takes her senses, then dreams, then the memory of days between. The organization circles like a vulture, letting her spend herself into their altar. Soon she would be hollowed enough to hold God again. Prince Rijosh has spent his life burying his Asharan blood inside the very court that erased it. When an Asharan maid is found bled out behind chapel doors, he refuses to let her vanish twice. His search leads into the University, where divinity is measured, distilled, and repurposed for the throne. He finds a sealed list of Asharans. His sister’s name is on it. So are his parents’ signatures. Expose the list and he’s a traitor; stay silent and his sister disappears. Unable to win in a court of law, Rijosh turns to the only power that doesn’t answer to crowns: the Devil who killed God twenty years ago. Rijosh pays for visions of a weapon walking toward his mother’s throne. When Canvas reaches the queen’s chamber, Rijosh will be waiting. So will what’s left of God: hungry for twenty years, and remembering Canvas’s name. If Rijosh stops her, he loses his sister. If he uses her, he may deliver the world back to a God that should stay dead. Between Devil and God, Ashara fights back. First < 300: Canvas had never been on this side of a hanging. The lever sat in her hand like a bone torn from something larger. Too heavy for a piece of wood. Too quiet. The girl on the trapdoor could have been her reflection. Dandelion-blond hair, grown out wild. Rose-black horns pushed through it in a crooked crown. Eighteen. Only four years older than Canvas. The worst of it was her smile. A small, stubborn curve of her lips, as if this were some private joke. The smile showed only smooth, scarred pink where a tongue should have been. No last words. Just her breathing, and the soft tap of her heels on the boards. Tap, tap, tap, tap. The pattern was simple, four beats over and over, but her feet gave it a familiar rhythm. Canvas knew it before she named it: the old skipping tune from Asharan courtyards. Her own heels had marked that beat once, bare and careless on warm stone. Here, in the bunker's hollow throat, it was the only sound. Every tap came back to them off the walls, thin and brave and alone. "I see hesitation." Her master's hand came down over hers, warm where the lever was cold. "Are you afraid, little flower?" He asked it the way he asked everything: as if fear and courage were both insects, and he was curious which one she'd choose to eat. "I joined you to save the Fallen--" she said. "You are too gentle. Gentleness is a kind of greed." His fingers tightened. That steadiness pinned her hand to the lever. "You want to keep her alive so you can keep yourself clean. That is not love. That is vanity wearing love's clothes." He leaned closer. "Only God can bring back the dead."

Hi all! Appreciate the feedback on my last post (which I've since deleted because it contained a spoiler). Based on it, I've updated my query letter and would appreciate any feedback on the below! \----- Dear \[NAME\], My novel, Calum George and the Lord of the Hares is a dark epic fantasy built around Mesopotamian mythology. It’s complete at 87,102 words and deals with the aftermath of guilt and trauma in a young boy who goes off to a magical school and struggles against dark forces that have been haunting him all of his life. It’s my attempt at an honest depiction of the ramifications that a terrible childhood can have on a child with mystical powers.  For as long as thirteen year old Calum George could remember, he’d dreamt of wolves. Wolves that were bigger than carriages, faster than trains, that hunted and killed children like him, ensuring they wouldn’t reach maturity. Orphaned at birth, he grew up in one of many post-war orphanages in the 90s/steampunk inspired city of Larsa where he discovers a powerful, conscious force inside him that one day takes control, setting a fire that burns down the orphanage.  Haunted by the memories of what the monster inside him did, he now lives in an apartment in the crime-riddled, non-human infested district of his city, stealing to survive and battling the entity within him that’s constantly seeking to regain control.  