Rejection and Resilience: Redefining Success as a Writer
You’ve crafted a flag emblazoned with your outpoured soul of a manuscript, the perfect query letter, sending it out into the void with crossed fingers is or should be just… business. You labor to raise the flag up the pole desperately hoping someone(s) will see it through a periscope from a far off sea. They will be awestruck by the brightness and beauty of your masterpiece and journey to you, knight you, and pay you.
Sure, at first this thrilling emotional crap shoot is filled with teeth chattering fear, doubt, and passion, which of course typically ends in a choir of “not for me’s” or worse, the silence of ghosts. Been there. Sat in it. Drained wine bottles over it.
But, over time, after being battered with rejection, your beautiful flag becomes soggy with tears, getting heavy with shame and doubt, it sags and starts descending on its own. This is where you pick yourself up and remind yourself that you are a craftsman and the craft does not stop where your manuscript ends. Selling your work (to an agent or audience), flying that flag, is part of the craft.
Get them in the tent
In my former life as a tattooer, I learned this old carnival mantra, ‘Get them in the tent!’. The show didn’t stop when the tent was set up, designing the sets, costumes, the script, the rehearsals. That’s where it started.
People didn’t naturally want to come into a tent under a sign labeled ‘Freak Show’, let alone pay for the privilege of entering the most terrifying place known to man – the unknown. Getting an audience was a hard sell.
The trick was to get them in the tent for free, let them see the show, then make them pay afterward – whether they liked it or not – they couldn’t unsee it. Carnival barkers used rejection to evolve their pitch to be extremely effective at attracting even the most hesitant crowds. Sales was a fundamental pillar of the whole carnival ecosystem. It had to happen for the show to continue. And guess what, your manuscript is the Freak Show. You are the barker and your query is your pitch.
We often think that we’ve fulfilled our duty to the craft after we’ve completed the fun part, building our dream, writing the book. In a sense, it’s the easiest part. The hard part is getting them in the tent. But, sales – and the inevitable onslaught of rejection that follows – is part of the craft. Not just for writing, but art, music, all of it.
Look at these real world stats from newly agented author Sean David Robinson, Author, @SDR_Writer:
- 112 queries
- 52 passed
- 46 did not reply
- 15 fulls
- 1 offer
Rejection is not a verdict. Not a step back. It isn’t even resistance. What if the author above had stopped at 52 rejections, or the 46 ghosts.
This is what growth looks like, what the other part of craft looks like. And if you learn to listen to rejection, seek it, and work it into your process, rejection can actually be the very thing that launches your success.
The Truth About Rejection
If you’ve queried even five agents, you already know: rejection is part of the work. Sometimes it’s kind and constructive. Sometimes it’s radio silence. Most often, it’s an expired can of form-letter sludge that leaves you wondering if they even read the synopsis.
Spoiler: sometimes they don’t.
But here’s what matters more than the no – what you do with the no. Do you internalize it? Let it confirm your worst fears about being a fraud or a fluke? Or do you get curious?
- Was my pitch clear enough?
- Is my story ready?
- Is my timing off?
- Am I sending this to the right people?
Reframe Success
In the beginning, most of us have an idea of literary success which resembles the following:
- Literary agent
- Big 5 book deal
- 6-figure advance
- Glamourous launch party where someone loudly hails me as the second coming of our lord and saviour Leo Tolstoy
But have you thought about this?
Success can look like this:
- Someone highlighting a sentence you wrote
- KDP authors celebrating their page read counts
- A 5-star review that made me cry
- A 1-star review that made me laugh
- A comment from a reader
- Clicking ‘publish’
Success isn’t the all or nothing pendulum we think it is. Success is a spectrum.
You are absolutely allowed to – and should – change your definition of success as you go. In fact, you must. Evolve rapidly. Movement is growth. Otherwise, you’ll always be chasing an idea that isn’t yours.
Self-Publishing Is Not An Escape Hatch
Every querying author confronts these two paths in the wood at some point:
- Keep querying.
- Or, do it myself.
So you take a leap, build a cover, wrestle with formatting software, and hit publish.
And up goes that emotional flag again, but this time it waves for readers, not agents.
Self-publishing is a side door into a fortress that loves to lock the front gate. It offers precious momentum, control, and a direct connection with readers. It will also teach you the ways of sales, marketing, and elbow grease. Your story, even if it’s bad, has value. I know I don’t need to list the hundreds of best selling books that are just bad in one or many ways.
Turns out, once readers started buying (and reviewing), there’s a good chance agents follow the crowd. Let me repeat that. Agents follow the crowd. Today, in the future times we live in, agents are looking everywhere for stories, not just their inbox. Substack, bluesky, and – get ready I have to say the A word – Amazon. That book – that rejection magnet freak show – is suddenly “viable.”
But guess what, the market, the audience can and will still reject or ghost you, too. This should indicate to you aka smack you in the face and remind you that you wrote, finished, and published a book. You have balls – more than most.
Still In The Pit?
Let’s talk to the writer sitting in the space between:
- You’ve queried.
- You’ve been rejected.
- You’re not sure if you should self-publish, revise, get a developmental editor (which I can’t recommend highly enough – I use Reedsy) or light the manuscript on fire – also fun.
Here’s what I want you to know:
- 📌 You’re not failing.
- 📌 You’re not alone.
- 📌 This thing you’re doing is crazy.
- 📌 You are absolutely allowed to take a break, regroup, and map a new trajectory.
- 📌 Be the barker. Evolve your pitch.
And here’s what helped me most:
Stop waiting for permission. Publish when you decide the work is ready – not perfect, but ready.
Stop chasing validation. Not every agent is your reader. Not every reader is your reader.
Start building community. Find critique partners, beta readers, indie authors, and even a few allies inside traditional publishing. Bluesky and Threads have amazing writing community – I loathed social media until I found our corners of it. Your network is your headquarters.
Make realistic, small goals. Small goals are huge. You really find that out when you try to hit them. Get one reader – one like – any engagement at all. It’s a feat. But, the good news is engagement attracts engagement. It will keep building if you do. Commit to your goals and follow through.
Here’s a survival checklist while you’re querying, or waiting to hear back from agents or editors:
- Write the next book
- Revise the current one
- Build a platform
- Research agents
- Build a query list
- Write short stories or articles
- Start a Substack
- Try a new genre or POV
Final Thoughts: You’re Still In The Game
Writing is brutal. Publishing is even more so. But you are here. You are learning. You are growing.
Whether you self-publish, trad-publish, hybrid-publish, or micropress…
Whether you sell 10 copies or 10,000…
Whether you write one book or ten…
You are allowed to succeed on your own terms.
So here’s what I want to leave you with:
Rejection is information.
Self-publishing is honorable.
Your definition of success is yours to create.
Your writing is worth fighting for.
Channel that resilient little Carnival Barker in you.
You got this. Keep your flag flying.
FAQ
How do I know if my query is the problem?
Look for patterns. If you’ve sent out 30+ queries with zero requests, it’s time to revise. Or perhaps try a developmental editor or bounce your work off som beta readers.
When should I give up?
Goonies never say die. Pivot? Maybe. Keep going.
Should I respond to rejections?
Nope. Unless the agent gave specific feedback and invited a reply, don’t respond. Focus forward.
How long should I wait to follow up?
Check the agent’s submission guidelines. If they don’t specify, 8–12 weeks is standard.
How do I handle rejection from agents and publishers?
Take a breath. Get curious. Use the feedback to improve, but don’t let it define you. Didn’t get feedback, ask for it. Nothing to lose. Rejection is a step, not the finish line.
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