After a theft gone wrong, he finds himself followed by a man he can’t see, who he fights in an alley and who later appears in his apartment to tell him that he’s a Meshagi. The Meshagi are the elite of the realm who wield mystical powers that allow them to maintain supremacy over all other species. The man says that by law, he must attend Alondor, a school for Meshagi. At Alondor, Calum is forced to work in a triact (a team of three), learns the Mesanic arts, is hunted by wolves and dreams about a powerful Meshagi whose powers he’s able to wield. This is the first book in a planned series, but can be considered a stand alone in terms of plot. \------

hello! longtime lurker, first time poster! One of my goals for this coming year is to finish my novel, KINGSLANDING, that’s been in the drafting trenches since high school, and one piece of writing advice I’ve gotten from my writing group is to actually make a query for it, so here goes! (If this is against the rules, please let me know and feel free to delete this post!) The query is terribly rough, so feel free to let me know what does/does not work! The 100k is an estimate based on previous drafts of the story that hovered around 95k/96k, but were lacking in descriptions. As another note, I worry I am using too many comps & that *Flip The Script,* while structurally VERY close to what I’m doing, as it’s about a K-drama, isn’t an appropriate comp as it’s YA, and I’m solidly writing Adult. ————- Dear Agent, Melio, the emperor of the still-fragile nation of Yurmi, rocked by an assassination twenty years ago, rules his nation with a green thumb of magical mind-controlling pollen. His fragile relationship with his ex-best friend and most devout acolyte of a burgeoning domestic cult dedicated to worshipping Melio, Takeshi, complicates matters. Takeshi and his husband, Grand Duke Chikara of the West, lead the cult devoted solely to installing Melio as a god and Chikara and Takeshi as Yurmi’s rulers. Even with the defection of three key figures from the West and North, and a strategic marriage to one of Duke Chikara’s hometown enemies, Lady Aria, Melio’s independence as a person and as a political leader are in peril. His grip begins to slip on the very kingdom he swore to protect no matter the cost to his personal freedom or the consequences he will face, leaving the world at war over power and control. In the real world, *Kingslanding’s* actors, particularly Mun Tomiichi, Melio’s actor, must contend with how the film industry has changed all their lives. The lines between fiction and reality blur as relationships—platonic and romantic—are broken, mended, and become even stronger. Performing under the highest of scrutiny in the East Asian drama circuit pushes these actors physically and mentally to their limits, all in the name of art.  KINGSLANDING is a multi-POV adult LGBTQ+ fantasy novel complete at 100,000 words. (Personalization here if applicable). KINGSLANDING combines an East Asian history-inspired political fantasy similar to that of the *Dandelion Dynasty* series by Ken Liu, the searing political tension and themes of power and queer revolution seen in *Heavenly* *Tyrant* by Xiran Jay Zhao, and frames the narrative as that of queer actors recounting their experiences of their work as in *The* *Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo* by Taylor Jenkins Reid and *Flip The Script* by Lyla Lee*.* I recently graduated with a double major in East Asian Studies and History and I work in Japan. Whenever I am able, I curl up with a good book or K-drama. I spend the rest of my free time exploring Japanese, Chinese, Korean, and Filipino histories and their ties to one another over the centuries. This is my first novel.  (closing) ———— I have a strong feeling this is too long, but I am not sure where to trim so the story still makes sense. Also, as a note, Tomiichi’s partner is Korean, but since Tomii is Japanese, he uses the Japanese romanization of 文/Moon, which is Mun. Thank you all so much for your feedback, and please feel free to ask me questions! I absolutely love talking about my book!

Dear agent, I’m seeking representation for The Silence of Power, a 78k word work of upmarket political suspense. The novel follows a Swiss diplomat and a Spanish prime minister navigating loyalty, desire and the unseen architecture of influence in an unstable Europe. Set in an alternate 1990s marked by authoritarian resurgence and shifting alliances, it blends the creeping political menace of Fatherland with the psychological sharpness of Anatomy of a Scandal, carrying a quiet undercurrent of atmospheric unease reminiscent of Mexican Gothic. In 1995, Europe stands on the edge of unification or collapse. Swiss diplomat Théa Montenoire enters a closed-door London auction dealing in human 'Assets', an event meant to be observed, not survived. There she discovers the first threads of a British Dominion consolidating power in the dark. Drawn into an uneasy partnership with Spain’s prime minister, Mateo Santos, she moves through unspoken tensions, fragile negotiations and a growing connection neither of them can admit. As Britain tightens its grip and the Russian Empire manoeuvres at the borders, Théa must decide whether to maintain the neutrality she was raised to embody or risk everything on a fragile alliance that could reshape the continent. It threatens her career, her safety and the one alliance she cannot afford to lose. I’m a multilingual Belgian author writing primarily in British English. I debuted at a young age with a small independent press and have since developed an international readership across Europe. My work explores power, identity and the tension between duty and desire, often through morally complex characters in politically charged worlds. Drawing from a continental background in linguistics and European political culture, I write upmarket fiction where diplomacy, psychology and intimacy converge. Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I would be honoured if this might find a home on your list as an intimate political novel where the tension lies in what remains unsaid. Kind regards, [Name] The Silence of Power — upmarket political suspense, 78k words Besides feedback on this, do you think I have a good chance with this? Even though upmarket is in demand, I don't see anyone asking for any political novels though. We definitely need them, the only ones are le Carré and Robert Harris but they're male led, not female led. Also le Carré is dead and Harris is getting old.

I've been writing off and on for a while now. The genre I'm in is contemporary romance currently. I tried fantasy but the world building was just a lot for where I'm at now skill wise. The first person I had read it, doesn't read contemporary romance but has an eye for good writing and is willing to put in the work for editing and feedback. The second person was, my MIL, so more or less my target audience. She asked one question about a specific sentence and what it meant and continued to read the next chapter and a half. She basically did a cold read. First person: you've got talent, but what your writing doesn't work. Instead you need to take a writing class and read these books by these authors. (Abbreviated conversation) I bought one of their suggested books so far. This person doesn't work in the writing/publishing/editing space but I do value their opinion. Second person: I really enjoyed it and want to keep reading. (Abbreviated conversation, but she did ask for access to my Google doc so she could continue to read at home) So I guess, I'm just wondering. Do I continue to write? Do I stop and read the help books and try to take a class...? I'm not sure, I guess I'm just feeling a little discouraged.

Hi PubTips, I'm preparing the material to query my debut literary novel after a break, and would love some feedback on the query letter in particular. “Dear \[Agent\], In Nekro City, survival is transactional. Bodies are currency. Names are optional. The narrator of *HELLO, LONELY* survives by selling himself to strangers, keeping intimacy legible and controlled. Hunger is easier to manage than hope. Wanting less means surviving longer. After a violent encounter leaves him injured and barely alive, he is helped home by Zero—a man who refuses the logic of transaction, does not demand performance, and never stays long enough to be easily understood. Zero’s careful presence fractures the narrator’s defenses, exposing a need for connection he has trained himself to avoid. As Zero comes and goes, the narrator is forced to confront the belief that has kept him alive: that abandonment is inevitable, and wanting more is a mistake. In a city built to outlast feeling, intimacy becomes both refuge and threat. The question is no longer whether love is possible, but whether it is survivable without self-erasure. *HELLO, LONELY* is a 65,000-word literary novel told in compressed, first-person prose. Nekro City functions less as dystopia than as psychological aftermath, reflecting a mind shaped by dissociation and survival. The novel will appeal to readers of Garth Greenwell, Dennis Cooper, and other queer literary fiction that interrogates intimacy without sentimentality. I am querying *HELLO, LONELY* as my debut novel. I have a second completed manuscript, AS WE SAY GOODBYE (52,000 words), a literary novel centered on grief and dissociation, available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, \[Name\]" Any comment would help. Thank you all in advance.

*Trigger Warning: Horror Elements, Infertility, Loss of Child* Hi y'all! This is a horror project I've been working on for the past year. I've written novel-length projects for fun since high-school, but this is my first attempt at querying one, so any and all critiques/advice welcome! Dear \[Agent Name\], \[Agent Personalization\] Matty Hopkins sits in the back of a church for the third infant funeral in three months. Even though five years have passed since he lost his own child, the pain still feels fresh. When the new pastor, a man named Rev, suggests supernatural forces may be responsible for his loss, Matty refuses to believe him without proof. Rev’s response: Meet me in the woods. There, Matty and Rev watch a group of women perform a sacrifice and summon a goat-headed being from a bonfire’s flames. This knowledge thrusts Matty into a world of witch hunters, rituals, and secret societies as he grapples with the violence Rev claims is necessary to purify the world.  Across town, Matty’s wife Claire, an ICU nurse, is dealing with the loss and her continued infertility in her own way. After five years, she’s learned she can’t talk to Matty about it and she feels alone. She finds comfort in a friend of a friend named Rebecca, a woman whose herbal remedies heal ailments modern medicine can’t. As Claire begins healing patients in secret, she learns Rebecca is the leader of a group of women with similar powers that religious zealots label as witchcraft. Claire's talent earns her an invitation to join the coven, but she can't shake the feeling there is something Rebecca isn't telling her. As Matty and Claire fight for their marriage, Claire doesn’t know Matty hunts witches. Matty doesn’t know Claire is learning from the coven’s matriarch. But when Matty’s hunt leads him to Rebecca’s door and he finds Claire beside her, Matty and Claire must make a choice. Claire must pick between the community she’s craved and losing her husband. Matty must abandon his desire for vengeance or risk losing Claire forever.  THE COVEN is a dual POV supernatural horror novel complete at 80,000 words. It combines the small-town, religious fanaticism of C.J. Stroud’s *The Gathering*, the folk-horror and witch-hunt brutality of Brom’s *Slewfoot,* and the domestic tension of Noah Baumbach’s *Marriage Story.* I currently live in the \[US City\] with my partner and pup. This would be my debut novel.  Best,  \[Name\]

Hello, this is my first attempt ever at writing a query letter, so I am sure there is plenty here for feedback. It was quite difficult to condense the plot and world-building. For the sake of brevity, I have trimmed a lot, but now I wonder if what I have is clear or interesting enough. As for the comps. I am open to suggestions for more appropriate action oriented scifi-romance. This story also falls under the more niche genre of Alien Romance. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!! --- Dear [Agent’s Name], Joe was the perfect company man, a corp-clone designed for an interstellar mission. When his transport went down, his employer assumed he had perished. A decade later, Joe’s escape pod is recovered by a daring, grease-stained salvager with bioluminescent skin, who dumped him off at the nearest outpost after a half-remembered kiss. Newly awakened, Joe finds himself stranded in alien space, identity erased, and abandoned by the corp he devoted his life to. Desperate for payback, he signs on with a twisted salvage ship run by a dangerously charming captain and a malicious AI that delights in terrorizing the crew. Hopelessly out of his depth in a world of alien pirates and living starships, he leans on his new crewmate, Minns, a lower-decker with a star-bright face he can’t seem to shake. Minns has never forgotten the human who stole her heart in a single delirious kiss, nor has she forgiven him after his rescue set off the chain of debts that cost her everything, including her ship. Now indentured aboard The Black Crucible, she is shocked to find her survivor there. With her obsession rekindled, she is furious that he doesn’t remember her or their star-fated spark of passion. Caught between their growing attraction and a deadly mission of vengeance, Joe and Minns hurtle towards their big payoff, a mysterious shipwreck that their captain promises will satisfy both their desires. STRANGE SALVAGE is a dual-POV ‘allies to lovers’ science fiction romance complete at 90,000 words. It will appeal to readers of Jessie Mihalik’s The Starlight’s Shadow series and Rachel Bach’s Fortune’s Pawn, blending slow-burn romance with high-stakes space adventure. For the past decade, I have been publishing the fantasy graphic novel [redacted], honing my skills in world building and serialized storytelling. I work as a professional designer in the game industry and hold a BFA in illustration. Strange Salvage is my debut novel, born of a lifelong love for science fiction and romance. Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.

Hi, I know similar topics have been covered but I didn't find an exact answer...I sent out queries in September. No bites. So after getting some feedback from a published author friend I decided to do another pass in January. I've already rewritten the first 20 pages of the book. I know sending a full with a tweaked intro isn't a huge problem (I basically swapped two sections.) But I'm nervous about blowing my chance with this (very good agent) by sending out a manuscript I know think needs more time. I \*did\* think it was good to go when I sent out the queries but now my author friend has me doubting the whole thing. Can I wait at least until after the holidays to send my manuscript? It's query tracker so I can't send the agent a note.

It’s a Wild West YA fantasy romp, with… woah, deja vu… Query: In *Only Their Crimes*, two teenagers born in a memory-eating prison escape into the teeth of hunters convinced they’re the key to long-lost riches. This 94,000-word YA Fantasy combines the friendships and brutal trials of Lauren Roberts’ *Powerless* with the gritty survival of Rachel Hartman’s *Among Ghosts*. This is a standalone novel in a Wild West-esque setting with series potential. It’s a good fit for your list because \[reasons\]. The inmates know only their names and their guilt. 17-year-old Dann and 18-year-old Baric, born into this memory-eating prison underground, know even less. Dann forms escape plans doomed to melt from her mind, while Baric’s anxious strength barely holds them together through their darkest hours. They finally escape, barely seizing freedom before hunters rush to claim their bounty. Outside, desperation stalks the frontier. The empire is dead, magic withers, and supposedly there’s treasure beneath the prison. Soon Dann and Baric are pursued by every criminal, spy, and adventurer who assumes they’re immune to the prison’s effects and therefore keys to its life-changing fortune. Keys to be discarded afterwards. Armed with quick thinking and relentless determination, they flee through lands worked by convicted farmhands, finding clues their amnesiac parents escaped ahead of them… and might now be among their hunters. But Dann refuses to be used or pursued. Tortured by new memories of those left behind, she and Baric hatch a crazy plan to return to prison, seize its rumored riches, and somehow win freedom for everyone they abandoned. They need allies to pull it off, allies whose ambitions might prove more dangerous than the hunters closing in or the treasure’s ancient trials. Breaking *out* of prison was hard, but breaking the prison itself (without breaking their hearts and spirits first) will take them into darkness deeper than any cell. Note: I cut the lines people weren’t excited about and used the space to answer some questions from previous commenters to clarify the plot. Overall, it says slightly more with slightly less words.

Full disclosure, I wrote and queried this project out about two years ago. Recently, a Bookends video stating that most agents don't read sample pages inspired me to give it one last shot with a small batch of agents. I have linked my first two query letters from way back when. Complete at 92,000 words, When Head Meets Heart is a hilariously yet emotionally stirring Contemporary Rom-Com with medical flair Inspired by its hit debut as Rey-Lo fanfiction on Ao3. It will appeal to fans of Ali Hazelwood’s *Not in Lov*e as well as *Grey’s Anatomy* who love sharp banter, simmering tension, and chaotic hospital adjacent dating-shenanigans. Cardiac ICU nurse **Rory (Aurora) Hanlan** hasn’t had a functioning love life since her breakup two years ago—her romantic monitor has been flatlined, and she’s fine with that. But when her best friend accidentally reveals that Rory’s ex (a certified turd of a human being) is attending her wedding with his new girlfriend, Rory develops acute onset boyfriend-seeking behavior. Desperate not to lose the Ex Games, she prescribes herself an aggressive regimen of Swipe dates until a suitable wedding date is acquired. Two candidates stand out.  **Sam Hertz**. Pros: Tattooed bad boy charm with a surprisingly gooey center (just her type), good kisser (please don’t ask).  Cons: He’s an absolute ass-hat, the son of her boss, and quite possibly terrible for her emotional well-being.  **Dr. Adham Helou** Pros:Gorgeous, Brilliant, and shockingly capable in every way including in the bedroom  (again, don’t ask) Cons: He was only in town for one night.  Rory’s choice is geographically obvious until a new physician is starting at her hospital and his name tag says Dr. Adham Helou. Suddenly, the familiar option feels dangerous, and the man she couldn’t get out of her brain is piercing her with his eyes at interdisciplinary rounds.  With wedding season approaching and her heart finally showing signs of life, Rory must decide whether to choose the predictable path… or the one that scares her in all the best ways. I am BLANK, a graduate of BLANK University,  My work appears in BLANK Literary Journal.  I’m currently developing a chef-centered women’s fiction novel featuring a protagonist with an invisible illness, as well as a paranormal romance centered on a heart transplant survivor. Thank you for your consideration. First 300: The sun burned brightly between the slats of my venetian blinds as I woke up in a daze. Sounds of the city, which were generally my ambient noise of choice to help me fall asleep, were instead an assault on my pounding head.   I felt like I was burning from the inside. My bed felt like a furnace. *Why was it so hot*? A guttural grunting sound reverberated next to me,  which nearly made my soul leave my body. I looked over. *Shit.* There was a large, wavy-dark haired man wrapped around me, whose head was adorned with my fluffy orange cat, Cheeto, making the large stranger  look not unlike Napoleon. *Who the f—?!* My eyes drifted down, as the sleeping man shifted his hips knocking my fluffy white comforter off—completely exposing himself. *Oh god*, He was naked.  I squeezed my eyes closed and turned my head at a whiplash speed. Which caused a flash of red to erupt behind my eyes, and with my pounding head, I briefly wondered if I just popped an aneurysm.  Panicked, I looked under the covers. *I was naked. “Oh, shit.” No, no, no, no!*  This couldn’t be happening. I covered my mouth and started hyperventilating into my hand.   Apparently the oxygen was what my brain needed, because memories from the night before started hazily trickling back in. Memories of drunkenly dancing under the moonlight and soft kisses under the monuments with the tall dark stranger, *but who was he?*  A loud knock on my apartment door snapped me back to the present. As another man’s voice boomed from the other side of my apartment door.   “Rory! Did you forget about our lunch date?”  *Lunch date*?  —*Another man?*  My head started pounding in earnest as I wondered, who could have possibly been at my door? *Better yet,* who was in my bed?! Version1: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1c8e87h/qcrit\_adult\_contemporary\_romance\_when\_head\_meets/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1c8e87h/qcrit_adult_contemporary_romance_when_head_meets/) Version 2: [https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1ceqdw6/qcrit\_adult\_contemporary\_romance\_when\_head\_meets/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1ceqdw6/qcrit_adult_contemporary_romance_when_head_meets/)

Hey yall! Ive asked about queries for other projects but this is the one I actually intend to go ahead and query with "immediately" I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks :3 [Personalization] ‘‘I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US’’ is a contemporary romance and is complete at approximately 79,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the unconventional queer cast found in Ashley Herring Blake's Bright Falls series as well as people seeking out the dry wit and heavy emotional undercurrent of Fleabag and Cara Bastone’s Promise Me Sunshine. After spending years as an outsider, ex-con, and horror movie aficionado, Deandra “Butch” Lowry has finally found herself a friend group: an indie band known as the J.B.I. Her friends like her, smile at her when they see her in public, and never treat her as though she is a bomb ready to go off. Despite her newly acquired stability, Deandra’s crippling fear of rejection and experiences with harsh trauma have left her shy and utterly unwilling to risk her friends seeing her in anything other than the most favourable, curated light. Unbeknownst to her, however, her protective shell has a weak spot: Vanessa. When they first met, Deandra had expected Vanessa to be a brooding and closed-off woman, upon whom she could project all her insecure romantic fantasies. After speaking to her properly, however, Deandra finds the opposite to be true; Vanessa is a cheerful and friendly person with a childish love of Sanrio characters and a remarkable ability to push past performances in her eternal quest to always see the best in people - especially in Deandra. Upon being let in, Vanessa immediately begins meddling in Deandra's relationships and life, railroading her into a series of dates and bizarre interactions with her friends. Terrified by the emotions Vanessa's meddling has stirred up, Deandra lashes out at an old acquaintance, plunging herself into legal trouble that gives Vanny the exact opportunity she needs to enact the next stage of her multi-step romance plan: reconciling Deandra with her estranged sister, Charlotte.

Hey, This is my first attempt at writing a query for my novel WHAT WE BURIED. I love writing but find writing queries extremely hard. I have done some research into how a query should be laid out and what information should be included but still feel lost. I would appreciate the input! When Tony Whitlock’s mother was murdered, the first thing his father did was move him away to a small, isolated town in the middle of nowhere. Tony was twelve years old when he lost his mother, his friends, and his whole world. Now he’s seventeen, and the only good that’s come out of this place are his two best friends, Dean and Shaun. But one night, after a late-night fight with his dad, Tony steals his mother’s car, drives drunk towards Dean’s house, and hits and kills a man. He doesn’t even see them, just hears the thump of their body hitting the car. He knows he should call the police, but Dean convinces him that they should cover it up instead. After all, no one will ever know it was him, right? And with Shaun’s quiet reluctance, they cover up the crime. But instead of it being the end of a nightmare, it’s only the beginning. All Tony wants is for his life to go back to normal, or at least how it was before he killed that man. But as Dean pushes them towards more violence and the line between accident, self-defence, and murder begins to blur, Tony must accept that the guilt might never go away. His guilt turns into paranoia, and his nightmares into hallucinations, and soon, Tony can’t tell what’s real and what’s in his own head. Tony, Dean, and Shaun must outrun their crimes, the police, and Tony’s fractured sanity. But when you’re haunted by the people you’ve hurt, running only brings them closer.   **WHAT WE BURIED** is an adult dark psychological thriller complete at 65,000 words. It will appeal to readers drawn to character-driven suspense and the slow unravelling of an unreliable narrator. Written in the confessional, psychologically restrained vein of Micha Nemerever’s **These Violent Delights**, with the quiet inevitability and moral decay of **Ripley**.

Hi, I recently graduated college this spring and this is my debut novel that I ended up writting over the past two years. I'm relatively new to publishing (and know I have a long way to go) and I would love some feedback on my query letter. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you! Dear X, I am seeking representation for my book, *Summer, Kind of Wonderful*, an 85,000-word YA romance novel. *SKOW*, as I like to call it, is for fans of K.L. Walther’s *The Summer of Broken Rules* and Jenn Bennett’s *Alex, Approximately*, blending coastal summers with the sun-soaked drama of *The O.C.* **Summer love is hot and bright, will it burn out or burn you?**   After a tumultuous year abroad, Eva Kingston returns to her family’s summer house on the Cape, burdened by guilt from a harbored secret that could storm the sunshine she's been longing for. Reunited with friends and back lifeguarding, things begin to rebound, especially when her crush of seemingly forever takes interest in her.   Thanks to beach days, helping out at her mom's organization, and tackling a frivolous season-long challenge with her friends, life has never felt more perfect—or precarious, when the secret she’s been withholding threatens to pour out on the verge of an invitation to the association's gala.  There’s the demand of trust from someone she’s teetering on giving it to, friends who feel misled, and a not-so-surprise visitor from home—the only one who knows the truth—has the power to save or sabotage.  Will she face her buried past, or will it consume her, dragging not just Eva, but everything she holds close down with her?  I graduated from Pace University this spring with a Bachelor of Arts in Digital Cinema and Filmmaking. These disciplines, combined with my experience working at an independent bookstore, have not only sharpened my storytelling skills, but also fueled my passion to become an author. My nonfiction work has appeared on *YoungHollywood.com*. I’m based in New York, where I enjoy snowboarding and practicing aerial silks in my spare time. Thank you for your time and consideration!

Hello everyone! I am checking in again with a revised query submission. Based on fantastic feedback, I tried to ensure Fentes has agency through the query, and that he is driving the story. Would love thoughts on if the query is compelling, readable, and intriguing. As a smaller thing, I also would love any feedback on how to justify the literary category. My beta-readers all agree that its a good qualifier. The emphasis on internal struggle, family rupture, and human-centered stakes hopefully does some of this, but would accept any pointers! Dear Agent, The sun-god Natun once set Fentes’ soul on fire. But though he marches through foreign lands and brings holy slaughter to heathens, he can no longer feel his god’s presence. Thrown into crisis by this absence, he blames his tribe’s old shamans, who lurk in the shadows and question the purpose of Natun’s war. Fentes’ wife, Xinxa, struggles to dampen his increasingly erratic behavior, for he sullies their family’s honor with every self-righteous outburst and drunken rant.  When Natun once again leaves Fentes’ prayers unanswered, he interrupts the shaman’s sacrifice and accuses them of heresy. The shamans seize the opportunity, for they suspect that Natun’s priests plan to destroy them. By claiming that Fentes is infected with a curse -- which only the shamans can cure -- they force him to do the unthinkable: betray the trust of his childhood friend, the sun-priest Hikyez. Fentes’ family, including his two children, are sequestered at spear-point. The shamans make their terms clear. He is to get Hikyez to reveal the priests’ scheme, or be exiled. Fentes must either betray Natun or betray his family. Despite Xinxa’s pleas, Natun’s favor proves too irresistible. He publicly condemns the shamans and his family is chased out of the tribe. As a refugee, he finds a place amongst Natun’s priests. There, his closeness to the divine blinds him to the depth of Xinxa’s hate and the danger it poses. When civil war between the priests and the shamans shatters the Sun Army, Fentes must make one final, unforgivable sacrifice.                BENEATH A VENGEFUL SUN is a 92,000-word literary fantasy novel. It will appeal to fans of the prophesies and cultural tensions of Rebecca Roanhorse’s *Black Sun,* the rich language and pre-modern immersion of Nicola Griffith’s *Menewood*, and the theological depth of Vajra Chandrasekera’s *The Saint of the Bright Doors*. Additionally, BENEATH A VENGEFUL SUN’s grounded world full of miracles, temples, and esoteric lore will appeal to fans of the *Elder Scrolls* video game series.  My name is \[x\], and I am a Panamanian-American writer living in New York City. I have spent the last five years organizing tenants and high school students. My background as a (lapsed) Catholic and my passion for religious history drove me inexorably to write my first novel.  Thank you for your consideration.  First 333 words: *The streets of Xira ran with blood, the houses screeched, flayed by flame, and the city was destroyed. Above the slaughter and despair, a Red Dawn rose, and the people knew the Deliverer, the Living Sun, whose name is Natun.* *CHRONICLE OF THE ADVENT* *BY THE BLESSED VIVRET* *FIRST ANOINTED OF NATUN* Fentes knelt as the Sun-God warmed his fingers and open palms, caressed his shoulders, sent scalding kisses upon his scalp. He mumbled the psalms, waiting for Natun to lift him up and set his flesh on fire.  The wind roared and stirred up the reek of the battlefield, breaking off the tension that was rising within him. Fentes rent open his blood-encrusted eyes and lowered them from the copper sky. He gritted his teeth. He should be grateful for the stench. It was the incense of Natun’s consumption, of His conquest, for when the world was cold, dead things did not smell.  He breathed in the reek and flexed his soul, stretching into that space where all else fell away but His touch.  There was nothing. Natun had a million rayed hands, but none of them reached back to Fentes. “Brother!” The groaning of oxen and the chatter of his comrades. The clatter of spears and the whimpering of dying men. All came seeping into Fentes’ mind. His brother, Rista, approached. “Get up. I’m sure Natun has long grown tired of your rambling.” Fentes did not reply. Why did his God not look upon him anymore? Why did He no longer raise him up and hold him to His searing breast?  “Fentes! Are you well in the mind?” Rista didn’t look very sane himself. His eye had been blackened in the fight, and dried blood — not his own — coated his face. “Leave me be, brother.”